Summer Movie Smackdown: Clash of the Titans

Reader's Note: This is my new go to format for reviewing all the big ass summer popcorns movies that are coming out this Summer.


Director: Louis Leterrier
Starring: Sam Worthington, Liam Neeson, Ralph Fiennes, and two smoking hot babes Gemma Arteron and Alexa Davalos.


Plot? - The Kraken, a big bastard water slug/demon/living turd is going to destroy the city of Argos in a week. The burden of saving the coastal paradis falls on demi-god Perseus (Sam Worthington), who really wants to kick ass, but not with any magic,
Reminds You Of?  -  A low budget Lord of the Rings. The combat isn't as vicious enough, the characters are terribly defined, and the special effects are cheesier than my legendary double layer smoked Gouda nachos... bro.
Ass Kicking Factor (AKF) - Disappointingly low. Director Louis Leterrier doesn't know how to stage epic action so none of the combat has any impact. Perseus's body count is wayyyy to low and he doesn't start really taking names til the last third of the flick. Not even one dude getting ripped in half or a scorpion attack can increase this portion of the film.
Oh Shit Moments (OSM) - Hmmm, a couple people get turned to stone by Medusa but the film lacks some really wild moments that make you cheer. This is a huge problem. I'd say the film has one part where Worthington gets all J Sully on a giant monster, but otherwise that's it.
Memorable Dialogue  - "I'll do this a man" and "If I do this, I do it as a man" and "Don't give super cool badass weapons from the Gods cause, I'm doing this as a man." This is the best line of the summer movie season so far. Every time someone asks you to do something, feel free to use it. Yo TPG, can you pass me the guacamole - "If I pass it to you, I'm doing it as a man!"
MOM Factor - Lower than you can ever imagine. The only thing that could convince your Mom would be a campaign Liam Neeson and Ralph Fiennes are both classically trained actors who they loved in mid 90's romantic dramas and this movie is somewhat similar because they're in it.
TPG Truth Drop - Sorry Titans/Gods, I can't give it. Maybe if you had Worthington riding on Taruk Mak To instead of a Pegasus, it would be a different story, but this is one action flick that never soars to the heavens to drink beyahs with the Gods, rather it's stuck in the underworld eating microwave dinner.

I'll be back in Boston tomorrow, so everyone have a great weekend. And if you're wondering what that picture above is: It's Nicolas Cage harnessing the power of Easter/Passover!

The Blind Sayid

Great Stuff For April Fools Day!

But is this a secret hint regarding character motivations, flash sideways timelines, and a Sandra Bullock guest spot on Lost? Perhaps Sayid gets his hands on Jesse James?

Jacobs Meet Lebowski

 I guess in a new episode Alpert is Lebowski in a flash sideways.

Props to the esteemed AJMATTERO for the tip

Trailer Mania: Action Fest 2010

The Expendables

If Valentines Day is the great ensemble romantic comedy of the year than "The Expendables" is the great ensemble action movie of the year. Jeez, I hope that action movie gods can forgive me for that statement, but if the trailer is any indication this movie looks beyond ridiculous. There doesn't seem to be a single piece of the movie that isn't over the top, from the cheesy music in the middle of the trailer, to the obligatory asian joke, and finally to the totally awesome narration of the whole thing. For me, as long as it stays rated R, this is the top action movie of the summer. I mean with a cast like this how can it not be the meatiest thing since sloppy joes with hot dogs and bacon.

The A-Team

Ahh, this one is a tough one, it's easy to see from the trailer that there a lot of wildly cool shit going on here. Briefly: we have tanks engaged in mid-air battles, high rise stunts, daring vehicle escapes, and Wikus Van De Merwe, but not fooocking prawns man! They need to have less jokes and more ass kicking if they really want to pack the house. Neeson needs to stop smiling and start getting back in Taken mode. "I told you I find you!" Whaaaaaat?

Salt

Angelina returns to the action genre and it looks like instead of curving bullets she is now just changing her hair color. Glad to see she is still adept at driving vehicles and jumping around like a female frog though. Could a return to the "Tomb Raider" franchise be next? As for the film, I think it could be a highly enjoyable political thriller like director Phillip Noyce's 90's classics "Patriot Games" and "Clear and Present Danger" or it could be another Angelina snooze fest like "Beyond Borders." I'll give it this, the concept of the whole mistaken identity thing is interesting, let's hope the rest of the film can ride it to action party town.

Predators

As long as this is R-Rated, this movie will probably be kick a lot of ass. Unlike the previous Predator outing AVP Requiem, which had a title similar to an opera for automobiles, this one has a solid cast. I totally buy Brody as a elite special forces Pianist (I mean maniac) and the whole concept is so simple, it will be hard for this movie to suck. Here's the formula: badass people get put on a badass planet hunted by badass intergalatic badasses with should mounted lasers. Done.

Centurion

While not as hyped as the other movies above, this one deserves to be mentioned because director Neil Marshall has been silently making a name for himself as interesting director. Sure "Doomsday" was a mess, but it was a guilty pleasure of a mess. "The Descent" is a classic and "Dog Soldiers" is enjoyable as it's well. The movie looks like an extended version of the first third of Gladiator, which is a brutal part of the film that people often forget.

New Trailer For Expendables WITH ARNOLD AND BRUCE!

ARNOLD! BRUCE! SLY! WHOAHHHHHHHHH

TPG's LOST Compass: The Package

Last night's episode entitled "The Package" was full of tantalizing hints of where the show is headed, welcome answers about the past, and another wonderful flash sideways story. So let's get going, and hopefully not run into a tree, because I don't think you all want me to start speaking Korean.


1. More than any other castaway, Jin really has a knack being a prisoner. First off, you could say he was a prisoner to Sun's father, aka he was forced to do his bidding. Then he crashes on the Island, where he is not rescued. But being stuck on a Island wasn't enough, he then got captured by the Others where he had to live in a pit for a little bit. After that he rejoins up with his homies, only to be left behind, get blown off the Kahana, only to fall in with Rousseau and her pals. Things are pretty groovy when he's with Dharma but once that bomb goes off, he gets captured by crazy Claire, and then if that aint enough, he's captured by Widmore. Damn Jin, what a rough ride.

2. The Smoked Out Locke mentioned that all the candidates have to leave the Island together. This is very similar to the season 5 theme that all of the Oceanic 6 must return to the Island together. Is it possible that the serendipitous connections of our castaways have a deeper meaning than pure coincidence. Perhaps them being together is some type of Captain Planet combined force that can save/destroy the Island.

3.  When Smoky Locke asked Widmore if he knew who he was, Widmore responded with "Only what I know about from myths, ghosts, and noises in the night!" Man, I may be too deep in this LOST game but what a loaded response. Myths - this show is rooted in heavy Egyptian mythology, it was taught in the Other's schools. Ghost - ask Miles about it, they are everywhere. And noises in the night - that clearly is the whispers, one of my favorite Lost mysteries.

4.  In last week's Compass, I talked about how Desmond was going to return to the Island to regulate Warren G style, and BOOM, guess who's back! I didn't foresee him being "the package" and as DJ Steve pointed out in the post lost talk, him being Widmore's captive would indicate that Widmore knew Desmond's purpose for a long long time. Is this the reason he didn't want Desmond to be with his sweet sweet Penny?

5. MIND MELT: Why is Desmond so important? Because he was the only one prior to the bomb who could exist in both times. See the best LOST episode ever "The Constant" for further explanation. Now, because Jughead was detonated, all the castaways are stuck in some time of permanent existence in both times. They all will need a constant to survive. What could this constant be? Maybe the Island itself, whoa I just melted my own mind. Speaking of melts, I had the best grilled cheese ever last night. The secret ingredient? Red onions.

6. I have to agree with the podcasters when they label new character Zoe as the Island's own Tina Fey. But on a serious note, what is her character's significance, and why is she a geo-physicist? My guess is that her knowledge of electro-magnetic energy pockets is somehow connected to Faraday's research, which Widmore financed. Perhaps she is the one who will re-allign the Flash sideways and the Island timelines. Whoah, that was a mini mind melt.

7. And the march toward the end continues with another great episode. I particularly enjoyed seeing Keamy and Omar again. These two are quite a duo, in fact if the Sawyer and Miles cop show spinoff ever gets made, I want these two guys to be the head bad guys for the first season. Hey, they make good eggs.

Welcome Back To Earf: Will Smith to Star in Two Independence Day Sequels?

In the craziest rumor to hit in a while, IESB, is reporting that Will Smith is set to return in two back to back sequels to original Independence Day, which no doubt will definitely be in 3D.

IESB has received a tip that Will Smith is now locked for not only Independence Day 2, but also a third installment. The plan would be to shoot both films back-to-back. Whether the studio opts to go the Matrixroute and release the two films six months apart or do like the Pirates of the Caribbean sequels and split them by a year remains to be seen. According to our sources, if all goes according to plan, the sequel(s) could shoot as early as 2011.

As much I wanted to make a joke that the sequels will be called "Labor Day" and "Columbus Day," I won't do it, wait I think I just did.

Knight & Day Trailer

Reasons to See This Movie
1. Takes place in Boston, my hometown
2. Cars blowing up and flying around
3. Tom Cruise playing a smooth talking psycho who looks like a fun guy to kick it with. Keep in mind this is exactly what he is.
4. Car chases and bulls

24 Points About 24: 5:00AM- 6:00AM

Luckiest/Unluckiest Terrorist Ever (See Point #23)

1. Jack has grade three level bruising and they are offering him painkillers. This is a man who used be addicted to Smack, and I aint talking about cereal here folks. And besides Bauer doesn't need painkillers
2. The success of the drones at CTU are just like this season of 24: completely inconsistent.
3. I love how Dana Walsh has a completely different "mole" voice than her real voice. When she wants to be a mole she just speaks real low. Her normal voice is high. I wonder what voice FPJ knows intimately.
4. "I can no longer guarantee the safety of Manhattan," yes, let's just make that clear, that line was written for the "next week on 24" bit last week.
5. President Taylor has Jack on call as some type of private mercenary, remember he's not an government employee. I wonder what type of other tasks the President has Jack do. "Jack it's the President, I need you to get some momentum going on my policies." "Sure thing, Ma'am, I'll be right there with the constitution"
6. You know a place is terrorist hide out when people are welding 24 hours a day.
7. I'm still a little perplexed why Jack has a wired headset on his ear and talks on the phone with the other ear. If he was real hardcore he'd have a bluetooth in the right ear, wired headset in the left, and iphone in the left pocket, and DROID in the right

8. The evil terrorist bossman has a damn nice goatee, I don't think it's real, just making the call now before it gets complicated.
9. Facts on the ground! Facts on the ground! Looking like a damn fine show with the facts on the ground! Alright, that joke is old and dated, but the scene where the higher ups are discussing turning over Hassan is the best scene of the season. Great mini debate in that chamber.
10. Yeah President Taylor, that was one hell of speech! A fellow CTU agent points out that she is finally taking a stand on something.
11. Was there ever any doubt if some doubt that some Washington power player was going to scheme on President's Taylor plan. No good logical political plan ever goes into motion in the 24 government without some weasel scheming to ruin it.
12. CTU has such a giant staff, but it seems like only Chloe, Arlo, and Dana are doing actual work. I guess the rest of them are playing Farmland, posting on Lost forums, and looking at pictures of chicks in bikinis (check out this video, you'll get the joke)
13. "Jack Bauer is not someone to be taken lightly!" you got that right. In this day alone, has already been electrocuted, stabbed, shot, spoken in foreign languages, and forced to watch cartoons with a toddler.
14. Ethan has probably the most un-clutch heart attack in the history of political heart attacks.

15. Rob, aka the dude that looks like Scott Brown, was portrayed as cunning earlier in the season, nevertheless I'm not buying his complete turn around to team evil.
16. How convenient that the tunnel Jack has move down to safety has conveniently located cover points.
17. You can put this Rob character on the short list of people Jack Bauer is going to destroy on his path of vengeance. Also on that list is Dana Walsh, who I really hope Bauer and Chloe get to double torture.
18. "Good luck" says Jack to the female secret service agent. What he means to say is "you're screwed lady."
19. Man this shootout is vintage 24. Loving this, and he's using smoke grenades, nice equipment choice Jack! Why couldn't you be this ruthless last week?
20. "Mr. President, take care of your family" as he tosses Hassan a piece. Coolest line of the season! Air Force One style!
21.  Man! I really wanted Hassan to say something like "You chose answer D, for death."
22. "I don't take orders from anyone except the President of the United States!" That's right Jack! Of course it seems like you generally like to follow your own rules most of the time, but I will give you that!
23. Damn Tarin has a tough life, one minute he's banging the smoking hot daughter of the President at the Four Seasons in Manhattan and the next he's a suicide bomber blowing up the Four Seasons in Manhattan.
24. Wow! What a great episode! We had a great shootout with Bauer straight up doing work on bad guys*, some meaty season seven white house politics, and great plot developments. And now next week is a TWO HOUR week, first one since the opener!

*I mean they were just an American special forces team, not sure if they were 100% bad guys.

A Peek Into My Mind

Yeah this is pretty damn accurate. Just go through every post about Avatar or Lost I've ever done.

History Is Written By The Victors and Filmed By Steven Spielberg

Everything I know about World War II I learned from Steven Spielberg. This hard fact came to me last night when I was watching the new HBO mini-series "The Pacific" which was produced by Steven Spielberg. And while I can't say I can pick a better director to shape how we view history (Sorry Michael Bay, Pearl Harbor doesn't cut it), the fact that one person is shaping how we view such a huge part of history is a little unsettling.

One look at Spielberg's filmography reveals that he has had a hand in almost every great WWII film or mini-series. Here is the line up: 

Schindler's List (Director)

Saving Private Ryan (Director)

Band of Brothers (Producer)

Letters from Iwa Jima (Producer)

Flags of Our Fathers (Producer)

The Pacific (Producer)

That is one highly decorated list, encompassing over 10 Oscars,  Emmys, and Golden Globes combined. For someone like me who's first experience with WWII comes from stories from my grandfathers, the fact that the only "realistic" visual portrayals of WWII has come from one man is startling. When dealing with history it's crucial, at least for me, to learn all the sides of the story, something which is difficult to convey in a contained story, whether it's a film or a mini-series.

Considering that Steven Spielberg has only made democratic donations, it would be safe to assume that he is not completely neutral in the stories he tells, then again, no one is. Now, before all my readers think I've becoming Glen Beckinized, I'm just saying that the best history shows all perspectives. I realize that "Letters from Iwa Jima" focused on the Japanese, but that was only produced by him and it doesn't have the same visual and narrative style as "Brothers", "Pacific" or "Private Ryan."

As more WWII veterans pass on, our concepts of the war will now be defined by these films and mini-series. Kids these days are spending more time in front of screens and less time with books. As time goes on, these Spielberg stories will cease to be portrayal of the war, but rather THE portrayal of the war. As Churchill said "History is written by the victors," but in this day and age, all stories deserve to be told.

Now You Are Free Jack

Jack has been officially cancelled, now you are free.

Hot Tub Time Machine: The Back In Time Review

If I could go back in time the first thing I would re-write history so I could star in Die Hard, Commando, and Cobra. Then I would probably make some minor tweaks to ensure the future would be better than the past and then I hop back to the present and just live my life. Well, I was certainly living my life last night when I hit up the very crowded midnight showing of the enjoyable Hot Tub Time Machine.

By now you know the story is about four pals, or three pals and a kid who thanks to some magical whirlpool action get transported back to the best year in the history of years: 1986! And like all great time travel movies they have to get back the future and have some fun while trying to do it. In terms of time travel narratives, this is not PRIMER (by the way if you haven't seen that movie, please do), it's a dumb downed time travel story for the midnight crowd.

The film is funny enough that you can look past it's flaws and missed opportunities. The four leads Rob Corddry, John Cusack, Craig Robinson, and Clark Duke all score some solid laughs, but the bulk of the laughs come from Corddry and Robinson, who seem to be having the time of their lives in this movie. But seriously, how can you not be having a ball with a movie like this, I mean look at the title.

The film is not as enjoyable as "The Hangover" but it's pretty close. There are some missed opportunities and loose ends mainly, who the hell is Chevy Chase's character. The creators also missed a boatload of laughs by not having tons of John Cusack self-referential jokes, which is surprising because Cusack is a producer on the film. But generally, if I could go back in time, to um Thursday March 25th at 5:30 PM, I'd say to myself:

Yo, TPG, what's good, yeah go ahead, buy that ticket to Hot Tub Time Machine, you won't regret it, and while your at it, brace yourself for a crushing Syracuse loss, and take the right lane home from work.

Chances are you know if you're going to see it or not. The film is exactly what you think it is: a stupid, funny, gross out comedy, albeit, one with time travel and hot tubs.

Ghost Recon: Future Soldier Live Action Trailer Brings It

Seeing tanks get blown up by mini missles, aka like in Iron Man never gets old

Welcome To The Future: Insane Choir Video

Creator Scott Haines is slowly proving there is more to youtube than sneezing pandas

Scott Pilgrim Vs The World Trailer

I guess this looks pretty cool, but honestly it looks so damn crazy I don't really know what to make of it.

Are You Enlisted In Otto's Army?

I spent four magical years of my life at Syracuse University. Considering my grammar and sentence structure is similar to a 5th grader this may come as a surprise to some of you, but I assure you that I did attend and learn when I was there. Syracuse has many stellar things about it, including to but not limited to the following: tremendous education, cheap pizza, cheaper beer, surprisingly nice fall weather, and a plethora of interesting and intelligent people.

Some of these interesting intelligent people have created an awesome website for all the Cuse folks out there. It's call Otto's Army, and I managed to actually do some real research and track down the creator who has this to say about the site:

One of the most unfortunate lessons learned in college is that one day you have to graduate, but that doesn't mean the Army has to disband.  For all the former and current SU foot soldiers, OttosArmy.com offers the some of latest insight into Syracuse sports, while bringing out your inner Otto.  Started by alumni from NYC, we have five featured columnists and a contributing staff on board that aim to inform and, once in a while, entertain.  To aide in your amusement, we have installed "Squeezing the Juice", an ongoing segment where we engage in some one-on-one banter with SU figures.  We were fortunate enough to sit down with Josh Pace (link) of the 2003 national championship team last week and will be featuring former SU basketball great John Wallace in our next segment.  So cruise on over, take a gander, and tell us what you think. And, as always, bleed orange...

The site is for all Syracuse Sports, not just basketball, but basketball is the go sport at the moment, how at the moment, try 4:07 EST at the moment. Go Cuse!

TPG's LOST Compass: Ab Aeterno

We've been waiting a very long time for some Richard Alpert answers and now we finally got them. But that wasn't the only thing that this episode gave us,  it was just as much a history lesson on the Island itself.  It provided some key details on the Island and what has/is/will continue to be going on there. So what do you say, we grab our old school wine decanter, take that metaphorical cork off and get drizzed on some deep Lost theorizing.


1. These days everyone is talking about answers and how they crave them like their some shipwrecked slave salivating for water. Well, we got them now and guess what, since the Lost creators are telling a story they didn't exactly write them on the chalkboard in simple terms. Hidden in this episode were some real quality respuestas. How did the statue crumble? It got hit by a tidal wave. How did the Black Rock end up in the jungle? Jacob brought it there in a big ass storm. Why doesn't Richard age? Because he requested it as a way to deal with his soul crushing anguish. What is the Island? It's a cork? Why should we care about the characters and the show if it looks like they are just some puzzle pieces in some cosmic scheme? Because they still have free will, focus on the variables not the constants here people.
2. So apparently the Island a cork that keeps all the evil in the world in check. The Island rests on top of the evil, so that would make the evil "Hell," now above Hell lies the earth, and above that Heaven. That would be put earth smack in the middle, and in the middle of heaven and hell lies, wait for it, purgatory. It's not the Island that's purgatory, it's the entire world that's purgatory. This is why the Island is so important, it's some type of ultimate testing ground for the human race in the great cosmic battle of good and evil.
3. MIND MELT: Richard learned the Island is a cork way back in the 1800's, but, things have changed since then. Did the bomb destroy the cork? Did the bomb shatter the bottle like the Man In Black did at the end of the episode? Was using the bomb the loophole?

4. DOUBLE MIND MELT WITH BACON: With all this talk about Heaven and Hell, and God's and Devils who is our man who is going to come back like a boss and regulate on this faith based matters? HEY BROTHAAAAAAAAA. That's right Desmond! Don't forget he was trained by monks, monks who had ties to THE OTHERS!!! The Island isn't done with him. Him being on the Island was "saving the world" aka keeping the evil at bay, the cork in place. He'll be back and then he'll shoot all the haters (yes that's you DJ STEVE) with a spear gun in the chest.
5. Sorry about that last post there folks, looks like I was getting a little drizzed myself on sweet Jacob's wine. But I must say, I really enjoyed last night's episode. Nestor Carbonell, who plays Richard really brought it hard on the acting front and fit was great to see Titus Welliver, who plays the Man In Black return to Lost. I know many people are jumping ship on LOST right now, but to all you folks out there, be like Richard and have a little faith*

**And if any of you wanna challenge that, post something in the comments.

24 Points About 24: 4:00 AM - 5:00AM

LAMEST MOLE EVER?

1. I don't know how CTU works, but they sure do have a lot of emergency lighting and also in groovy blue hues. Dare I say it's Jay Z blue in honor of the Empire State?
2. Bad guys in 24 love a couple things: facial hair, accents, and hanging out at docks. Honestly CTU should just monitor the docks at all the major cities. Oh what's that, a whole bunch of evil looking people driving in shady vans at 3AM by a dock, wonder if they're setting up a lemonade stand or trying to kill us.

3. The writers missed a golden opportunity by not magnetizing Kayla Hassan. It would hilarious if she turned into a giant magnet, kind of like Ernest in whatever movie Ernest gets magnetized, I mean they all blend together, except Ernest Saves Christmas, which is the truth.
4. The reason you have four bars and the call is going through is because you don't have SPRINT, which sponsors 24.
5. Any time Bauer gets to handle automatic weapons is a good time, but his accuracy is terrible, gotta use that Sleight Of Hand Pro perk Jack.
6. Only three Casualties after a CTU bomb, whoah they must be relieved, last time CTU got attacked, the body count was terrible (RIP Milo), and the time before that was even worse, so they got out pretty clean.
7. Chloe things Jack Bauer is in trouble, Jack Bauer doesn't get in trouble babe, trouble gets riddled full of bullets when it gets Jack Bauered.
8. FPJ is rocking some type of handheld 1999 video camera for night vision. It would be cooler if he had some of Wing Commander technology.
9. Somewhere in the universe there is a nerd smiling widely because they and only they understand all this technical jargon about trunk lines and servers, routers, cables, ITs, and sprinklers that Chloe O' Brien is talking about.
10. Renee is Jack's apartment sprinkling rose petals on the bed and setting up candles. She's gone domestic! Of course going domestic means grabbing guns out of purses. I mean Renee you are in the house of Bauer, guy probably has a weapon room hidden behind the large family portrait.
11. Bill Prady is from Arkansas, and he's clearly in love with Kevin Wade, which means that he's a gay southerner, which is similar to his character on True Blood. Yes! Next season Jack Bauer takes on the undead.
12. Jack Bauer is so damn soft these days, look I know times are different and mass killing and torture isn't the rage, but please don't make Jack all emotional in combat. Dude has killed over 300 people and now he's getting all sentimental over some SWAT team rookie who didn't follow orders.
13. This is not the first time Chloe has handled a weapon, in fact handling that little pistol is child's play for her. Don't believe me check out the pic on the right, and yes that's post kill.
14. Kayla Hassan will be alright until she realizes that exposure to the EMP has turned her into a giant blue bald man with a preference for walking around naked and being void of emotions (yeah that's the nerdiest 24 point ever).
15. I'm so sad that Hasting didn't have a good answer to the "Where do you find these people" question because that would explain a long history of terrible CTU Human Resource decisions.
16. Chloe is like a brilliant jazz pianist when she's got her hands on those wires.
17. Since when did Hasting value Dana Walsh's opinion, just an hour ago he was disciplining her like she was some hasty school girl now she's a judge of character. Come on Hastings, Chloe deserves more respect, woman is a the Alicia Keyes of hackers.
18. Last season Bauer took out 20 dudes at a dock in D.C, and now it takes him an entire episode to take out of couple of goons on NYC dock, I mean what is going on here?
19. When I saw that CTU code come back online on the screen, I really thought TRINITY was going to start recruiting Chloe in the fight against the machines. Yeah I said it, Chloe is the new Neo.
20. Renee Walker has more kills in this episode than Jack.
21. Seeing Jack Bauer in pain from bullets is confusing and makes me uncomfortable
22. I would like to be the first congratulate on FPJ for maintaining a consistent accent for the duration of an episode, well done FPJ.
23. Dana Walsh is a stone cold killer, but at least Bill Prady attempted to cop a feel before he died.
24. So the mole has been revealed and Dana Walsh joins a legendary pantheon of evil turncoats. Who is in the Pantheon? Of course Nina Meyers sits on the throne of greatest mole of all time, Queen of Mole people if you will. Who else is on the list, I'll let you decide.

Chris Evans is Captain America

Captain America Himself

Chris Evans has been cast as Captain America. Chris Evans seems like a comedy guy, and he looks goofy as hell in The Losers so I hope he can play the leader of the free world.

Ultra Hot Babes to Be Bond Girls

BOND GIRLS

Whoah, I come back and there is wild rumor floating around the internet. Apparently Olivia Wilde and Freida Pinto will be the next Bond girls. I can't be happier about this, I mean let's be honest, they are both hotter than that pyromaniac girl I know who lives in Death Valley. And yes, I pulled this directly from Geek Tyrant, which is a great website with a shady name.

Sam has been talking about Bond for months now and is so excited about it. The project has been in the pipeline for months and Freida was always the dream Bond girl, but initially she was nervous about accepting it. This is going to be the most ambitious 007 yet. Sam plans to reinvent the genre. Peter Morgan, who wrote 'The Queen', has penned the first draft of the script and it promises to be visually stunning. t will be a typically glamorous and raunchy role and Dev has been joking to friends he is cool with seeing Freida rolling around with 007.

The TPG Spelling Bee for Kids

By Jacob Perlin

After TPG makes it big as a Movie Star/Actor/Writer/Producer/Blogger in his film Billy Ray Justice and the Secret Lair of Zeus I assume that his terminology for things will become a part of the common vernacular and "dropped" on Scrabble boards and college essays everywhere. Basically the future entails Urban Dictionary and Websters Dictionary fusing into one dictionary. I have this beautiful mental picture of Tim running a spelling bee and asking the kid to spell the word "Legitness".

Here are a few of the terms that will be commonly associated with the following meanings in the future:

Drop: Always the truth, appropriate to ask for permission first, and the act of telling or doing something.

Used in a Sentence: Permission to "drop" some truth on you. Terminator 2 is by far the best of the franchise.

Legit: Taken from Urban Dictionary. A modern synonym for words such as "cool," "ill," "tight," or "dope." (All those words will be in Websters as well).

Used in a Sentence: That pie was so "legit" I'm going to snag another piece.

Yo Guy: The polite way to get someones attention.

Used in a Sentence: "Yo guy" pass that pie.

Combination of all the terms for extra points: Let me "drop" some truth on you. That pie is so "legit". "Yo guy" pass me a slice of that pie.

ONLY ONE THING TO SAY TODAY

LET'S GO ORANGE... ENJOY ALL THE HOOPS ACTION!

A Book Review Less Snooty than the New York Times

A bit of a departure from the typical TV, film, music and general pop culture fare that brings you to THIS LA LIFE daily, but I get to take over the posting today and I'm doing a book review so deal with it.

EVERYTHING IS WRONG WITH ME: A Memoir of an American Childhood Gone, Well, Wrong by Jason Mulgrew isn't only the book with the longest title I've read this year it's also the most side splittingly funny. The book is a spin-off, if you will, from his immensely popular blog, which has built a steady readership since its inception in 2005. This memoir deals with Mulgrew's early years growing up in South Philly and features roughly 250 pages of brand new material that's never been seen anywhere before.

His loyal readers are used to Mulgrew's sometimes unbelievable self deprecation and painfully honest stories surrounding his working-class upbringing and family dysfunction, but for a first time reader his writing feels unbelievably fresh and particularly hilarious. The narrative really soars when Mulgrew speaks of his chain smoking, hard edged, quasi-ex con father, who becomes a somewhat main character in the memoir. Weather you're looking for the more sophomoric jokes about his tiny Irish penis (he regularly compares it to an acorn), lack of sexual partners or booze filled nights trying to spot hookers or you're more interested in the David Sedaris-esque peek inside Jason's Irish Catholic background, you'll find yourself very satisfied with this light and quick read.

You can buy it here. Seriously, just buy it. It's cheap, it's short and, deep down, all Jason wants is to be liked... oh and a threesome. He really wants that too, so help him however you see fit.