Decade Jumpoff: The Symmetry of Diesel

Vin Diesel is the decade's most symmetrical movie star. His ten year span of ass kicking and pushing pedals to the limit is almost poetic in how it fits together. And while I'm not saying it was composed with a fountain pen by Kay Ryan (that's the Poet Laureate yo), but it's interesting how it all fits together.

Some say that Diesel's career started with movies like "Boiler Room" and "Pitch Black," and while those were solid films, let's be honest, things didn't jump into higher speed until "The Fast and The Furious."

It was a movie that took a classic American story; a man, a car, and whole bunch of evil folks and updated it with nitrous tanks and import models. Yet it no coincidence that other characters in the film (Paul Walker, Ja Rule) drive foreign imports, Diesel, Mr. Melting Pot drives a classic American muscle car (granted he totals it in the end, but hey, that's foreshadowing his career trajectory).

With "The Fast & The Furious" underneath his belt, he took a whole bunch of bizarre projects trying to become an even bigger star. He fought aliens (including an alien Judi Dench), battled terrorists with XXXtreme sports, and even saved babies from Koreans (come on now Vin!), but never became the massive star everyone thought he would be. So he went back to what he was good at: punishing fools and pushing pedals to the limit. 2009's "Fast & Furious" was a smash, opening to 70 million and making over 340 million world wide.

So, Vin, you start the decade with fast cars and end it with end with faster cars and I'll forget about the crap in the middle. Wait, what, now that you're a star again, your making sequels to Chronicles of Riddick and XXX, no, you can't be serious, didn't you learn anything? Vin? Vin?

The Fast and Furious Never Gets Old

Man, I saw "The Fast and Furious" at a ghetto movie theater where only one guy was working. Seriously he was selling popcorn, hawking tickets, and starting up the film all at the same time. I didn't pay to see it, just walk in. Either way, I'm glad they got everybody back together for the new one. Will I see it? Maybe? Will it be full of crash banging eye popping Jordana Brewster is banging crazy action guns blazing showdowns? Yes, yes it will.

Elf: Think of the potential

Last year was the first time I saw "Elf." Yeah I know I was late to the holiday party, but, let me just say, if you haven't seen it yet, check it out. It's heart warming and pretty damn hilarious. It also contains pretty much the coolest snowball fight ever. Now it is possible that "Snow Day" had a snowball fight, but I would also say that it's possible that no one saw "Snow Day."

But back to the balls of snow, if this is the raw power that elves possess when it comes to snow combat, what the "H-E-Double Upside Down Candy Canes" are snowball fights at the north pole like? Rapid fire snowballs, constant ammunition, chilling (ZING!) accuracy, and never ending cheer. I'm not even going to go into the whole air support from the Reindeer thing, that alone is a whole other flick. I can see it now:

Red Nose
A Heart Warming Story of an Underdog who showed everyone the light.
Starring Paul Walker as Rudolph and Vin Diesel as Blitzen.