The Peculiar Case of Piranha 3D

If there is one problem I have with Piranha 3D, it's that I didn't get to see when I was 13. I would have cooked up the greatest scheme ever to get into this bad boy, including but not limited to, buying a ticket to see Eat Pray Love with huge grin on my face, paying some 17 year old bro to be my "cousin," and then swiping some 3D glasses from the bin. None the less, I saw it, and even though I wasn't 13, I loved it. And the peculiar thing is lots of savored it too.

On Rotten Tomatoes, it's hovering at a mean 81% fresh rating with a large pack of remarkably positive reviews. How can a film that features piranhas eating and regurgitating a penis be so enjoyed? If you believe the critics it's because it's simple, trashy, fun pure and simple.

However, I think something deeper is going on here. The film, directed by Alexandre Aja, who is French, is ultimately a bloody satire of American culture. Don't believe me? The plot is about a  hard working government official (Elisabeth Shue) who must try to save her family and the brain-dead spring breakers of her town from a massive nature based threat. The piranhas represent global warming, oil shortages, and any other natural problem you can cook up. The Spring breakers represent American cultural excess. Man it's tough being in charge when the environment and the culture don't cooperate. Jerry O'Connell represents God, just kidding.

I'm not the only one thinking about the film this way. In an interview with Cinematical, Aja shares why he set the film at Spring Break.

 I have always felt a little bit of that balance between attraction and repulsion of spring break, and doing more research, I thought it was a really good metaphor for American itself – that spring break, by being that week of excess in a very puritanical society, feels like America. 

Piranha 3D is not a movie for our times, it won't define a generation, well, I hope it doesn't. But it's not that stupid either. Perhaps it's greatest downfall is that the only people who are seeing it are the exact people who the film is making fun of. After all, I was the one who bought the overpriced $18 dollar movie ticket, $10 dollars worth of movie food, and dragged all my friends to movie all in the name of some naked chicks, blood, and fish.

10 Piranha 3D Facts

1. Piranha 3D is the third entry in the franchise, but it's not a sequel. Interesting, Piranha 1 was directed by genre master Roger Corman, who helped launch the careers of many a major filmaker. Looking for evidence? Piranha 2 was directed by James Cameron, his second film.
2. Piranha 3D features naked women, evil fish, and loads of violence. In other words, it is the lowest MOM factor movie of the summer
3. Theodore Roosevelt once described Piranhas as "the most ferocious fish in the world"
4. MegaPiranha, the Piranha fish's ancestor was up to 3 feet long! How many of those would it take to slay a T-Rex?
5. Piranhas prefer the Deez over Burger King
6. Piranha 3D is getting shockingly sharp and great reviews.
7. Richard Dreyfuss agreed to reprise his Jaws character in the film only because producer Bob Weinstein donated money to his favorite charity
8. Piranha 3D director Alexandre Aja's previous films include "The Hills Have Eyes," "High Tension" and "Mirrors" which starred Kiefer Sutherland, which technically makes it a very surreal 24 episode. God, do I miss 24
9. Thislalife.com has been hyping Piranha 3D since January.
10. The only person who has been known to survive a Piranha attack is Jay Judah and Kosher D

Terrible News: Piranha 3D Delayed And May Not Be In 3D

"Piranha 3D" is the anti-Avatar, or should I say, the opposite of Avatar. The 3D in "Piranha" involves giant mutant fish with razor sharp teeth eating smoking hot babes in bikinis. For all my female readers, I'm sure that there will be many handsome men getting chomped too. Either way, it sounds like the ultimate crowd movie, in fact I'm pretty sure that if you don't see it at midnight the day it opens, don't even bother.

But today disaster bites back, The Weinstein Company announced the toothy spectacular is coming out in August, not April. The said they don't want to compete against comic book adaptation "Kick Ass," but there is rampant blogger speculation that something is wrong with the film. And why I say wrong, I don't mean there isn't enough fish, I mean that it might not even end up being in 3D!

What is the point of making a bloody fish movie if it isn't in 3D? If I wanted to see fish in 2D, I would watch this video (MUST WATCH). Come on now Fish! Get your 3D game up.