This. Is. Action!

Everyone here at This LA Life is beyond pumped for “The Expendables.” You can’t go three minutes without being asked “ARE YOU READY FOR THIS?!” So in the spirit of this meteor-shower of badass that’s about to rain down on us on Friday, I’m going to drop some truth about my favorite action film: 300.

Now some of you haters may be saying the usual hater phrases. “It’s just a bunch of ripped dudes. It’s all green screened. It stars Gerard Butler!” To you I respond, “Don’t be pissed because those dudes have abs that have abs and you don’t. And how dare you forget Lena Heady as Queen Gorgo. It was going to be shot on location but the Thunder Dome was in use. And this is Gerard Butler pre everything that makes him the butt of jokes now. When this film came out we knew nothing of the Three-Headed Abomination of The Bounty Hunter, P.S. I Love You, and The Ugly Truth.

So now that we’ve silenced the haters for a second, let’s get to why 300 is an amazing action film. First up: IT KICKS ASS! Literally. When you have a story that is just about one epic battle, you’d better show everything that went down in that battle. We got thousands of soldiers, witches, the Immortals, elephants, and we watched them all be cut down by 300 of the most badass men we’ve ever seen. (Until Friday that is.) The fight scenes are stylistically awesome, and they don’t skip on the blood and guts. We’ve got slo-mo decapitations, the science behind the phalanx, and a wall of dead bodies used as the most literal interpretation of a human-shield. And face facts gents, Leonidas is the man. Period.

Next this movie makes you feel like a man, or question what kind of man you are. Are you the man who can lead a group of your peers into certain death and make them feel great about it? Are you a man who can see a ten-foot drag queen on a golden throne and not shudder? Are you a man whose profession isn’t a word, but a guttural outpouring of testosterone and awesome?

Finally this movie has what we love from action films: great one liners. Here are just a few. “This. Is. Sparta.” “Spartans, what is your profession? Ooowhoo! Ooowhoo! Ooowhoo!” “Tis but an eye, the gods saw fit to grant me a spare.” ” Tonight, we dine in hell!” “Then we will fight in the shade.”

So remember when you’re in the theatres on Friday, if few hadn’t stood against many then we’d be writing about our favorite Romantic flick to celebrate “Eat, Pray, Love.” I think I’m speaking for everyone when I say I’m thankful they did!

Spartacus: Blood and Sand or "Gladio300"

 Just in case you were wondering, that thing in top right corner is not a tomato sauce stain from a lazy editor, it's a splash of plasma, vital fluid, or as the Chinese say 魔鬼血. Now if you don't speak Chinese, I'm talking about blood, which is pretty much all the new Starz show "Spartacus: Blood And Sand" is  about. Yeah, there also is a generous amount of foul language, gratuitous nudity, soft core porno sex, and terrible dialogue.

     Of course, I don't really think the creators or anybody really care that the story is weak and the dialogue would make the Roman philosophers weep for the spoken word, I mean, after all the show is called "Blood and Sand." You see, the good folks at Starz realize that we just like the crowds in the Roman Empire want to see blood, fighting, and ummm, sand mixed with blood. 

      The first episode ends with our hero Spartacus, (who used to be a solider, his wife was taken from him, now he's a slave blah, blah, you know the deal...)   getting his "Gladia300" on. "Gladia300" refers to the ultra violence from the film "300" with the setting and characters of "Gladiator." And, let me make one thing clear, "300" and "Gladiator" are the bomb.com, in fact they are very influential movies in my life (how, I'm not saying, but maybe,I have a secret hobby of playing Roman role playing games on the third saturday of each month in Pasadena).

     So, yeah, Spartacus, I'm a fan. I'll see you next week, blood, sand, and everything else you wanna throw at me.