Cardboard Warfare & The New Do It Yourself Filmmaking

One day you will be able to make "Avatar" in your own home with a tiny budget. Yesterday, I was emailed this short entitled "Cardboard Warfare," and while I'm not a cardboard enthusiast, I do like action/war/fighting movies so I was intrigued. Sure the actors aren't convicing, there is no story, and they're using carboard, but the effects, a plethora of computer generated trickery are top notch.

Using programs like AFTER FX and MAYA young filmmakers like the ones above are now able to create shockingly real effects. Before when a person got shot, there had to be squibs loaded onto the body, now it's just a computer program that needs to render. Other effects which used to take time and money are now accessible to kids who only want to read the manual. That last part is important, the work and time which used to be done on the set, is now taking place primarily in a dark room in front of a screen.

And this is only the beginning. Recently there has been a gamut of short films taking Hollywood by storm. Effects, just like ones I saw as child in "Jurassic Park"  will always amaze us, so becoming a wizard is a quicker way to rise in the film world, than say being a really good screenwriter. Short films like "Panic Attack" and "The Raven" all have landed their directors deals or serious meetings. Let us not forget techno wiz kid Neill Blomkamp, who blew people's minds to bloody pieces last year with "District 9." More recently, filmmaker Garreth Edwards shattered the audience's brain with his ultra-cheap, FX heavy film "Monsters."

Just months ago, acclaimed director John Hillcoat ("The Road") made a 30 minute film on the computer using the video game engine from "Red Dead Redemption." And what is Avatar but a really really really good movie made with a powerful video game engine (Note, in no way am I diminishing Avatar, Avatar is the greatest). In time tools like the ones James Cameron used will become accessible to all. 

Think about the music industry. In the past, in order to make a studio quality song, you needed live musicians, mixers, producers, and more. Now anyone can make a hit in garage-band and the music industry is completely up-ended or screwed by this auto-tuned/computer made robot rock sound. Soon Imovie will have rendered 3D objects, people, and backgrounds for people to mess around with.

If Avatar showed us that a movie can be primarily made in the computer, the only real barrier now is telling the actual story. And that's what "Carboard Warfare" lacks, a good narrative. Avatar succeeds because of the story, same with "District 9." The tool box is becoming more and more accessible to anyone, but someone still needs to make us look beyond the bullets and make us care.

Alien movies that messed me up as a child.

In honor of the upcoming "District 9" I have decided to reflect back on the aliens of my youth. You see, scary ass aliens from movies giving me nightmares was as much as part of my childhood as being terrible at baseball (I was kicked off my T-Ball team). There was almost a routine to it; my mother would go out for the night and I would sit down and watch a Sci-Fi (aka bloodthirsty alien flick) with my Pops and brothers. And let my clarify while a majority of these flicks were terrifying, they all were mind meltingly awesome and shaped me into the man I am today.

Aliens

This movie sparked an intense action figure collecting spree with my brother Joe Francis that lasted for at least a year, two years if you include Predator action figures. But man, this is the one alien flick that really rips your chest open or melts your face off with the acid blood. Everything about these modafuckas is terrifying. Let's go through their life cycle.

-Face hugger lays eggs in your tummy by sticking tail down your throat

-Baby alien bursts out of your stomach like a demon jack in the box

-Alien terrorizes and kills your buddies in a cold spaceship that metaphorically reflects the dangers of space industrialization.

-Space Marines/Ripley/Bishop kill it but not definitely cause there needs to be a sequel.

I didn't even mention the ability to climb on any surface, diamond dagger teeth, huge pointed tail, or acid blood.

Starship Troopers (BUGS)

What these bad guys lack in intelligence they make up in up in sheer volume. Not to say these things weren't dangerous, I mean look at that clip, lots of people getting diced up, but they seem just a little too killable. My dudes Johnny Rico and NPH quickly found out that they were actually very susceptible to death and continually dispatched them over the course of two lackluster sequels.

Predator

Ehhhhhhh mon, the dreadlocked rasta mon indergalatic bounty hunter brah. Weapons include but are not limited to spears, shoulder mountain cannon, retractable blades mounted on his hands, and some really sweet dreads. Yet despite all of this, every movie since the first one has been terrible. Here's hoping his new reboot will deliver the goods.

Is This the Start Of The Summer Movie Season?

Is it finally here? Has the summer season arrived? The days of sitting through terrible winter films like "Push" and "Pink Panther 2" have been crushed by the impending summer movie behemoth? This week we have "Monsters Vs. Aliens" and the week after that we got "Fast and Furious," and then, and then, we have "Dragonball: Evolution?" Come on Hollywood, way to deflate the momentum. Jeah, I'm aware that the Hannah Montana movie opens the same week as Dragonball, and yeah I don't consider either of them a summer flick.

So I'm going to make this clear, don't be tricked by this glorious two week movie period.  The popcorn tubs are going to overflow until May, when "Wolverine" claws our faces up with his awesomeness (Snikt, Snikt).

Another indicator that summer movies have not truly arrived is the stinking laundry heap of a movie called "The Haunting in Connecticut." Why does it have to take place in Connecticut? Are there tax incentives to shoot there? Does Connecticut just happen to sound better in the audio mix? Something tells me "Tha Haunting in Maine" doesn't have the same ring to it. Then again, a movie about a haunting in Maine, complete with ghost lobsters and possessed lobsta men with thiaaacck maine accents could be a classic.

Obama Can Save Us If The Aliens Ever Attack

While watching the extremely moving Inauguration ceremonies yesterday, I could hardly think about anything except how amazing the whole day was. The crowds were bigger than anything I had ever seen and the whole thing just seemed so damn majestic. It occurred to me that Life for once has delivered something so moving and spectacular that it couldn't be captured on film. That whole plane landing in the Hudson, amazing, yes, but it was too Hollywood. But Obama, giving the speech of a lifetime in front of 2 million people, Hollywood can't deliver emotions like that.

But after it faded and I was at home snacking on some peanut butter cups watching Transformers, it occurred to me. If Aliens were to ever attack our planet (aka The USA, cause Aliens never attack anywhere else), Obama would be the guy I would want to deliver the speech about getting off your ass and fighting the intergalatic menace. Why this crazy thought occured to me is beyond me. Maybe that's what happens when you're living thislalife.

How many times can a pick axe hit you in the face?

No matter how many times it happens, things flying off the screen never ever get's old. Watching this "movie" I was just constantly waiting for the next 3D effect to make me scream. It didn't matter if it was seeing a girl run around naked for 5 minutes (which is a long ass time) or if it was watching some eyeball got popped out of some nerd's face, the 3D effect was worth it.

The story in the film is as simple as they come: an evil coal miner stalks hot co-ed in a small mining town. He wears a creepy mask, breathes like Darth Vader and has one headlight on his forehead.

I guess with Obama bringing change to America, the movies are going to start to change as well. My Bloody Valentine is one of the first 3D movies, of 2009, but it is not the last. "Monsters Vs Aliens", "Final Destination 4", and James Cameron's epic "Avatar" are all coming out this year in the format.

The only problem with 3D is that things can pop out at you over and over again, and it takes a long time to get tired of it. Yet, I can not help but hope that in time the 3D effect of the "pop out" will feel dated and the true uses of the medium can put to effect. What those artistic uses are, I'm not sure, but they probably don't involve naked babes and evil psycho miners.

Is it lame to be excited for Monsters Vs Aliens

At one point in my life I had a choice between "No Country For Old Men" and "Beowulf" in 3D. I know "No Country" is amazing and has some pretty serious action, but I just could not say no to that whole "I am ripper, I am slasher, teeth in the night, I'm the ultimate badass" speech. So, friendo I saw Grendel get owned in 3D. The movie kind of sucked, but the 3D was exciting and fresh. And now I see this "Monsters Vs. Aliens" trailer and I can't help but feel jazzed up.

I mean, there are some good laughs in the trailer, are they stupid laughs, yeah, but most laughs are stupid. But let us not forget that Dreamworks Animation, the studio, making this film brought us "Shrek" and "Kung Fu Panda," two awesome animated features.

People who whine about 3D glasses need to relax. Millions of people wear glasses every day, and get along with life just fine. So what is the problem with wearing coold "Back to the Future part 2" shades for 2 hours so you can marvel at the silver screen.

Could it suck? Yeah it could, but if this film get's one good review, I'll be there opening day.