TPG's Game Time - Season 3 - Episode 10 - Mysha (Game of Thrones Recap)

And now my watch begins. No, I'm not talking about part of the oath that Samwell uttered tonight, I'm talking about the long wait in front us until the next Thrones season sometime in 2014. Waiting for this show to come back is worse than being roasted by a dragon and I'm not looking forward to it, but in the meantime we have some topics to cover. What do you say we break the wax seal and check out the season finale of the third season of Thrones? And since I don't get to do this again for a long time, I won't just stop at 10 points.

Direwolf Badassery - 3 points - Now this may be controversial but if your pet is so badass that people put it on your corpse in celebration, then you have to have some type of pretty badass pet. RIP Grey Wind. But damn, that shot was a real brutal reminder of the damaging events of last week! Also, props to Ghost for getting some quality screen time. Too bad he wasn't protecting Jon Snow from getting pin-cushioned.

Joffrey Swag - 5 points - Seeing him prance into the small chamber room full of glee and bad vibes was the finest Joffrey Swag moment of the season. He is so evil, so stupid, and so good at talking shit that no one hears. Praise Joffrey.

1. Sansa pointed out that Tyrion is a pervert, well I think we all know that whatever Podrick Payne is up to with those wenches is something potentially very perverted.

2. Tywin points out that "A good man does everything to better his family, regardless of his selfish ambitions." This piece of wisdom is interesting when viewing the events of the season. Obviously Robb Stark put love over family when he married Talisa and I'm not going to link to last week but we know how that turned out. Jon Snow on the other hand put his family (in this case The Night's Watch) first over his love, no matter how painful it was. And finally a case could be made that Jaime Lannister chose kindness and compassion over family when he went back to save She-Man.

3. Hodor yelling into into the well was so good that next season I will be counting Hodors.


4. For someone who we haven't seen all season, Yara's big speech about going to save her brother with "the fastest ship & 50 of the best killers," was an episode highlight. I cannot wait to see more of her next season. Future badass alert!

5. My question last week was answered, The Blackfish escaped! I'm looking forward to many things next season but seeing the Blackfish aka the best archer in the game right now wage a war of vengeance will be a highlight.

6. So the great mystery of who was tormenting Theon Greyjoy is answered. It was Roose Bolton's son. Ehhh not as huge as a revelation considering all the brutal torture scenes. The only big revelation out of this is seeing this demented duo get theirs is going to be a future highlight of the show. What an evil, twisted family.

7. So Bran and his posse are going beyond the wall to keep searching for the three eyed raven and other magical creatures that Bran believes in. I do not know what his future holds but based off his mind control and vision quests, I'm sure it will be rooted in the more magical elements of the show.

8. I'd like to point out that of all the different ways you can lose your virginity, doing it with a super hot MILF witch while surrounded by flames and leeches is a real way to start things off. Gendry has either a life of therapy or glory ahead of him. No middle ground.

9. MIND MELT WITH A SIDE OF STALE BREAD - Two episodes ago Stannis dropped three leeches into the flames. They were for the three usurpers: Joffrey, Robb, and Balon Grejoy. Now one of them is dead, Joffrey angering both the Starks and Papa Lannister, and Balon losing control of his children, I wonder if that prophecy will come true.

10. It's no secret that I love Arya Stark and her first "real" kill, a brutal stabbing of some soldiers who were talking smack about her family was epic. But the real question, did she use a dagger because The Hound had her sword Needle or has the Needle gone missing?

11. Sure, Samwell killing a white walker was awesome, but it seemed kind of accidental. However Sam standing up to Maester Aemon felt like his first true act of courage because he was able to believe in himself and the power of his oath. True understanding. Knowledge is power and speaking of that....

12 REAAADDDDDINNNG RAINBOW - If Ser Davos hadn't learned the magic power of reading he never would been able to tell Stannis about the dire situation at the wall. It was through the magic of reading that he could finally defeat the Red Witch, get his friend back, and gain control of an army. Give it up for reading!

13. So the season ended with Khaleesi getting her humanitarian on and crowd surfing a throng of slaves while they called her Mysha (mother). YAAAAAWWWWNNNNNN. We've already seen her liberate a city of impoverished people before and the spear stomps of the Unsullied was much cooler than this medieval world music rave scene. I love Khaleesi but she needs to stop this whole city sacking routine and get her ass to King's Landing and start taking what is hers!

14. Bonus guest thought longtime This LA Life reader Z.Cash Hat

Everybody's got theirtheories on how shit's going to go down past the completed books. Given that it's a Song of Fire and & Ice, many of us have assumed it was gonna be up to Dani with her dragons and Jon Snow to regulate on those White Walkers.  I think tonight's finale made a strong symbolic gesture toward their intertwined fates.  Jon being hoisted up and carried inside by the Night's Watch looked very Christ-like to this Jew, and before they started crowd surfing her around, Dani's initialpose was pretty similar.  Future Fire Queen and Ice King as Jesus-like
saviors?  I'm hoping that's the case.

Holy Cow that's a crazy theory, and what a great one to go out on!

Let us hope that the next season has even more of the "Dragons & Magic" that Stannis spoke of tonight. It's been great writing this recap for you guys. Thanks for reading. Stay tuned for the return of my Breaking Bad recaps "TPG's Chemistry Class!"

TPG's Game Time - Season 3 - Episode 9 - The Rain Of Castamere (Game of Thrones Recap)

RIP Robb Stark, the King in The North, a loyal son, loving husband, good brother and holy shit I can't believe that just happened. Wow! God dayuuuummmmmmmm. No other show in the history of TV shows that I have seen has ever done a major character and fan favorite in like that. The girls I was watching the episode with had tears in their eyes, so to make it up to you I've included the above gif as an apology, but shit, that was insane. 

Direwolf Baddassery: 6 Points! If a direwolf rips someone's throat out but is being controlled via mind link, does it still count? I'll side with the general school of thought that it certainly does! So yeah, that scene of direwolves just wrecking people with Bran was incredible. Let me also give a big shoutout to Grey Wind---RIP. That shot of his eyes closing was just brutal. Also, lots of epic points to Grey Wind for sensing what was going down before it actually did.

Joffrey Swag: None.

1. I knew it was coming. Earlier this year I typed "Robb Stark" into google so I could find an image for a post and the suggested search term was "Robb Stark Dies." I was pissed when I found out (Damn you Google!!!) but that didn't make tonight any less shocking. The baby stabbing of Talisa was beyond brutal and and the endless crossbow assault was insane. Thrones did mass execution last year with the Warlocks, but this made that look tame in comparison. Serious props to the creators for closing it out with Lady Catelyn slitting the young girl's throat and airing the credits sans-music. Chilling.

2. Now that we've got the shock out of our system let's go over some quick facts and questions. Speed round, let's go:

• The Blackfish went outside to "find a tree." Was he in on it? Did he betray the Starks and his own nephew? Doubtful I think. If he didn't betray them, is he dead?
• Is Edmure Tully, aka the dude who made out well with the bride dead?
• This had to be what Tywin was writing letters about in the earlier episodes this season right?

3. Damn I'm still reeling from the darkness, but how funny was that opening scene. I knew Lord Frey was a dirt bag, but I didn't know he was so funny. Not knowing the names of the girls, commenting on Talisa, saying that he "always sees beneath the dress," and just talking like a 20 year old bro in a repulsive body, what a zany old demonic maniac.

4. While everyone is talking about the events of the reception, this episode was also especially crazy for Jon Snow and Bran Stark. On the Snow front he finally got to fighting again, thank God, and bro, what are you doing riding out on your girl like that? Nice that he diced up that Warg, though. That dude sucked. 

5. So Bran is now some kind of super Warg? Jojen pointed out that no one can get inside people's heads like Bran showed he could tonight. With each season more and more magic is seeping into this show. Keep in mind that in the first season there is barely any magic outside of the white walkers. Now we have shadow assassins, shape shifters, dragons, mind controllers, giants, magic healing powers, white walker kryptonite, and who knows what else is coming down the pipe. I'm calling it now. Bran is going to end up being VERY important to the entire story.

6. Shout out to the man, lil Rickon Stark (Art Parkinson), who has never really done anything in the past seasons, but tonight delivers a sneak attack of an emotional scene where he doesn't want to leave his brother. This scene is even more effective when you consider that him and Bran are the only Stark men left! Rickon also scores points for having the dopely named Direwolf - Shaggydog  (does Rickon have a future as a phish head?)

7. That fight scene where Ser Jorah (da legend!), Grey Worm, and Daario (or is it Daria?) were just wrecking dudes was some of the coolest fighting the show has ever done. It even included some type of tag-team Mortal Kombat fatality, which was off the chain. That being said, this Daario dude is cheesy as hell, get a hair cut bro. I have a hunch he's going to be around for a long time cause Khaleesi obviously sees him as Drogo 2.0. And let's  be clear about this, this dude is more like Fabio than Khal flipping Drogo. Khal Drogo ripped dude's tongues through their throats, this guy uses conditioner and fights with a scimitar, big difference . 

8. When all is said and done, Arya Stark is going to be become the most badass character in the history of the show. If you watched "The Wire" she will be the "Omar" of the show. If you watched "Lost" she will be the "Desmond." Her destiny is vengeance and it's a long journey to get there littered with corpses of her enemes. I cannot wait till her first meaningful kill. That being said as my buddy pointed out The Hound really is making a habit out of saving Stark girls.

9. Not a single Lannister on screen tonight, yet their presence was felt. Next week in the finale, I expect we'll get a heavy dosage of Kings Landing plot lines.  I hope that Tyrion will do something heroic beyond just courageously getting drunk and passing out.

10. There is only one episode left this season and the finale's of this show are always exceptional. I wonder if they'll be able to top last seasons epic Valar Morghullis scene (featured below.) Also because I appreciate all my readers I just want you to know, in this very moment, start mentally preparing for the long wait after Sunday. 

5 Actors Who Could Play The Villain in Fast & Furious 8

By now most people know that, at the end of the excellent Fast & Furious 6, Jason Statham is introduced as bad guy for the next film. This is fantastic instant attendance news for fans and I literally am already thinking of all the different ways Vin Diesel will make fun of Statham for being British, not valuing family, and for drinking Newkie Brown instead of Corona. But with The Rock getting introduced in Fast 5, Statham introduced in Fast 6, who will they introduce in Fast 7 to make Fast 8 a must-see film. There is no such thing as too much planning, and you'd be foolish to think The Fast Gods are not cooking this up you read this. And while I know these casting questions keep you up at night, I've chosen to help you our and hit you with a list of actors who I think would fit right into the best franchise on four wheels.

Liam Neeson
Who He Would Play: Uh, this one is a no brain  brainer, he would play the father of Statham and he would be seeking vengeance on the crew that killed his sons. His particular set of skills versus the set of skills of the Fast Gang. Yes please.
Why He Would Do It: Once considered a serious actor, he know almost exclusively appears in mindless action thrillers, where I'm sure he collects a sizable paycheck. And with the Fast & Furious franchise printing money still, there is no monetary reason they wouldn't pay him.

Mark Wahlberg
Who He Would Play - A maniac Boston cop who Paul Walker used to bust bad guys with. No Walker has no choice but to take him down... In recent years Wahlberg has proven himself to be an ass-kicker, but no role has exceeded his Officer Dignam from "The Departed." Picture that character...as a bad guy.
Why He Would Do It - With star turns in "Contraband," "Ted," and the upcoming "2 Guns" Wahlberg has become something of Universal's Go-To tough guy, so it would be easy to slot him to their top of the line action franchise. Besides he took the lead in the new "Transformers" so he clearly has no problem jumping into franchises at any point.

Eva Mendes
Who She'd Play: Even though she appeared in the tail end of "Fast Five" Mendes' cop character Monica Fuentes was nowhere to be seen in "Fast Six." I could see her coming back in some disgraced cop seeking vengeance against Hobbs role. It would tie the story together oh so nicely.
Why She'd Do It: What reason would she have to pass up a chance to be the main villain in this franchise? Seriously?

Halle Berry
Who She'd Play: Some type of international criminal who the gang have to take down. I've always wanted the franchise tackle more exotic locations (Southeast Asia, Africa, The Rings of Saturn) so with her exotic looks, I think she could fit right in.
Why She'd Do It: Berry's name recognition is pretty strong with audiences, yet her choices in movies have been weak at best. A big role in the franchise could revitalize her career and position as kind of the female Liam Neeson -  a slightly older ass kicker.

Martin Lawrence
Who He'd Play: A very dangerous and powerful LA drug kingpin with connections to everyone. Sooner or later the franchise is going to have to return home to the streets of LA and I could see Lawrence ripping it up as hilarious but totally evil bad guy. Besides you know any scenes he had with Tyrese & Ludacris would be hilarious, that duo has been bringing the laughs for the last three films!
Why He'd Do It: I like to think a chance to play a bad guy would interest him.

Honorable Mentions: There are many big time actors just jump into the ultimate summer popcorn franchise, but I doubt they'd do it. This list includes Leonardo DiCaprio, Denzel Washington, Daniel Day Lewis (yes seriously, pure intensity), Robert Downey Jr., Gary Oldman, and Alan Rickman all come to mind.

What About?: Ahh, I knew you'd ask. As much as I love them Arnold, Stallone, Van Damme, and even Willis are just too old/dated to fit into this franchise. Let's keep them locked into the Expendables purgatory.

Fast & Furious 6 Excels With No Super-Powers

In the last couple years, the biggest movies on top of both the box office and the general world of major studio films involve cosmic cubes, super soldiers, robotic armies, British mouth breathers, elves, child warriors, and vampire-werewolf super babies. Yet in this ocean of action and explosions, The Fast & Furious franchise stands alone as the carrier of the torch for good ol' fashioned mortal human action. And while the characters may appear to be super-human (The Rock is gigantic, Paul Walker doesn't age, and Diesel is um, named Vin Diesel) they are actually just many in a long line of tough guys making tough stuff look cool on the movie screen. 

The plot of the newest film involves the crew teaming up with their former nemesis Ellis Hobbs (The Rock) to take down British super-villain Owen Shaw (Luke Evans). Shaw has a crew of his own and they are the opposite of our heroic crew who loves newborn infants, saying grace, and drinking coronas. So naturally the two posses don't get along and because of that they frequently battle each other  with guns, fists, headbutts, spear-guns, body slams, and as one character puts it "vehicular warfare!" One of the most enjoyable things about the new movie is how it returns to the franchise's roots with a huge amount of actual car chases, not just the heists of Fast Five. Director Justin Lin is a master of knowing where to put the camera to make every chase make spacial sense and has evolved into a mastermind of combining practical stunt driving with fist pumping visual effects spectacle. They say that with Superman you'll believe a man can fly...well in Fast & Furious 6 you'll believe a F-1 race car can flip cars like a spatula and make them ross through posh office buildings. 

Yes the action is fantastic, but at that point that is to be expected. What really makes the franchise and this film work so well are the...wait for it...emotions that run through the story. Emotions? TPG you are crazy man, I thought this was about vehicular warfare? It is, it is but hear me out. While other movies layer their emotions like some type of exotic French dessert, the Fast & Furious franchise puts them right out there. I LOVE YOU AND WANT TO SETTLE DOWN WITH YOU! MY FAMILY IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING. I AM GOING TO DESTROY YOU! Yes, it's very very easy to digest, but there is something immensely delicious about characters existing in black and whites. Good guys vs Bad Guys. Fast Car vs Not Fast Car. If only life could be that way, right?

So yeah...incredible super-hero free action, heavy handed emotions, expert direction, what else is there to say? Oh, one last thing, the movie gives you EXACTLY what you want. Not many times in movies/life do you get exactly what you want, but in this movie it's all there. Oh I hope that that huge german dude ends up fighting the Rock, happens. Oh I hope that Tank our boys are fighting goes out spectacularly ..yupp (still thinking about it actually).  Oh I hope that that grappling hook gun is put to good use, happens in every way you can imagine. Oh Ludacris & Tyrese are funny, they get the best zingers. Fast & Furious 6 knows what you want and gives it to you which is extremely commendable. And just when the movie is over it leaves you with a massive cliffhanger that instantly clicks in your cinematic soul and feels you with a sense of..."Oh...I didn't know that I needed THAT in this franchise...but know that you have given me what I actually wanted....I'll have an another order please*. 

*Fast 7 comes out July 11th 2014

TPG's Game Time - Season 3 - Episode 8 - Second Sons (Game of Thrones Recap)

Of all the episodes this season this one felt the most like a set-up episode. I mean at this time last year we were heading into the battle of Blackwater bay, and here...well I'm not sure where we are heading. But I feel like it can't be any place good because all of the characters seem to be in bad situations, except Khaleesi, but more on her later.

Direwolf Badassery - One day the Direwolves will return to Thrones, until then I'm stuck with nice ocean vistas

Joffrey Swag - Swag on Westeros Swag. Swag for days. Where to begin? Every line he had tonight (outside of that creepy line having his guard hold Sansa down) was so hilarious. Dude is just so massively evil. He's like the spoiled rich kid crossed with the smart aleck nerd crossed with the high school bully.

1. I hope The Hound doesn't die a terrible death. He really hasn't ever done anything wrong and seems to be a relatively good guy. I mean he's cruising around with his kid sidekick offering her bread, I thought I was watching A Perfect World, medieval edition.That being said if we don't get to see him battle his brother, I will be disappointed. Horse-Head cutters must answer for their crimes.

2. Interesting that Stannis said he believes that people don't choose their own destiny. This is a different point of view that other characters. Consider Khaleesi who very much is forging her own path or Robb Stark who believes his destiny is just to kick it in Winterfell.

3. Stannis says "What's one bastard boy against a Kingdom?" If that bastard happens to be Jon Snow then we're talking about a major player and I got some serious gold weight that Jon has a big part to play in the Kingdom.

4. When thinking about the Margaery-Cersei interaction, I see it two ways. The first is that Margaery is in way over her head and Cersei is a world classing scheming woman who'll destroy the young girl. And the second is that Cersei is a dated stupid hag who's messing around with the young gun and is gonna get burned. My prediction is on the second.

5. In some ways Tryion's actions tonight were some of the most selfless character actions we've ever seen on Game of Thrones. Sure he was drunk for the bulk of it, but it's clear that he probably more than any other character is GOOD guy.

6. Damn it's nice to go an episode without having to see some terrible Theon Grejoy torture scene.

7. Mind Bone With A Side of Leeches - So now we know what Stannis saw in the flames at the end of last season. A battle in the snow. Got Dayuuum, I almost fainted. Now it's time to figure out who'll he'll be fighting with. Only fire can beat Snow...get your dragon game up.

8. So Khaleesi has a new squeeze with this Dario character. With his "I do want I want" attitude he is about as emo as they come, but chopping off his pal's domes was a pretty nice move. Also dude barely flinched when the world class babe and mother of dragons just walked up to him naked. Still need to see him fight to know if he's a total badass.

9. Ahhh, so Sam got his big moment. With all those ravens by the Godswood I thought that Benjen Stark was going to show up, but then I saw that Blue Eyed Demon flowing hair and I knew Sam was going to bite it or Ghost was going to save him. But how awesomely surprising was it that he was the first one to shatter a White Walker. Looks like that blade he found while making a snow fort is mighty powerful, now please, give it Jon Snow so he can really put it to work.

10. Tyrion has all the best lines - "I am the god of Tits & Wine"

No Thrones next week. We got a Sunday off for Memorial Day. See you in two weeks.

24 Points About 24 Coming Back

I am a 24 fan, worshipper, devotee, fanatic, critic, archivist, connoisseur, and whatever other noun you can dream up. I have seen every episode of the show live except one in season three (VCR malfunction!) 24 was the first TV show I ever watched with my family and was my favorite show to watch with friends. I have written extensively on how it relates to "Homeland" (24 is superior). And finally I shared recaps in the form of 24 points for the last 3 seasons here on thislalife.

Now that it has been announced that the show (the new season titled 24:Live Another Day) will be returning for a more condensed 12 episode run next summer, I thought I would return to the 24 Points to let you know all morsels that are brewing in my head with the almighty return of Jack Bauer.

1. How will the 12 episode format work for a show that is so dependent on having 24 episodes? The producers have said they will skip some hours and condense some events to fit the timeline. This sounds like we'll still be looking at a full day in the life of the greatest terrorist hunter that has ever lived. 

2. Will we finally get the epic motorcyle that Jack has in him. Motorcycles, TPG what you talking about? You see, revealed somewhere in the bonus features of the DVDS and mentioned here in the 24 wikia, it is stated that Jack is an expert motorcyclist. Also says he's a surfer, I'd rather have him dispatch foes by bike than by bodacious waves.

3. Will Tony Almeida return?

4. While we are at it...will the vampire bite return? That's what really counts (sorry Tony).

5. The show always succeeds because the way that it mirrors and inflates real life events. It's well known that the show premiered months after 9/11 and rode the war on terror to massive critical, popular, and political success. I wonder how it will adapt to the current drone based war on terrorism and also how the events of the Boston Marathon bombings will influence it?

6. My dream is that even though the episode count is shorter the budget will be the same which will mean bigger and better action.

7. The whole "skip" and "condense" some hours thing means that perhaps we will see multiple far off locations for the show, which has always been rooted in either LA, D.C. or New York and the surrounding area. Will we see Jack get on the plane to some far off exotic place and then jump to him landing...I think so.

8. Ron Swanson survived season 2, will he make a guest appearance?

9. The Bad Guys in the new season will be some mix of the following: private contractors, "Russians," Islamic extremists, red-neck terrorists. In fact Bauer has never really taken on the red-neck variety, actually....Kim has she took down Johnny Drama in season 2.

10. Will anything in this season come close to the majestic brutal power of the Fayed death from season six?

11. Jack has had some "bad luck" with the ladies in his life? Will he have a new flame this season? Does that even make sense or is the ticking clock just not gonna allow it?

12. How many Christmas Trees will Bauer destroy?

13. Kiefer is 46 years old now, which is not exactly young on the special agent scale, I wonder if we'll see him either shrug off his age or acknowledge it a la Brian Mills in "Taken."

14. Speaking of that whole time speeding up, is the reason for the shorter season because we as human beings can't handle 24 episodes of anything anymore. Is 24 episodes too long for our twitter/facebook/24-7 news cycle brains to handle? 

15. James Badge Dale was not really a known actor when he appeared in the highly underrated season 3 as Jack's partner Chase Edmunds. Now he is everywhere (Iron Man 3, Flight, The Pacific etc.) I have no doubt that Jack will get a new partner (besides Chloe of course, more on her later) but who could play that part? Don't be surprised if they switch it up and give him another female partner. This way the bad guys can say things like "you can't protect ya women Jackkkk!"

16. Chances that the season will actually just be a prequel and it will feature the abandoned "Samuel" plotline featuring legendary anti-hero Dubaku. Hopefully 10000%, long live Dubaku.

17. Calling it now we're looking at 37 confirmed Bauer kills this season and I'm not talking about random explosion related deaths. I'll be more specific and say we'll get at least 3 spectacular kills or "Mortal Kombat" deaths.

18. Earlier I asked if Tony will return. I'd say the only guaranteed cast member to return besides Jack would be Chloe as she is like part of Jack's existence now. In fact Chloe never really changes season to season...she's just always there and as neurotic as ever. That is except for the time she blasted those dudes with the machine gun!

19. Anil Kapoor - the star of the Indian version 24 has already starred in a season of 24 as a different character, but what are the chances he pops up again this time as the Indian Jack Bauer...that would be crazy.

20. Speaking of crazy, I would love to see the show get slightly meta and have Jack take down some Hollywood types. You could tie it all together with the shady world of global corporations media investments.

21. Jack Bauer is also a straight up Grandpa - how zany would it be if the whole season was actually a comedy where Jack has to supervise a kid. Kind of like Baby's Day Out but with more awesome violence.

22. I'm calling it now...Kim Bauer is coming back fo sho.

23. Feels great to be writing these again, so stoked the show is coming back, did I say that?

24. As a show 24 was a classic water cooler topic. If you hadn't seen last night's episode then don't waste my time talking to me chief. But things are different now, people binge on shows on Netflix and the water cooler isn't what is once was. Will the show's return to the airwaves signal a return to must see live drama programming? We'll have to wait and see...beee bowp bee bowp beee bowpp.

TPG's Game Time - Season 3 - Episode 7 - The Bear & The Maiden Fair (Game of Thrones Recap)

When did Thrones get so romantic? Dayuum, I thought I was watching some medieval version of "The Notebook," I mean did anybody get diced up in that episode or was it all talk of romance. Alright, my heart isn't that cold, so let's leap into the bear pit and get into this episode.

Direwolf Badassery - It's been a long time since we saw a direwolf, let alone saw a direwolf hurt somebody. One can dream.

Joffrey Swag - He got one good line about having to walk his lazy ass up those tower stairs, but as much as I love everyone's favorite demented boy King, I might have to rename this Tywin Swag cause that dude makes going up four steps look badass!

1. If you didn't catch it, tonight's episode was written by George R. Martin himself which is cool because he's adapting the screenplay from the books he wrote. Since he knows what's coming in the books and the show, we have to read deeply into everything that was said.  That means lots of mind-melts, hope you like em with a side of garlic seasoned sweet potato fries.

Bonus Update Post - It was also directed by Michelle MacLaren who's directed many of episodes of that other show....Breaking Bad. Big thanks to Sir Megamix of House Tiesto for the observation

2. The "when it suits them" speech that Warg drops on Jon Snow was incredible for two reasons. The first is just that he's is rapidly becoming a very interesting character. The second is that with his badass swordsmen skills, romantic tendencies, and general good spirit, Jon Snow is a very traditional hero so whether it's intended, I think many people view him as the one of the central protagonists of the show. So the Warg gives him that speech, he is really describing not just the Wildlings but EVERYONE on the entire world of Thrones. Great writing.

3. I do not want to offend any of my female readers, but I was VERY distracted by Oona Chaplin's ass.

4. This was a very romance heavy episode of Thrones and we got to see all different kinds of love. The Ygritte-Jon Snow is kind of the super intense I'll follow you to the end of the earth love. The love that Warg has for Ygrite is more of  a "I can provide for you love." The love that Margaery tells Sansa about is more of that "it's not that bad, just deal it and you'll be rich/powerful love." The love that Jaime has for She Man is more of the "true love can take the blackest of hearts and make it right again." What do you prefer?


5. Margaery reminds me of a certain type of sorority girl that roams college campuses. Very pretty, great lineage, immensely smart, and wildly wildly cunning. I don't know what she is scheming on with Sansa but I don't think it's all rose garden friendships and girl talk.

Joke Time: Is there a McDonalds at King's Landing because every single room seems to have perfectly golden light arches. Get it GOLDEN ARCHES. Zing!!!

6. MIND MELT COMING AT YAA -  The Wargs says that soon we'll see what "Jon Snow Really Is," which on the surface means he's a Crow, but as I said in point #1 you gotta look deeper here. I think Jon Snow is wayyy more important that he appears. Kind of like he is The Game of Thrones Luke Skywalker. His part to play in this story is much bigger than what's happening at the wall. I can feel it.

7. I dig that Khaleesi is like this marauding civil right's activist, and sheeeiiiit, those dragons are incredibly awesome, but to me her plot is all glitz and glam and no substance. Like I'm tired of seeing her marching around. Another city, cool, great, I'm sure you'll destroy this place. Show me the sacking of King's Landing and you taking the Throne, not some random city I don't care about.

8. Loved that shots of the ships in Blackwater Bay, but I really flipped that scene where Melisandre tells Gendry that's basically the true heir to the Kingdom. However, I again wonder if Gendry is doomed to be sacrificed to the Red God or potentially be given some type of Red God upgrade to become a super warrior for Stannis. I'd prefer the second.

9. Just when you think Thrones is past it's ridiculousness sex scenes of seasons past, we get a good ol' fashioned Theon Greyjoy romp...of course this is season 3 so the sex comes torture as soon as the mystery man appears and torments him again. After last season I never thought I could feel bad for Theon but he's had it bad this time around. Who are these people? My new theory is there some how connected to his spiny first mate from last season, you remember him (featured on the left), he knocked Theon out at Winterfell. Was always a shifty character.

10. Ahh Jaime Lannister saves She Man in act of selfless courage, I get it, it's super romantic but HOW THE HELL ARE YOU GOING TO DEPRIVE US OF A BADASS FIGHT WITH KINGSLAYER AND A BEAR. Really would have loved to see that. Of course the question is if She Man and are Jaime are going to stick together, sadly I think not, once Jaime is back with his family, he'll probably be on his way. That's just his style, of course he'll still have the memories, so hopefully he'll whip Cersei into shape.

That's all until next week....Hodor.

Gatsby As Gatekeeper - How One Book Introduced Us To Thinking Deep

"Involuntarily I glanced seaward - and distinguished nothing except a single green light, minute and far away..." - F. Scott Fitzergald, The Great Gatsby

Somewhere on the list of things to teach in High school, right in between "Hamlet" and "Physics" is F. Scott Fitzgerald's "The Great Gatsby." In the great literacy leg race of most read books in American High Schools I would say that "Gatsby" is constantly neck and neck with "To Kill A Mockingbird" as top dog. Sure there are other contenders like "The Scarlet Letter," "Of Mice & Men," and "Huckleberry Finn," but Gatsby is always the big cheese and the reason for that is because of that legendary Green Light. Ah yes, the green light. Many a High School mind has either exploded in understanding or wallowed in confusion when their teacher asked them "What do you think the green
light means."

Part of this confusion is because you already know what a green light means: it means go. Yet just with the tiniest prodding from a teacher, the whole concept of a "metaphor" is introduced to your brain. Whooahhh, it means a lot more than just being a freakin green light? Green means money, which is power. Green represents Daisy. Green means relentless ambition. Green means Gatsby is secretly a stoner (what? really? c'mon!) Green means Gatsby is a Celtics fan. The Green light is the hope for a future just as American settlers view America (got that from Sparknotes.) Welcome to the land of metaphors. Your brain will never be the same. You now can re-experience all your favorite media as metaphors for something else. I wonder what "The Lord of The Rings" is really about?*

Once you understand the concept that things have double meanings, then the world is a much different place. The cafeteria is a metaphor for the future class structures of your adult life. The worms your science teacher keeps in a box for his compost are a metaphor for the relentless grind of student testings. Drug Wars on your TI-83 calculator is a metaphor for drug wars, wait that one was obvious, but you know what I mean. Thanks to Gatsby, you start seeing metaphors in places you never imagined. Prom is just a metaphor for....

So when I roll into the brand new version of Gatsby tonight, you bet I'm going to be looking out for that Green Light. It better shine into my soul and let loose a host of new thoughts about what movies really mean and if the American Dream is straight C.R.E.A.M. or something deeper and more sincere. Because however it appears, there are lots of High School English teachers out there hoping that it lives up to mind blowing metaphoric power.

*If you know what it's really about...please leave a comment.

First Gravity Trailer Is Out Of This World

I've been covering this flick since 2010 and I'm still impressed by this! Dayuuuummmm

Re-Making The Myth: Appreciating The Big Budget Super-Hero Film

Hero - A person who is admired for their noble and courageous qualities, usually at the benefit of others.

Every time a super-hero film comes out, there are always detractors who say "it's just a super-hero film." Sure you may not see these statements as much in the reviews (which have been positively kind to super-hero films as of late), but if the barometer of critical praise and "seriousness" is Academy Awards than it's clear that our heroes are not taken seriously. This is a real shame, because the best super-hero films in addition to being massively entertaining and well crafted, are carrying the flame of the role that the hero places in society, a moral example for people to strive for.

Before you get going on on how people should look up to real heroes, you need to chill out. Right now anyone who is labeled a hero is quickly praised, processed, and/or penalized. In our 24/7 world, the person we praise today, is often forgotten or scorned tomorrow. We rarely have figures in our culture who endure a time-tested examples of being true heroes. Politicians are out because they are prone to the brutally cynic nature of politics these days. Any athlete that is well known enough to a massive hero, probably got there because his corporate sponsorship team put him there. Technology figures like Steve Jobs, who are praised for their innovation are quickly lambasted for their relentless drive. I think everyone can agree that we love to look for chinks in the armor, hell it's almost a national pastime. If only we could have heroes that can't be corrupted (or be free from skeletons in the closet).

That's where the superheroes come in. Long before big movie budgets made comic books come to life, I mean, technically way before comics, we had myths about great heroes who we could look to as ideals to strive for. Our current crop of modern heroes is no different. In his spectacular third outing

Iron Man excels not because of his money, but because of his creativity and determination ideals that we can truly work towards. And let's not forget Batman a hero who's entire recent trilogy was focused on Batman's true "super" power of - being completely selfless. After all he pays the cost dearly (dead parents, dead girlfriend, public thinks he's a killer, broken back, no love life, etc) so we can live free and be happy (reminds me of someone else, but we don't need to get into that!)

Ultimately these super-hero films are resonating with a natural longing for the spectacular hero. More than any other factor (actors, directors, budgets, continuity between films) Marvel excels because they recognize that longing for traditional heroes and stories and they provide that. The upcoming Superman film "Man of Steel" looks like it's on the same wavelength as well. So while people may scoff at super-hero films and say they're just to sell toys, they need to realize that they're scoffing not just a history, but at their own longing for something better.

TPG's Game Time - Season 3 - Episode 6 - The Climb - (Game of Thrones Recap)

For the first time all season I missed the Sunday broadcast of Thrones, so today I'm coming at you with a late edition of TPG's Game Time. Fear not, just because I slip up, doesn't mean I'm going to let some warg cut my rope and leave me to die, hell no! So it's going to be quick and abbreviated, but fear not, like Daenerys, I'll be back in force next week.

Direwolf Badassery - None, soon the Direwolves will rise.

Joffrey Swag - It's all fun and game laughing at Joffrey until he actually uses his bow to kill a seemingly innocent woman. Man, hating on Joffrey is fun, but there's a reason for it, this kid is a monster.

1. Fat Sam is either going to die a terrible death or come out of this saga as either A) A King B)Just a jolly old fat dude with a huge family that he sings to. Still waiting for his courageous first kill though, it's coming....I can feel it!

2. Trajectory of Jon Snow. Season 1 he's the ultimate badass, just beating the shit out of everyone and killing blue eyed demons on the reg. Season 2 he's...ehhh....kind of a wuss. Now Season 3 he's a sexual mastermind and epic hero pulling off Cliffhanger stunts, befriending the BG, and rocking out epic sunrise makeout sessions. Welcome back to being my favorite character, Jon Snow, actually you never stopped.

3. The magic of Game of Thrones is when characters from different story-lines meet and the entire "game" gets re-arranged. Never for the life of me did I think Melisandre would meet Arya and Gendry, but now that they did, my head is spinning. Why does she need Gendry, I know it's some Baratheon blood magic, but what is she really up to. Breeding more shadow assassins. And what does it mean when she says she'll see Arya again? What's that...I smell a mind-melt on the grill.....

4. MIND MELT with Multiple Eyes - I mentioned last week how clear it is Arya wants vengeance on those that wronged her family. I think those different eyes that Melisandre refers to are different stages that Arya has to go through before she becomes a master swordsman and catches up with Sir Jaqen to become a Faceless Woman aka a badass destroyer.

5. Somewhere in this episode I realized we haven't seen the BG (that's the Badass Ginger if you haven't been paying attention) wreck somebody yet. His first kill is coming and it's going to be epic.

6. The Theon plotline this season is like "Game of Thrones" does "Saw." I have no idea where it's going. For a moment I thought maybe the torturer was working for the Lannisters, but who knows? My prediction...he's working for the Greyjoys.

7. Olenna Tyrell's shtick of putting everyone down yet also keeping them up by pulling their strings was getting old and I'm glad that someone finally got her in line. Not surprised it was Tywin that dude is so cold I could have sworn he was a White Walker. Speaking of Tywin, something for all the 50 Shades readers out there.

8. That scene where Sir Loras was bullshitting about the weddings was hilarious.

9. While it's tough that Tyrion has to wed Sansa, I feel that he may be playing his family a little bit. He knows the value of Sansa to the Starks, and while he may gripe about it, I wonder if he's keenly aware of how his bride to be is actually a key puzzle piece on the ladder to power.

10. Speaking of a ladder, how about that final monologue about the climb out of the pit of chaos. Classic Littlefinger but I want to point out a couple of things here. The first is that Varys didn't seem that phased by the death of Ros. The second, if Ros is dead I wonder if Shae can't be to far behind, I say this because of their opening scene together where they revealed they're both hiding secrets. The third, is a more deep thing, but if Littlefinger says the climb to power is all brutal and rough but then at the top we get some deeeeeppppp romance with Jon Snow and Ygritte, are the creators trying to tell us that the true glory of the climb is love. They wouldn't have included an epic kiss between two lovers from different worlds, a gorgeous vista, and some serious heavenly sunlight if they didn't.

See you next week.

TPG's Game Times - Season 3 - Episode 5 - Kissed By Fire (Game Of Thrones Recap)

Last year I declared "Game Of Thrones" to be an awesome pulp epic, but lacking in serious substance. While here today I declare that the show chopped that old moniker down with a flaming sword and has re-born anew with the power of the one of best dramas on television. We're approaching "Breaking Bad" levels here folks, and we all should be thankful. Tonight was a stupendous episode that worked on every single level. It was immensely entertaining, full of narrative momentum, and above all a fascinating discorse on duty and honor. So let's go ahead and answer the call, and get into this incredible episode titled "Kissed By Fire."

Direwolf Badassery & Joffrey Swag - None tonight.

1.  There is a reason why Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, the actor who plays Jaime Lannister, is popping up in big time Hollywood movies. That reason was on display during his epic monologue on duty, honor, and family where he sliced apart his own legend like one of his unfortunate opponents on the battlefield. It seems that the Jaime who cares about doing the right thing has finally triumphed over the bad part of him (you know the kind that throws kids out of windows and kills his own relatives to survive.) Him telling his side of destroying the mad King is an interested angle and presents the central question of the episode - How does a person preserve their own honor in the face of war? Last season Jaime Lannister was barely around, he spent the season in muddy prison cells. Tonight in a literal cleansing bath, he is re-born as something new.

2. But don't think I've gone all serious on you, uh, flaming sword battles combined with a juicy kill*, yes, more of that please.

3. So Jon Snow breaks his vows literally by having sex in the Wilding version in the Playboy Grotto, but he also provides intelligence to the Wildings about where the Night's Watch is stationed. Here again, we wonder, where is Jon Snow's sense of duty and honor? Are we supposed to be believe it's ok that he has betrayed his brothers because last week we saw how low they sunk? No, I believe that Jon Snow truly believes that his sense of duty is not to Wildlings or The Night's Watch, but only to himself. And for him, that means shedding the mantle of being "Ned's Stark Bastard" and becoming his own man.

4. Thrones is slowing proving to have a bit of obsession with kills by throat. In season one Khal Drogo ripped out a dude's tongue through the throat, last week Crastus got a blade through the throat, and now we have the Badass Ginger (BG) threatening to tear out Jon Snow's guts through his throat. Enough with the throat deaths!

5. Hope there is some sun-rays coming to Robb Stark because...whoah...that was pretty dark. Faced with either preserving his army or punishing the murderous insubordinates in his ranks he came to a real moral crossroads. Again like the many others he had to make a choice between his own moral code and the realm or all the people. And while I support his decision, I couldn't help but notice that he did it despite EVERYONE telling him of the consequences and advising him not to do it, which was something his father did as well...

6. MAGIC MAGIC MAGIC - That dude Beric Dondarrion got his sword and shoulder sliced almost clean in half (flames can't protect you from dudes named after animals) but still managed to come back to life! This is magic we haven't seen before, but it does come from the Lord of Light, who is proving to be quite popular (The night is dark of full of Thrones nerds broooo.) I loved seeing more about how this magic works, but want I really want to know is what is going on with Stannis's daughter. Does she have a skin infection or is there something magical about her? Considering how zonked out her parents are on that magic, her having a special gift wouldn't be that surprising.

7. Oh what a Knight, late on Game of Thrones with my girl Khaleeessi - ok I'll ditch the Franki Valli reference and just say that the showdown of Sir Barristan and Sir Jorah aka Khalesi's comedic grandpas is proving to be something to watch. Both have different reasons for joining with Jorah seeking some type of forgiveness and Barristan seeking to return glory. There's that theme again, how does a person reclaim their honor? For these old dudes, the clock is ticking.

8. Arya Stark asks "Could you bring back a man without a head" and it becomes clear that her more than anyone wants to avenge the death of Ned Stark, she wants to do it more than anyone. And you heard her saying the names by the fire...she has a long list of people to kill.

9. Man after Khaleesi's show stopping episode last week, I was worried how we were going to get the goods again this week, but this is Thrones so of course they deliver. The Unsullied had to choose a leader and they opt for some skater looking dude who look like he dated Madonna, and he drops a badass line about keeping his name "Grey Worm" which both defies Khaleesi and praises her glory at the same time. Epic, man, epic.

10. So Sansa is going to marry Tryion and Cersei is going to marry Loras. Man Tywin Lannister must be reading a lot of soaps on scrolls because this set-up is zany (but smart). Also the Lannisters are proving that they are indeed the least fun family in the world.

Amazing episode, hopefully the final 5 will be just as good. Have a great week!

TPG's Game Time - Season 3- Episode 4 - And Now His Watch Has Ended (Game of Thrones Recap)

Nooo one dispatches their enemies like Khalesi does. Oh, hey there, how are you, good to see you, had to get that out of the way. Now let's get into this recap which had a healthy balance of violence, intrigue, family scheming, Theon Greejoy getting punk'd thrones style, and a surprising lack of sex and/or nudity, 

Direwolf Badassery - Somewhere a direwolf is growling, but we didn't hear them tonight. We only got lip service of Grandma Tyrell saying direwolves are fierce creatures that look good on shields and flags. Yes, if the Queen of Schemes herself is down with the direwolves, than hopefully the writers of Thrones will follow her lead and get some more badassery down the line.

Joffrey Swag - If you consider parading around your smoking hot wife around your dope ass hosting room swag than Joffrey had swag for days tonight. He gets bonus points for keeping the bones of his enemies around but negative points for revealing himself to be a history nerd with a bizarre hand waving motion. Also negative swag points is his inability to recognize that he is on a fast train to being whipped is.... disappointing.

1. Man Kingslayer is in a bad place. His sword hand is gone, he can't fight, he's drinking horse piss and he clearly is falling deeply in love with She Man...actually that last one is probably a good thing. Keep in mind this is a dude was pretty much a smug Prince Charming who was having sex with his sister and threw a kid out of a window. Now we're feeling bad for him? That's good writing, good acting, and just an interesting character. However, I'm not so sold on his total conversion to good-guy, he still needs one or two more selfless acts.

2. MAGIC ALERT - Varys story of his castration was a long time coming, I feel like he often mentions it as joke, but to hear the whole thing shocking. The part regarding the blue flame and the sorcerer was particularly noteworthy because A) It broadens the magic in this show more which is great B)Indicates a new magical division beyond the Melisandre red camp magic. Who are these blue magic folks? Also that is nuts that he has that sorcerer in his possession. Is he going to torture him or use him for some reason first.

3. PAUSE FOR POLITICS - For such a huge show with so many characters of a variety of different ages, genders, and races Thrones is kind of lacking in positive gay characters. I should say that while she may fit some stereotypes, I don't think Lady Brienne is gay at all. In fact as far as I know the only gay character is Loras Tyrell and he's barely on the show. Renly was but he was soft and no one took him seriously. I understand this is the world that was created, but it's a little wild that every time it comes up on the show whether is Varys talking about what people are into or Margaery talking about Renly, homosexuals always come across as disgusting. Combine this with the ridiculously stereotypical slave merchant Khalesi dealt with, the show isn't that progressive at all.

4. Let's give it up for production designer Gemma Jackson, who just makes the whole show look fantastic! The sets and the whole look of tonight's episode was stellar!

5. Last week I wondered who Theon's rescuer was, and tonight we found out he was...just another torturer. What? So this guy was killing his own men just to bring Theon back for more. That's not important, what is important is Theon revealing he never killed and kids and he basically realized he screwed up royally sacking Winterfell. His journey towards redemption has officially begun.

5.5 Also on that path toward redemption is the The Hound. He showed some serious compassion last season to Sansa and his speech about not being a murderer was on point. Where his journey takes him, I guess we'll see, but I find it very intriguing.

6. Last week jokes about Podrick's prowess with the ladies were funny, this week they're plot. What?

7. A little word about the Night's Watch Super SmackDown tonight. It was great to see Crastus go, that guy was the 2nd biggest creep on the show, obviously the 1st being Walder Frey, IT SUCKS THAT LORD COMMANDER MORMONT IS DEAD. That dude was like your old badass Uncle and I'll miss his proclamations and wisdom.

8. That dagger kill up through the throat had to be the kill of the season right?

9. So Khalesi had her big moment and yeah, as I said before, it was incredible. Roasting her enemies, freeing slaves, and marching out to pounding drums....I mean she's living the dream. Two things though: 1) This entire plot at the city was spoiled for me by the previews for the season. 2) Sir Jorah's reaction shots to the whole thing were priceless.

10. No Jon Snow this week, I wonder if he's going to cross paths with Sam as they both make their way back to the wall. Also no Robb Stark this week, ehh, I find his story the least interesting of all them.

Thanks for reading and have a great week.!

TPG's Game Time - Season 3 - Episode 3 - Walk of Punishment (Game of Thrones Recap)

This guyyyyyyyy

Can you hear the laugh track playing in the background? No? That's surprising because this was easily the funniest episode of Game of Thrones yey. Sure in the past we've had some good laughs here and there, but tonight...tonight...was a welcome surprise...too bad Jaime Lannister won't be able to clap for it...zing!!!

Direwolf Badassery - .3 points. We saw some shots of Ghost pacing in the woods, probably because he knows some bad shit is going to go down at Craster's Keep, but generally pretty weak. We also got more folktales about about King Robb being able to turn into a direwolf and that he eats his enemies. Cool, but I'd rather see that in action than here some Lannister Little Rascal murmur about it.

Joffrey Swag - No Joffrey this week, he's probably busy playing with his crossbow and trying out new fashion. 

1. First hilarious part of the episode. It opened with grim serious ritual of an legend's body being sent down the river for a viking funeral. If you've ever seen the Richard Gere Camelot movie First Knight you know what I'm talking about (First Knight is dope btw), but once that dude lined up his shot...I was thinking...what if he can't hit this. Hilarity when he tries three times and fails. And then we get a true introduction to a new character Blackfish aka Ser Bryden Tully aka a dude so badass he shoots flaming arrows and walks away knowing he hit his target. That's the Game of Thrones version of a mic drop.

2. Good thing we got a silly introduction to Blackfish because in the next scene we see that he is a keen advisor to Robb Stark, who is showing that he has a daft mind for military strategy. We've seen his tactics work before, particularly with the capture of Jaime Lannister, but here we again we see him as a true warrior King. He clearly has his shit together and is plotting his next move, smart money is that it's going to be a brilliant one.

3. Thrones Comedy Part 2 - Hot Pie, aka the fat kid that hangs out with Arya, bakes a piece of wolf shaped bread for Arya as a parting gift. Considering it looked like a rhinoceros, the whole interaction with her and up and coming badass Gendry was real funny. Gendry had that look l like "how the hell did I not know you were called Fat Pie this whole time." His gentle pat on the arm goodbye was nice little coda as well.

4. So Mance is sending Snow and the BG (that's the badass Ginger Wilding) to take down the wall. Damn I'm really hoping we get a Blackwater style throw down at some point this season and double damn I really hope this is it.

5. MIND BONE - Did you hear that guy tell Theon that Winter is coming after he made quick work of those guards in the woods (the close range arrow to the head was a nice touch)? Interesting that Theon took his hand after hearing that. Does this mean Theon is back with the Starks? Is this dude a Wildling? A Stark?  

6. Damn Stannis, I love you bro, but you look like you've gone totally loopy. Chasing after your head strategist/lover/temptress/S&M partner and begging for her not to leave, like some puppy dog college kid. You're supposed to be the true king! But what was that about King's blood. What is Melisandre up to? She needs Baratheon blood? Who is she going after? Joffrey? Gendry?

7. Funniest Scene In Thrones History - Podrick Payne, Tyrion's squire get's his reward for saving Tyrion at the battle of Blackwater and naturally, since this is Thrones and we're talking Tyrion, it's a lot of sex with some whores. Keep in mind Tyrion also sent whores to the other young man he knew...Joffrey...so it seems Tyrion is not the guy who gives books with hand written notes when special occasions come up. Nevertheless when Podrick returns and tells Bronn and Tyrion they didn't take his money and he did "things", I thought I was watching...Game of Bros and they were about to drink some meads and swap bedroom stories. Hilarity.

8. Once again we're back with Khalesi and I have to say I'm just not that interested in this story. Like I know that she's going to roast this slaver dude alive, now way she lets someone as despicable as him live, so the whole promise of a dragon trade is kind of weak. Also this guy is so one-dimensional, he's starting to feel like a racist caricature of a middle eastern sleaze ball merchant and I'm not that comfortable with that.

9. The She-Man and Kingslayer relationship is one of the most complex and interesting on the show. It's clear that he finds her fascinating and is falling in love her, but how she feels about him...hard to say, at this point, but she has to be grateful. 

10.  Seeing a super babe like Khalesi walk around with two old ass dudes made me think how funny a sitcom about a fiercely independent emo-girl and her two zany grandpas would be. I'd call it The Grandragons...anybody...anybody?

See you next week!

Elysium Trailer Is Amazing

This is the follow up to District 9. This is my most anticipated movie of the year.

TPG's Game Time - Season 3 - Episode 2 - Dark Wings, Dark Words (Game of Thrones Recap)

Hey.....you ever heard of a metaphor...man? Apparently Vanessa Taylor has. Who is Vanessa Taylor? Well that would the the screenwriter of tonight's episode. But we can get to the metaphors in a moment, for now, let's just grab our swords and do this thing.

Direwolf Badassery - 1/2 points. What's the phrase? All bark and no bite. Yeah that's that's the one. Maybe it was the whitewalker kill by Ghost last week, but this week, with Bran's wolf Summer just growling at an enemy, I wasn't that impressed.

Joffrey Swag -  5 Points. I believe they call it swag on swag. Just lots of gems from MC Joffrey tonight. The first, he said the conversation with his mother was "the most boring conversation ever." The second he told his mother "Intelligent women do as they're told."The third was his general put down on flowery fashion and then constant preening in the mirror. He's gotta look good yo.

1. So we met this new character Jojen Reed tonight, and if you were wondering, YES that is the kid from Love Actually. I wish he was around in the past two series to explain to us that the three eyed raven Bran keeps seeing is actually him in spirit form. Definitely would have been convenient. But seriously, what's this dude and his sister's end game? I'm not totally buying the whole, I came to help you out story. Everyone has motive and I'm sure we will find out his soon enough.

2. Theon is getting tortured with the old screws in the hands/feet routine. Maybe if you weren't such a insufferable asshole last season Theon I would care more about you.

3. MILD MIND BONE WITH PAPRIKA - Seeing the Kingslayer just talk that bullshit with She-Man (aka Brienne The Beauty) made me realize that he is the anti-Joffrey. He may be his Daddy, but considering that he's super smooth and deadly with a sword, and that Joffrey is the opposite of smooth and a coward, these two, while of the same bloodline could not be more different.

4. No Stannis this week but who cares because we got a power-starved character: Olenna Tyrell. She comes across as just a ruthless as Stannis but also with a dash of Littlefinger as well. Besides being beautifully shot, her little sit down with her Grandaughter Margaery and Sansa was one of the high points of the episode. This old lady defines cunning and I'm sure we'll see her in action shortly.

5. PAUSE FOR GENDER EQUALITY - A common knock on Game of Thrones as a show is that it's got too much sex and nudity. And while that may be true, it also has more well written female characters that any show on TV that I know of. Khalesi, Sansa, Arya, Catelyn, Brienne, Cersei, Margaery, and Ygritte are all great, well written, interesting characters. I don't think any other show can match that.

6. There wasn't a lot of Jon Snow and Mance tonight, but in their one scene, did you catch that Mance has successfully united tons of different people...something that no one in the seven kingdoms has done. A true king beyond the wall indeed.

7. I promised you metaphors so here you are. Did you catch Margaery learning how to work Joffrey's wood, I mean, weapon, I mean thing that shoots stuff out of it. Please...a little heavy handed by the writers but I get it. The future queen is playing Joffrey perfectly from riding the innuendos to telling him she wants to kill with him. Well done. Also I'm not sure if's a metaphor, maybe some of the more scholarly readers can help out in the comments, but there was a deep sexual tension running through that fight with Kingslayer and She-Man. Let me say that with a little more cheese - the sparks from the swords clashing aren't the only ones sparkling between these two...zing!!!

8. Was this the first Thrones episode where no one was killed?

9. So happy to see Arya back but damn was that disappointing to see get worked by Thoros of Mir like that. Speaking of Thoros, I'm getting a real Robin Hood vibe from him and his posse of the Brotherhood Without Banners. Really interesting to see how they fit into all this.

10. More magic in Thrones this season and I and hopefully you are happy about it. This show has a gift for making magic appear "real" (well outside of shadow vagina assassins). The concept of the Warg, or being able to see out of animals eyes is interesting and we've seen Bran do it, but I wonder if any of the Starks who seem to be very connected with their dire-wolves, can do it as well?

Gotta love that line - "There's no story a good drink won't make better." Keep that in mind until next time, tell your friends about the recap. Have a great week

TPG's Game Time - Season 3 - Episode 1 - Valar Doeheris

Valar Doeheris! This is the traditional response to "Valar Morghulis" which many of you will remember was the title of last years season finale. Man it's good to have Thrones back on the air and this opener while not full of wild spectacle sure was exciting. So what do you say we protect our nips and get into it!

Direwolf Badassery - 4 points. What a strong opening. Ghost just ripping a white walker to pieces, that's exactly how you set the tone for the season!

Joffrey Swag- 3 Points. Man I love hating this kid and he was in fine form tonight. Being a little wuss hiding out in his box while his wife helps out the orphans gives him 2 points. But dropping a line that people who keep him in meetings should be tried for treason, that's a healthy one point. Strong start, keep it up.

1. Right out of the gate we get a new city on the credits map - Astapor - which is where Khalesi was hanging out scoping out a potential new slave army. Let's talk about that for a second, that dude was slicing off nipples. In addition to that, he is disrespecting everyone left and right, whether it's the aforementioned now nippleless man, his slave/translator, Khalesi herself or Sir Jorah this guy is #1 on the list of dudes who is going to get ROASTED by those dragons.

2. Speaking of Dragons that whole catch the fish, cook the fish, eat the fish routine was incredible. Never seen a dog do that.

3. I love how for the past two seasons we've had Osha & Nan both tell little Bran Stark about the giants beyond the wall. I always wrote these off as stories, but now we see one in all their Hagrid like glory. Yes the world of Game of Thrones just got a little more magical and that's a really good thing.

4. Mance Rayder! Finally we meet the guy we first hear mentioned in season 1 and often mentioned in season 2. Portrayed by Ciarin Hinds (you probably recognize him from "Munich" or "Harry Potter") I couldn't be happier about this character's introduction. He's a good mix of smart, scary, and icy cool and I can't wait to see what happens. I dig how they acknowledge his past as brother of the Nights Watch which right away establishes a kinship between him and Jon. Also is Ygritte his daughter?

5. Gentle Mind Bone Alert - Let's talk about visual metaphors here folks.

• The Castle Getting Rebuilt At King's Landing - While they were damaged after the actions of last season, characters are re-building and re-positioning for their next move. All things crumble and all things must be rebuilt.
• Sir Davos Alone On the Rock In The Ocean - Sir Davos has always been a steadfast seafarer, father, and friend to Stannis. Yet seeing him alone on that rock in the ocean let us know that his path this season will be one where he is surrounded by no one. A man is an Island indeed.

6. When Sir Jorah tells Khalesi that she needs to prove herself a brave and strong warrior to the people in her Khalesar, you know what he is really saying --- "First you get the dragon fire, then you get the power, then you get the respect!"

7. It's nice to see the Margaery Tyrell spending time with the orphans. She's a great Queen, remind me a lot of Kate Middleton, which would mean that Joffrey was Prince William. Yikes!

8. I love Stannis, but the dude is colder than White Walker's breath. I get the seductive power of Melisandre, but he's clearly in a bad place right now. Whatever his storyline this season is, I'm sure it's going to be interesting. 

9. We didn't get to see Theon Greyjoy, Arya, or the younger Stark boys this episode, but I'm sure we'll be seeing them soon. After all this show has lots of characters to juggle.

10. That double threat of the dark tongued girl and the insect assassin out of the bocce ball seemed like a lot to handle for Khalesi, but you think she would learn by now to watch her back in foreign cities.

11. Tywin's put down of Tyrion was cold and brutal. Since Tyrion is a fan favorite, I'm putting smart money on Tywin to find a axe buried in his head by the end of the season.