Wolverine: You should have killed more Commandos

I WANT MORE OF THIS!!!!

When the best things of the midnight opener of "Wolverine" are the dude dressed exactly like the man himself (yes, claws included), the people throwing cards at the screen when "Gambit" appears, and the collective groan of the audience when the scene after the credits is a waste. Basically, the movie sucks, it does not deliver as an action movie or as a fanboy flick.

It doesn't take much to please the nerds, I mean, the place went bananas when "Gambit" just physically appeared. However, the fact that not a single throwaway mutant doesn't even appear during a mutant jailbreak was claw to kidney of all fanboys. One of the best parts of the X-Men movies are the mutants from the comics who appear. Think of Colossus's cameo in X2, Multiple Man in X3, things like that. There is nothing like that at all in this flick. And if there is, it's not clear enough (Quicksilver maybe makes a cameo, but honestly, who is Quicksilver, let me get some Omega Red).

But beyond the nerd complaints, the weak story, and the un-inspired direction, the major flaw with the film is the lack of quality action. Rather than show Wolverine in all his glory, the film is edited so rapidly you can't appreciate it. For example when Wolverine kills all those commandos in the mansion in X2, you know exactly what he's doing, you see it, the camera lingers. In this film, first off, he doesn't kill nearly enough commandos, and when he does fight, it's so rapid, it's tough to tell what's going on. I wanna see claws in chests, not rapid fire editing that reminds me of Hancock

To sum it all up, this movie was a massive disappointment. Granted it's probably like that because I was so excited for the film I considered taping knives to my hands and was screaming like Logan himself while waiting in line. But either way, this movie doesn't deliver at all. In other news, check out this awesome picture from IRON MAN 2!

Wolverine And The Great Fanboy Dilemma

Almost a week ago, I said that "Wolverine" was the movie that was going to kick-start the popcorn bucket goodness of the summer movie season. And now yesterday, a working DVD print of the upcoming summer flick "Wolverine" leaked onto the internet. Anybody who knows how to download movies (which is about every male between the ages of 12-25) could be watching it in hours. And every fanboy, the same people who have been analyzing each trailer frame by frame (I would not't be doing that, nope, no, not me) had the opportunity to get their claws on their beloved X-Men Opus early.

To watch or not to watch? To snikt or not to snikt? These are the questions fanboys faced yesterday. The big websites for geeks posted articles saying they don't support early reviews or the piracy of the print. I see through this claim, it's obvious the film geeks who depend on the studios for "scoops" don't want to damage their relationship with the studios. I get it, but quit with the Holier Than Thou business. If someone presented with one of these websites a chance to peep, let's say, Star Wars Episode 7 early, they would break into studios ninja style to do it, wait, kind of just described the plot to an actual movie.

While I don't support piracy, I was tempted to peep the movie yesterday. Then I realized one of the best things in the world are midnight screenings for nerdastic movies. Nothing matches the excitement of staying up late, getting a large coke to stay awake, and geeeeeking out with an audience that knows every name on the mutant database in X2. I'm going to wait. And with that comment, I have let my nerd flag fly a little to high. I'm going to ummm, drink some beer, and watch some baseball!

Oscar Fallout: I'm Wolverine!

Last night at the Oscars, there was two surprises. The first was that Mickey Rourke did not win for best actor, the second, some random movie won for best foreign film. But's let talk about the show's opener, Hugh Jackman was singing, dancing, and basically giving it his all. I loved his techno bit about "The Reader." And then he closes it out, by singing "I'm Wolverine!!!" at the top of his lungs.

Yeah, you are.....bub.

And just like that I realized, I'm pretty jazzed up for "Wolverine," wait, let me re-phrase that, I'm reallly AROD steroid pumped up for "Wolverine".  I love big summer popcorn flicks, I love comics, and I like comic movies with badass heros with knives on their hands.

Besides that the director's (Gavin Hood) last film, "Tsosti" was amazing, what really revs up my engine is the promise of new all these new X-Men characters on the big screen. Seeing Deadpool, Gambit, Sabretooth, Silver Fox, Cyclops, and Wolverine all over the place is going to be a trip. But honestly, it's just a warmup for the Avengers, which is going to be so fly it's going to turn our minds into jelly.

Clint Eastwood: The Badass Remains

"Gran Torino" opened at the top of box office this weekend with 29 million dollars. Considering that Clint is 78 years old, this display of box office power is astounding. But I don't think that many 78 year old folks are flocking to the movies these days. I think people wanted to see Gran Torino because they wanted to see one of the only American badasses do his thing on the silver screen.

The badass is a beast struggling for survival. Arnold turned to politics, Van Damme turned meta, Seagal went off the deep end, and Stallone exists in his own hyper violent world. Yet in thislalife, Eastwood alone remains the classic badass both in his roles on film and in real life.

I had the pleasure of meeting the guy while working in LA, and he only spoke four words to me ("what's up kid" & "Thanks kid). In real life and in the movies he's always taking names and meaning business. And one can deny that there are no real badass American actors to take his place*. Christian Bale, he's welsh. Daniel Craig, he's not American. Hugh Jackman, he's an Aussie. I guess all we have is Will Smith, but he's busy selling of his body parts.

So Clint, keep doing what you do.

*Keifer Sutherland is approaching badass status.

Cheeky Bulls, Rovers, and Ladies: Welcome to Australia

Grandmas are the primary audience for the new film "Australia." For it is a film so old fashioned, so romantic, and so epic it would fit in in the giant epics of the past. Oh I did I mention that it's a great ride.

A great ride, that's my primary goal when going to a movie like this. Sure I like this super emotional, super heady, super oh-man-that-was-so-depressing-I-can't-eat-a-sandwhich-without-crying emotional (this is what happens when I see any Clint Eastwood directed film).

Yet Australia is about as non-depressing as you can get. It's pure popcorn, it's popcorn covered in so much butter the bag is greasy goodness. It is non-stop traditional moviemaking and storytelling. Heroic cowboys, fish-out-of-water scenarios with beautiful ladies, sweeping vistas, nefarious villains, and adorable kids. Everyone has a happy ending (except the bad guys of course).

Too often we think of "ride" or entertaining movies as movies where robots engage in battle royales, superheros shoot white stuff out their hands, or landmarks get destroyed. Australia is that ride movie, however it's just rolls along like a cattle stampede, yet instead of a cattle stampede, it's more a old fashioned Grandma stampede. And they're all rolling to theatre.