When Prince of Persia First Came Out

When the original Prince of Persia came out in 1989, me and my brothers were playing it non-stop on the old school mac. Granted, I was three years old and now you can play Prince of Persia on a device 1/8 the size of those computers, but still, this game was/is/will be till the end of time the real deal awesome game. But since the movie is coming out today, let's take a look where everyone was when the original game came out.

1. Jake Gyllenhaal was 9 years old and just getting ready to star in the classic 80s film "City Slickers." Wait, what the shit? Jake Gyllenhaal was in City Slickers?

2. Jerry Bruckheimer was 45 years old which is crazy because he looks exactly the same now as he did then. And he's making the same type of movies. So basically he doesn't age, which either means he's an alien or he's got some really good Doctors.

3. Prince of Persia resident babe Gemma Arterton was 3 years old. Which makes her the same age as me. Which means she wants to go on a date with me, whoah, that's a big jump there, but hey, this is LA and I can dream.

4. Ben Kingsley had already won an Oscar for Ghandhi, so naturally in 1989 he thought to himself - "Now that I have my hardware, I can go make any movie I want"

5. The game was just a game. Little did creator Jordan Mechner now that it would soon spawn a mega franchise that would be reinvented four times and keep the name. Since that fateful game, there has been:

Prince of Persia 3D (No one talks about this one)

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time

Prince of Persia: Warrior Within (This is a reinvention cause this one is hyper violent)

Prince of Persia (cell shaded)

6.  Persia as a country had been around for about 7,011 years. That's a long time and shitload of princes

7.  Steve Jobs probably had the iphone, ipad, and the upcoming ibrain all planned out

8.  Paul Abdul had a number one album, which is crazy, because now Paula Abdul is still very much important, albeit in a much much different sense.

9. Batman was the number one movie at the box office, it starred a Persian actor named Michael Keaton. I'm just kidding Keaton is not Persian, he's just a super hero.

10. The transformers were around, ready and waiting to be reborn into  a franchise.

Prince of Persia Trailer (Where are the Chompers)

1. It has a lot of jumping, which is a staple of the Prince, tons of jumping, he's training for the Olympics, competing against long time Gold Medal holder, Italian superstar Mario.

2. Jake Gyllenhaal does not look like a Prince, especially not of Persia, not of anywhere.

3. They are quick to remind us that film is from the "Pirates of the Caribbean" guys, this would explain why all these Persians all have British accents.

4. Sandstorms are the new tidal waves, don't let the people from 2012 know.

5. At one point in time Gyllenhalalalallah was supposed to play Spiderman, good to see that he now is finally getting to his aerial acrobatics, to bad they will not compare to current TV star Chris O'Donnell's aerial acrobatics in "Batman & Robin."

NERD ALERT

6. The trailer doesn't include any staples of the original game including but not limited to potions, chompers, spikes, gates, falling floor plates, tiny steps, heroic mouses, fat offensive level six guards, and hard to kill level 9 defensive guards,.

7. The narration is straight out of some late night stoner friendly history special on the end of the world.

8. "Sands of Time" is a direct rip-off of the Cape Cod National Park short film "The Sands of Time," which I saw on the infamous 7th grade Cape Cod trip, where legendary blogger Jay Judah may or may not have been present, where also my candy addiction begin to show it's early stages.

9. The original game was wildly gory, with chompers, ummm, chomping people in half, spikes impaling you, and bloody deaths by gravity, where is that now Jerry B?

10. Director Mike Newell made "Four Weddings and a Funeral" and has said in a recent interview that Hugh Grant will be have a cameo as the Prince's brother. This is not true, but considering all Persians are British in this world, I wouldn't be surprised.