The Avengers Is Simply The Best

Oh.My.God. "The Avengers" is so gottt dayuuuummmmm awesome I can barely contain myself. Longtime readers will know that your boy TPG lives and dies by OSMs aka "Oh Shit Moments," so it brings me great satisfaction and joy to proclaim that the movie has more OSMs than every previous super hero every made combined. For those of you who are super hero movie literate it's basically like someone took the combined power of the below sequences, shot them full of gamma rays, and made a movie out of it:

Wolverine Defends The Mansion in X2
Train Battle in Spiderman 2
Iron Man 1 Afghanistan Scene
Iron Man 2 Suitcase Suit Brawl
Thor Mjonir Fight Scene
Captain America Grenade Scene

You'll notice that last scene I included wasn't an action scene. "The Avengers" has plenty of action, shit, I mean that last act where they fight monsters in New York is easily one of the BEST action sequences of ALL TIME. Yes, I'm not exaggerating, it really is that fresh. But, the movie wouldn't be incredible if it was just all action all the time, the fact of the matter is the movie is hilarious. Screenwriter Joss Whedon knows how to structure his jokes into the narrative and they almost always work. In addition he gives each character great material that fits their personas. Captain America is noble and true, Tony Stark is jackass, Thor has humbled swagger, etc. Simply put it just all works.

So with action off the chain, hilarious dialogue, great characters, and more oh shit moments that you can possibly imagine, does anything in the movie not click 100%? Sure, there is some moderate pacing issues and some of the more minute details of the plot are a little confusing, but those are small things, this is entertainment of the highest order. Yesterday I put the Avengers on the bottom of my summer movie anticipation rankings, but now after seeing it ( I will def be seeing it again in theaters) I feel really embarrassed that I put it there.

"Avengers" is easily the best super-hero movie ever made. Yeah, I know all you Nolanites will lose your shit and say "The Dark Knight" is, but beyond that movie and it's coming sequel's brooding intensity, it's still a super-hero movie with guys in costumes, evil villains and their henchmen, and lots of larger than life technology. Where Nolan's "Batman" hides it's super hero roots around gritty "realism" and dark themes, "Avengers" wears it's comic book heritage on it's sleeve like  S.H.I.E.L.D logo. It's refreshing and incredible.

After four years of anticipation and hype, I never thought "Avengers" movie could be this awesome. I know I hype up a lot of shit on this site folks, but seriously, this one, damn, this one is 100% legit.

Why Fan Boys Hating On Twilight Is Unfounded

SWEAR TO ME MY FANS ARE MORE CRAZY!

I think they know it. I mean they gotta know right? These "Twilight " films are total pieces of garbage. And I'll risk my action movie cred and say I've seen both of em, and they still suck. While many people can report back on why the franchise is so appealing, I don't think the maniacs camped out in CAMP TWILIGHT care about reasons or motivations. They like their vampires and werewolves (and abs). Yet, in the midst of the of all this fan hoopla, the Twilight fans have one major nemesis: the fanboys.

Last year people started to complain how the the Twilight fans ruined Comic-Con, the mecca of everything fanboys stand for (this year it might be something else that joyously ruins the party). The vampire lovers took the good seats in Hall H!, They ruined the Avatar panel! The sonic force of their screams for Taylor Lautner damaged the foundations of the convention hall and endangered everyone!

The perfect example of this hatred was in May at the Iron Man 2 midnight show - Favreau and Downey Jr showed up and fired the crowd up into a frenzy. When the Eclipse trailer hit, people were losing their shit, booing, flipping off the screen, throwing junior mints and everything else in their laps (not Iphones, they were too busy tweeting). And for what reason? We're the same people! Oh, yeah, I guess I'm a fanboy, I wrote a poem about Iron Man for gods sake.

"Twihards" love their Edward Cullen and fanboys love their Tony Stark. The fanboys obsess over the perfect director for their geek opus, The Avengers, while Twihards get directors fired if they don't like them. Castings and recasting are huge deal for all parties. Comic-Con is mutual heaven. Lines for midnight shows are a must. Everyone is in the same boat, eating the same products, drinking the same Kool-Aid, just the color and the taste is different. And at the end of the day, we're all paying the same ticket prices and waiting in the same line.

3 Comic Con Commandments

In case you were wondering, yes, the storm trooper on the left is a clone wars model (the guy in the middle is also Rick Fox). Out of all the photos I have from the weekend, this is the one I wanted to share, because it represents the insanity of the weekend. So without further hesitation, I drop these nuggets on you.

1. This is a place of comfort, joy, and nerds- Those storm troopers above, in real life they could be pencil pushing office drones who get stomped out daily by some meathead ex football player who hangs out in the company kitchen. But here, at Comic Con, they are Gods, capable of arresting basketball players and courting rebel alliance babes that roam the floor. Everyone here is so stoked to be amongst their own.

2. This is a place that rewards patience- I got up at 6:30 AM, waited in line for 4 hours to see the LOST panel, and then I waited another 4 hours to see Iron Man 2. And nothing disappointed, I screamed like a little Twilight pre-teen when they screened Iron Man 2 footage, and it was worth it. I wish real life was like comic con life and you just wait it out and then everything you want is fulfilled.

3. This is a place where stars walk among us- Of all the memories, one of the funniest is when I got in an elevator with geek god Joss Whedon. I now will transcribe my thoughts in the elevator.

Shit, this dude looks familiar, all right, I know who this is

This dude is Joss Whedon, the guy that created that piece of shit show

Dollhouse, oh man, wait, is that him, I thought was bigger in real life, damn

you only got so much time in the elevator. Better ask him if he is who think he is,

yeah ask him, don't be a wuss, BE TONY STARK!

Me: Eyyyyyy Yo, are you Joss Whedon

Joss Whedon: Yes

Me: Cool

Can't wait for next year.