Alien movies that messed me up as a child.

In honor of the upcoming "District 9" I have decided to reflect back on the aliens of my youth. You see, scary ass aliens from movies giving me nightmares was as much as part of my childhood as being terrible at baseball (I was kicked off my T-Ball team). There was almost a routine to it; my mother would go out for the night and I would sit down and watch a Sci-Fi (aka bloodthirsty alien flick) with my Pops and brothers. And let my clarify while a majority of these flicks were terrifying, they all were mind meltingly awesome and shaped me into the man I am today.

Aliens

This movie sparked an intense action figure collecting spree with my brother Joe Francis that lasted for at least a year, two years if you include Predator action figures. But man, this is the one alien flick that really rips your chest open or melts your face off with the acid blood. Everything about these modafuckas is terrifying. Let's go through their life cycle.

-Face hugger lays eggs in your tummy by sticking tail down your throat

-Baby alien bursts out of your stomach like a demon jack in the box

-Alien terrorizes and kills your buddies in a cold spaceship that metaphorically reflects the dangers of space industrialization.

-Space Marines/Ripley/Bishop kill it but not definitely cause there needs to be a sequel.

I didn't even mention the ability to climb on any surface, diamond dagger teeth, huge pointed tail, or acid blood.

Starship Troopers (BUGS)

What these bad guys lack in intelligence they make up in up in sheer volume. Not to say these things weren't dangerous, I mean look at that clip, lots of people getting diced up, but they seem just a little too killable. My dudes Johnny Rico and NPH quickly found out that they were actually very susceptible to death and continually dispatched them over the course of two lackluster sequels.

Predator

Ehhhhhhh mon, the dreadlocked rasta mon indergalatic bounty hunter brah. Weapons include but are not limited to spears, shoulder mountain cannon, retractable blades mounted on his hands, and some really sweet dreads. Yet despite all of this, every movie since the first one has been terrible. Here's hoping his new reboot will deliver the goods.

Surviving Without Seeing G.I. Joe

I want to see G.I. Joe. There I said it, I feel like a massive weight equal has been sliced with a glimmering katana from my shoulders. You see by all accounts G.I. Joe looks like a pretty damn fresh movie to me. It's got one of more of the following items which usually peaks my interests regarding a summer movie

Explosions

Exotic Weapons

Tantalizing Babes

Whiz Bang POWWW Gadgets

Ninjas! Ninjas! Ninjas!

Sword Fights

Cool Special Effects (or so it appears)

The Destruction of Paris

I'm just kidding about that last one, but you see like on paper it sounds like it would be right up my alley. When I try to process why I didn't see it at midnight I think back to the words of a wise old prophet in Hollywood

 

"Son, once you get out of the demographic, nothing's the same." 

Damn, that wise old sage with maroon beard was correct, I'm out of the demo for G.I. Joe. It's strange this feeling of growing up, but I think it's natural.

Sorry Joe, maybe, I'll, umm, see you around, , on a rainy Saturday afternoon, you'll be on HBO, and I'll be bored, and well, I've said to much. Go play with your accelerator suit.

New District 9 Trailer IS AMAZING

Damn, just like that this film rockets to one of my most anticipated of August. Expect a full blog post about this film tomorrow.