If I was a kid I would be seeing "Race to Witch Mountain"

"Short Circuit", "The Last Starfighter," and "Suburban Commando." These are all movies which were popping off like champagne corks when I was kid. No, I was not drinking booze when I was child, I was drinking up dope fantasy action flicks. And this weeks "Race to Witch Mountain" looks like it's one of those throwback flicks. Of course, based off the trailer it looks to have great special effects and plenty out of out of this world moments.

The other flick opening this week is "The Last House On The Left." It tells the story of a family who gives shelter to a bunch of drifters only to learn that those drifters seriously messed up their own daughter earlier in the day. Yeahhhh, I'm not interested. When it comes to horror, I want horror that involve monsters eating people, not hyper realistic human on human killing. From what I can tell, this flick is completely devoid of zombies, killer sharks, killer rabbits, demons, or aliens.

Speaking of aliens, in "Witch Mountain" there are aliens, which makes me wonder. What would a blend of the two films look like. "The Last House on Witch Mountain." I think it would be a drama.

Where Art Though, Arnold?

My brother gave me "Conan the Barbarian" as a Christmas gift when I was in 4th grade. He also gave me "Hoosiers", but while that movie is legit, I was more excited about Conan. In that film Arnold slays some serious beasts including but not limited to a James Earl Jones snake monster, evil vampire hookers, and numerous hairy men. In case you were wondering the movie why is the movie is awesome. Watch this clip of Conan describing what is best in life and you'll see what I mean.


Now, Lionsgate is trying to remake this movie. But here is the problem, no one in Hollywood is even close to having the badass action cred to play a hulking barbarian warrior. Can you imagine Seth Rogen holding that sword. George Clooney? John Cena, most of you don't know who that is. And some of you are thinking, what about "The Rock" Dwanye Johnson, come on seriously, the dude's next movie is called "The Tooth Fairy", and yes, he will be wearing a tutu.

Which brings me to the final point. Arnold needs to get out of this political gig and get back into doing what he does best. This includes, but is not limited to the following.

1. Killing intergalactic bounty hunters
2. Fighting liquid metal robots from the future
3. Getting pregnant
4. Engaging in a mortal fight to the death with the devil
5. Saving Kindergartners

Arnold come back, we need you.