What Transformer's 5 Day 200 Million Dollar Box Office Can Buy You

Optimus Loves The Cash!

1. 211,764,706 Nerds, not people with massive glasses and pocket protectors, I'm talking about boxes of the candy.

2. 1000 trips to space where you could potentially be just that closer to Cybertron.

3. 8700 brand new 5th generation camaros, just like  Bumblebee, so you too can have a robot car which will help you score babes.

4. 5 Us Air Force Blackbird spy planes that were featured in the movie as the old scottish Decepticon featured in the movie

5. 10,000 Months in a luxury apartment in Santa Monica so you can be closer to Megan Fox, who is rumored to live there when she isn't fighting evil robots or making dudes salivate.

6. 4,211 semesters at Yale, the college where it looks like Shia goes in the film

7. About 20,000,000 weed brownies like the one's the old lady eats in the film. Keep in mind for all you cannabis enjoyers out there, that's 10 bones a pop.

8. A luxury trip to Egypt to visit the tomb of the Leaders Matrix (WTF was that about by the way) for you and your 19,000 friends.

9. 5 Million top of the line OPTIMUS PRIME mega action figures.

10. Enough money to make a real live transformer. Or an army of them if you so wish.

AIG: Villains?

In the past villains have reflected the times. Nazi's were the big bad guys in WWII, communists were all the rage in the cold war, and Islamic terrorists dominated media at the start of the century (you can thank my boy BAUER, for helping take care of them). And now in these times, we have our new villains: AIG.

When it was revealed the extent of the bonuses being rewarded with taxpayer dollars, everyone though the pitchforks and torches would be out in the streets in no time. Guards were posted outside the building, memos were circulated internally about safety, and the President went on Leno to talk about all of it. The problem is,  some of these AIG folks are seriously morally bankrupt, but they are not villains.

Now, it is possible that they have large henchmen with huge necks and enormous biceps guarding their secret bases in Volcanoes, but I don't think so. These evil people taking our money are basically just really smart nerds who understand economics better than 99% of the world . And nerds don't make good villains. I mean, did anybody see Duplicity this weekend?

Think of the best villians: The Joker, Hannibal Lecter, Keyzer Sose may all be cunning, but they are also physically threatening. There is nothing scary about these AIG types, they're just geeks. So when it comes to villians in movies, I'll take my gigantic evil robots and psychotic clowns.