Happy Birthday Steven Spielberg

Today is Steven Spielberg's birthday and to honor him, I figured I would break down some of my favorite scenes in his repertoire.

1. Hungry Raptors Hit The Kitchen- This classic scene from "Jurassic Park" nearly made me urinate in my sweatpants when I saw this in the theater. When that raptor opens the door you know he's not there for Spaghettios, he's there to eat kids.

2. Kari-mah, Kar-MAH, KARI-MAH- Another scene that seriously damaged my mind as a child. From "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom," this sequence had some wicked evillllllll (notice the extra letters to exclaim the point) Indian priest ripping out some poor guy's heart. What makes the whole thing bonkers is the guy is alive when it happens and that the Priest dude (a.k.a. the guy with the headdress) is chanting some crazy shit that still lives on in my nightmares.

3. Boooby Traps- As a child I was fascinated by the booby traps in the Indiana Jones movie, but "The Beard" outdoes them all in "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade" where Indy has to go through not one but three elaborate traps to get to the grail. You know the stakes are high when the young terrified nazi tries to go through and his head comes rolling out like a soccer ball. Of course, it's not problem for Indiana Jones.

4. Hiding in Public View- This often forgot film has a great chase scene when Tom Cruise evades capture by hiding behind the things he knows are going to happen. It has been more done more recently in some effect in the "Bourne" films, but first done here it's effective and exhilarating.

5. Dude Eaten Off Toilet- So fitting that the guy who's a huge ass in "Jurassic Park" get's eating while sitting on the toilet. A great way Steven takes a movie that had me melting in fear (and awe) at the dinosaurs and makes it just a little bit funny. (readers note, from now on I'm going to use this clip on the blog to show when things are awesome, stay tuned)

Life in the Era of JB (Bauer, Bourne, and Bond)

My mom once described James Bond movies as all about "killing people and throwing women in closets." In some sense every Bond movie up to "Casino Royale" was essentially about this. Bond was the smooth mack; a secret agent with the flyest gadgets, the right words with the ladies, and the deadly skills to dispatch enemies with gentle ease. Yet something happened: the world changed and James Bond changed with it.

The new Bond reflects the world of the 21st century. Villains are no longer simple dictators like they were in the cold war. The villains are corporate business men and small parts of organizations that span the globe. And with villains like these stalking the the seven continents, James Bond does not have time to eat, sleep, go to the bathroom, drink martinis, or chase women.

"Die Another Day", the last Brosnan, and traditional Bond came out in 2002. This means it had been in development for at least a year. In 2001, "24" aired it's first season and in 2002 the first Bourne movie came out. It is no coincidence that the Bond ("Casino Royale") after these two spy franchises was completely different.

The new spy in the 21st century is one of constant engagement, a.k.a he doesn't get nap time. Just as the Bush Administration created the "axis of evil", the new super spy, is one that is constantly on edge, and always willing to engage threats. Consider the following similarities.

1. All of their initials are JB. I know this is obvious, but's it still interesting on a semantic level.
2. All of them have lost someone close to them. Bond it was Vespa, Bourne it was the girl from Run Lola Run, and Bauer it was his wife.
3. All of them have served their country and suffered from it. Bond lost the girl he loved, Bourne has some deep memory problems, and Bauer is just a killing machine who has lost the ability to love.
4. All of them fight evil organizations, no matter if they are internal threats (Bourne, Bauer) to external.
5. All of them don't have time to play around with women. And if they do, the girl will probably be slayed, and I mean that it killing way, not the other way.

All the reviews of the "Quantum" say it is just a epic action movie that features no gadget or no scenes Bond cruising chicks. He can't, how can you, when you compete with the other JB's out there.