5 Actors Who Could Play The Villain in Fast & Furious 8

By now most people know that, at the end of the excellent Fast & Furious 6, Jason Statham is introduced as bad guy for the next film. This is fantastic instant attendance news for fans and I literally am already thinking of all the different ways Vin Diesel will make fun of Statham for being British, not valuing family, and for drinking Newkie Brown instead of Corona. But with The Rock getting introduced in Fast 5, Statham introduced in Fast 6, who will they introduce in Fast 7 to make Fast 8 a must-see film. There is no such thing as too much planning, and you'd be foolish to think The Fast Gods are not cooking this up you read this. And while I know these casting questions keep you up at night, I've chosen to help you our and hit you with a list of actors who I think would fit right into the best franchise on four wheels.

Liam Neeson
Who He Would Play: Uh, this one is a no brain  brainer, he would play the father of Statham and he would be seeking vengeance on the crew that killed his sons. His particular set of skills versus the set of skills of the Fast Gang. Yes please.
Why He Would Do It: Once considered a serious actor, he know almost exclusively appears in mindless action thrillers, where I'm sure he collects a sizable paycheck. And with the Fast & Furious franchise printing money still, there is no monetary reason they wouldn't pay him.

Mark Wahlberg
Who He Would Play - A maniac Boston cop who Paul Walker used to bust bad guys with. No Walker has no choice but to take him down... In recent years Wahlberg has proven himself to be an ass-kicker, but no role has exceeded his Officer Dignam from "The Departed." Picture that character...as a bad guy.
Why He Would Do It - With star turns in "Contraband," "Ted," and the upcoming "2 Guns" Wahlberg has become something of Universal's Go-To tough guy, so it would be easy to slot him to their top of the line action franchise. Besides he took the lead in the new "Transformers" so he clearly has no problem jumping into franchises at any point.

Eva Mendes
Who She'd Play: Even though she appeared in the tail end of "Fast Five" Mendes' cop character Monica Fuentes was nowhere to be seen in "Fast Six." I could see her coming back in some disgraced cop seeking vengeance against Hobbs role. It would tie the story together oh so nicely.
Why She'd Do It: What reason would she have to pass up a chance to be the main villain in this franchise? Seriously?

Halle Berry
Who She'd Play: Some type of international criminal who the gang have to take down. I've always wanted the franchise tackle more exotic locations (Southeast Asia, Africa, The Rings of Saturn) so with her exotic looks, I think she could fit right in.
Why She'd Do It: Berry's name recognition is pretty strong with audiences, yet her choices in movies have been weak at best. A big role in the franchise could revitalize her career and position as kind of the female Liam Neeson -  a slightly older ass kicker.

Martin Lawrence
Who He'd Play: A very dangerous and powerful LA drug kingpin with connections to everyone. Sooner or later the franchise is going to have to return home to the streets of LA and I could see Lawrence ripping it up as hilarious but totally evil bad guy. Besides you know any scenes he had with Tyrese & Ludacris would be hilarious, that duo has been bringing the laughs for the last three films!
Why He'd Do It: I like to think a chance to play a bad guy would interest him.

Honorable Mentions: There are many big time actors just jump into the ultimate summer popcorn franchise, but I doubt they'd do it. This list includes Leonardo DiCaprio, Denzel Washington, Daniel Day Lewis (yes seriously, pure intensity), Robert Downey Jr., Gary Oldman, and Alan Rickman all come to mind.

What About?: Ahh, I knew you'd ask. As much as I love them Arnold, Stallone, Van Damme, and even Willis are just too old/dated to fit into this franchise. Let's keep them locked into the Expendables purgatory.

Jason Statham Needs To Fight More Monsters

Some of my most dedicated readers have been getting on my case about why I'm not pumped for "The Killer Elite." By all account I should be excited for it, I mean it's got cars, babes, explosions, guns, and fighting, that's kind of like my peanut butter and jelly, so what gives? Honestly, it's Jason Statham. I am a fan of Statham but I don't really feel the need to see his movies. How does that work?

Simply put, he's been doing the same thing for to long. I honestly can't tell the difference between "Blitz," "The Mechanic," and "Killer Elite" because they all feature him beating the shit out of dudes while he he wears dark colored clothes. That's a rule, he can only wear dark clothes. But seriously, what is he lacking, how come I'm not 100% on the train?

It's cause he's not fighting monsters or boxing.

Whaaa? Fighting monsters, c'mon son! I'm serious, look at Arnold. His first big movies had him playing a cyborg killer machine, chopping up giant snakes, and fighting intergalactic bounty hunting aliens. That's how you prove you're a badass, you take it to the next dimension, not the next level.

But what about Stallone? Stallone thinks Statham is the next great action star, this is a fact (Stallone once told me this himself) but while Stallone hasn't slayed as many monsters as Arnie, he's got his own genre: the boxing film. Stallone made many of them (perhaps you know this) and Statham should as well. It makes the audience see you as more as an underdog of the working class, instead of a top dog of the assassin with an accent class.

Of course, there's one thing that I know you all are thinking: "The Expendables!" Yeah. Whether it's the ridiculous basketball fight or the fact that he has the most kills, Statham owns that movie. However, he does have a legendary cast with him that provides some type of cool action multiplier (this happened to Arnold in Predator FYI). "Killer Elite" on the other hand has him paired up with De Niro, who I see as serious thespian, and with Clive Owen, who is cool, but has always been afraid to go full badass.

So basically, Statham just needs to switch it up a little bit. And based off this article he should star in a movie with a plot line something like this:

The US Olympic boxing team is recruited and trained by the US Government to to protect earth from an invading alien force.


Sign me up for that.

An Existential Crisis: I fell asleep in Death Race.

As I usually do, I got myself and my roommates all hyped up to watch a bad movie. When I say "bad" I mean I wasn't sitting down to watch "The Reader." I was sitting down to watch this summer's "Death Race 2000", which as described on the box contains the following:

 

"tricked our cars!", "hardened convicts", "metal crushing", "smoking hot navigators"

So naturally I was pumped, I grabbed a dos equis, some Santitas tortilla chips and pico de gallo (aka the truth) salsa and posted up on my new couch. And then disaster strikes, I fell asleep. The last thing I remember was some gruff guy saying "the first race starts now." I awoke and the menu screen was up, I slept through the whole flick.

This cuts to the core of my existence of as an action movie lover. What's happening to me? A friend said, "I knew you were passed out because "shit was blowing up and you were silent." Who am I? Why am I sleeping? What does it mean to be a 22 year old action movie lover and a person who sleeps through hot babes and fast cars?

Hopefully this won't happen again.

Christmas Classics: Die Hard

My family has been having a Christmas caroling party for over 25 years (yes that means we go outside and sing Christmas carols). After the singing, the younger aged singers retreat downstairs to the basement and watch "Die Hard." If there are younger kids wanna know what's going on downstairs or what we're watching, I tell em we're watching a Christmas classic that may or not contain language as colorful as the Christmas tree lights, lots of blood, and oh yeah, it's the one of the best action flicks everywhere.

The film has a great holiday vibe to it. Whether it's "Christmas in Hollis" on the soundtrack, dead guards wearing Santa hats, or McClane taping guns to his back with the holiday tape, this film gets me all jacked up about the holidays.

But besides these cool little holiday stocking stuffers, what really makes this film so awesome are all the colorful characters. First you got McClane, who is so badass, new school action stars like Jason Statham should study him in class. Then you got Hans Gruber, aka the little shit who wants all the Christmas gifts (aka the money in the safe). And then there's Argyle, the limo driver, overflowing with the Christmas spirit.

So did I maybe freak out one too many kids by showing them Die Hard when they probably still didn't know the truth about Santa? Yeah, but whatever, getting freaked is a small ticket to pay when the film is action classic. And if the parents ask what we were watching down there: "It's a Christmas movie, Yippie Kay Yay!"