The Quest For Fear

Never have me on your left doing a horror movie. It's a simple fact that when I get freaked out I tend to punch whatever is to my left. Doesn't matter if it's a lady, a brah, or grandma, if some shit is going down on the screen that makes me bug out, someone is getting knocked out. That being said, I do enjoy a great horror flick and I'm pretty peaceful dude.

But these days a great scare is hard to find. Some of the ones I've enjoyed recently include "Quarantine," "The Strangers," and the classic scare me out of my flannel pajamas* classic "The Descent." Yet I've exhausted my list and I can't find the really freaky ones, please post on the comments, if you know one.

I found that most of these new horror films confuse brutality with fear, yes I'm talking to you "Friday the 13th", "Halloween" and "Saw." I wanna be afraid, not just made to jump by some heavy metal soundtrack or some bogus audio cue. I also don't wanna Ralph Wiggum because of some ridiculous gore.

I've also noted that a good horror flick is ultimately subjective. My mom bugged out when she saw "The Exorcist," but when I saw it, I thought the whole thing was much less scary than "E.T." which did some serious damage to me as a child (that's a whole nother blog post). So the quest for a good scare continues, if I find it make sure you're sitting to my right or preferably on another couch.

*First time I saw "The Descent" I screamed so loud the people in the dorm room next door thought I was being murdered by roommate who had his mind fried by playing 14 straight hours of GTA:San Andreas: "WHADDUP CJ?"

Movies that scared me when I was a kid (and I was a wuss)

Now that Halloween has come, I'm sure you all have been reading lists of the scariest movies ever. I'm going to switch it up and tell you the scariest movies that were not supposed to be scary, but freaked me out.

1. E.T- Say what you want about it being cute, when I was little this movie had me bugging out, cockroach style. That part where those dudes come to his house, and they are wearing space suits, and take ET in Quarantine had tweaking out first grade style.

2. Contact- Jake Busey plays some religious nut job who doesn't want "these scientists talking to our God." He sneaks into the recently constructed alien machine and looks at the camera smiles like only a Busey can and blows himself up. My young impressionable mind was fried like eggs in that moment.

3. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory- Boat Trip. Tunnel. What. The. Shit. I saw this movie and was loving all the candy, and then, we go into a tunnel and all hell breaks lose. Millions of kids are scarred for life after this scene. Don't remember, check it out below, and enjoy the wonderful trip down memory lane.

4. Flight of the Navigator- Since they got this from the public library, my parents figured it would be safe for kids. Well, this movie is a total time travel mind warp that had me thinking I was going to get stuck in a alien spaceship, come back to earth and all my friends would be withered and have no memory of me.

5. The Truman Show- I saw this flick when I was in seventh grade and I haven't been the same since. The film is not scary, but the idea, that everyone around you is just acting and your life is TV show is enough to make a middle school kid more paranoid that kids getting high for the first time. "I'm tweaking out man, my life is a TV show."

Oh yes, if you were missing the usual post, "Zack and Miri Make A Porno" comes out today and it could be worth seeing. Don't bother with anything else.