How The Dark Knight Rises Succeeds and Fails Spectacularly At The Same Time

"The Dark Knight Rises" is an excellent conclusion to Christopher Nolan's cinematic take on Batman, yet it's also a disappointing sequel to "The Dark Knight." Don't freak out here folks, the movie is not bad by any means, it's totally deserving here of your money and at 2 hours and 45 minutes, your time as well. And while I may just be someone recovering from my massively high expectations, I still can't shake the feeling that Nolan botched his follow up to the one of the greatest films of all time.

In order to understand this, let's take a look at "The Dark Knight." Full of incredible performances, epic action, and a tight focused story, it won a boatload of awards and received the distinction of being "more than a comic book movie." The reason it carries this badge of honor is because it is a film about the battles of ideas, just as it's a showdown between Batman and Joker. A clear parable for eight years of the Bush Presidency, the film makes statements on the effect of terrorism on society, the burden of protecting the populace, and the individual's deep potential for good. The climax of that film is not a comic book showdown but rather a Shakespearean battle of ideas with three deeply psychologically wounded men trying to save what they believe in. It's all deep, rewarding, and while not totally entertaining (I've always found it to be a little heavy), it's completely effective.

Going into "The Dark Knight Rises," I was expecting more of the thematic weight mentioned above. Written by the same creative team and trailers featuring dialogue seemingly ripped from the "Occupy Wall-street" movement (Nolan even discussed shooting at the camps) I was expecting more social commentary about our world and Batman's place in it. Sadly, these ideas are nowhere to be found in the story. That isn't to say Nolan doesn't try to make this a political story. Scenes of mutilated bodies hanging off bridges, debris clouds enveloping police officers, and airplane hijackings all are clear images inspired by the "war on terror," yet the driving force behind them, the primary villain Bane, doesn't give them any thematic weight.

Physically intimidating than anything else, Bane doesn't stand for anything as clear as the Joker's anarchistic message. He gives some great speeches, but ultimately as details of his plan, back story, and a certain alliance seem to render it all mute. Seeing him battle Batman is thrilling powerful stuff, but he's just muscle, and little else (which has to be disappointing to comic book fans) At the end of the "The Dark Knight" the Joker is literally left hanging, but it doesn't matter, his power is felt beyond his actions. Here...Bane is just...a beast...and not much more, his actions don't have real impact on the story and the film suffers because of it.

But where the film fails to execute on it's interesting ideas, it succeeds everywhere else. Michael Caine is astounding as Alfred, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt is great as a noble Gotham cop, and Anne Hathaway's Catwoman is very enjoyable. The action particularly in IMAX is thundering and the insistence on practical effects over computer generated stuff is refreshing. Thislalife readers will be happy to know there are many Oh Shit Moments and many times I found myself pumping my fist in excitement.

Finally while the film may fail on making a statement about the world we live in, it does a great job of concluding the journey of Bruce Wayne and The Batman. As a whole, this is probably the best super hero movie trilogy ever made, and maybe even the best trilogy ever*. In the future I'll be dropping more posts about how the film stacks up against other comic book films, where I think the franchise is going, and soon, I'll be giving you some news about it, but for now, go see "The Dark Knight Rises," its a great movie, but not as good as the masterpiece known as "The Dark Knight."

*It's definitely better Spiderman and X-Men. I'd even say it's better than the original Star Wars trilogy. The only one it has trouble with is Godfather.

*For a great article about the politics of the film check out Badass Digest

TPG'S Chemistry Class: Episode 5001 "Live Free or Die"

Remember when Walter had once had to practice using a tiny little pistol? Welcome to Breaking Bad, where our hero (?) has made a massive leap in terms of fire power. But we'll get into all that in a second, but first, let's just be happy that this amazing show is back!  There was a lot going on here so let's put on our chemical suits and step off the ladder into the meth soaked details of this first episode.


Meaning of Title - Last year I did a post about how the whole show is really about the individual's quest for control. This episode just reinforces that. Free is the only way to do it, you either make the rules or you're a sucker.

Acting! - As much as I wanna give it to Jonathan Banks (Mike), I gotta give up for Bryan Cranston for just reminding us what a monster Walter White is.

1. Let's get right into it with that opening. Set sometime in the future, we have Walt going by an alias purchasing an M60 machine gun from someone in a Denny's bathroom (isn't that where all firepower gets purchased). Couple things I noticed here was that Walt is still coughing, which indicates that his cancer may be back at this point in the future. Also he seems extremely weathered and he's celebrating his birthday by himself so maybe at this point both his family and friends (?) have all left him. And finally, later in this episode he tells Jesse he doesn't have much cash on hand. Well leaving 100 dollar tips and buying GTA like firearms certainly indicates the winds of scrilla have blown back in his favor. But could he could afford a better disguise, if that is even a disguise? I think it is.

2. I love how Walt is now "The King" with Gus being dead but he's still pretty sloppy at the whole criminal thing. See how he bumbles around his kitchen cleaning up bomb making supplies, pours himself some whiskey, and then remembers the Lily of the Valley, a massive piece of his devious schemes. He may be close to Montana/Corleone status in terms of power, but he's still a bumbling bald dude.

3. Speaking of bald dudes, we as viewers should be aware that Breaking Bad is pretty much Breaking Bald with the bulk of the characters not sporting any flowing locks. Walt, Hank, Mike, and now Ted have embraced the shiny top (while I'm not sure it was Ted's choice) and Jesse as well keeps shit short as well. I wonder what show creator Vince Gilligan has against hair.

4. When is Jesse going to explode? He's way to trusting of Walt: loaning him money, following his plans, putting his life on the line for his. Content with now being satisfied with janky magnetic plans (yeahhh bitchhh) he has a showdown of epic proportions when all is revealed regarding Jane and Brock. Perhaps that M60 is for the final showdown with his former student.

5. Can we talk Godfather here for a second? It's no secret that show loves to pay homage, but I was shocked that Ted survived after those oranges fell on him, which in the masterpiece film is a dead giveaway someone is about to bite it. Also all these scenes with the baby, I got a really creepy Godfather Michael Corleone vibe. Skylar messed up big time by roping Ted into their business and I wonder if that kiss at the end...was like the one Michael gives Fredo...and we know how that ends for Fredo (he gets killed... if for some reason you haven't seen Godfather 2...and if you haven't...really...get on that shit!).

6. Yes I did just say that I think Walter would kill Skylar to stay in power.

7. This season we'll be featuring some guest commentators, so I had a chance to ask "The Spirit Of The West "(follow him on twitter here) on the cinematic classic western imagery and archetypes figured into last night's standoff.

While last night's episode was more "caper" than anything else (there were BLACK SKI MASKS), Western influences still shined through. Take Mike's confrontation with Jesse and Walt. It's the first time he's seen either in weeks, and since they last met, those knuckleheads sort of killed his boss. They're probably going to get grounded! In an insanely beautiful shot, two cars nearly collide before coming to respective screeching halts. And sure enough, Mike draws his gun as soon as he gets out of the car. 

8. Glad to see the Boston Museum of Science getting a shout out, great museum.

9. How nice that they ended up at the junkyard, hatching schemes, as the junk-yard has figured prominently into Breaking Bad mythology. I'm sure astute viewers picked up on the red and blue cars in the background. Chemistry Class readers will recall the Real Life Scientists epic explanation for how those colors fit into the show, glad they're keeping it going.

10. We didn't get to see how Hank reacted to the laptop getting toasted, but it's safe to say he'll be heated. He was walking with a cane, which shows he's made huge progress, by the end of this micro-season he'll be on his feet. Re-invigorated, he's going to be on the warpath, and it's only a matter of time before we get the showdown we've always wanted.

Is Damon Lindelof The Defining Philosopher Of Our Times?

Damon Lindelof is many things. First and foremost, as a TV writer/creator he is one of the two gatekeepers to LOST empire, a title which earns him both world renowned scorn and acclaim. Second he's a prolific feature film writer, having earned credits on gigantic films like the new Star Trek films, Prometheus, and the upcoming World War Z. With these accomplishments he's a massive figure, albeit somewhat polarizing figure in the nerd world, but I think it's time to add another identity to his growing roster: modern day philosopher.

Yesterday it was announced that Lindelof will be adapting Tom Perotta's excellent book The Leftovers as a TV series for HBO. The book deals with people in a small town who are left-behind after a "rapture" like event occurs and millions of people around the world disappear. I've read the book and found it to be a cool exploration on how faith, society, and religion impact the individual. This is a theme that Lindelof seems to have carved out a little niche for himself. Simply put there is nobody in modern media who makes people question their existence like he does.

I realize that this might make serious philosophers question their existence even more, but if you look at some of the themes found in his biggest bodies of work, it's undeniable. Take "Lost" for example, a story about people searching for meaning on a stranded Island, it quickly turned into a mediation on time, love, destiny, good & evil. and of course faith. The final season was practically inspired by The Tibetan Book of the Dead and the last scene was tossing around more religious symbolism at us than a tornado in Israel. Check it out below

Lindelof is saying here he belives that when we die we head to purgatory, but not a time to get judged purgatory, but rather a place to be with friends until you're ready to cross over. It's a nice idea and a great coda to an excellent series, but it doesn't answer the question; What are you crossing over to? Ahh, of course, the real question that all philosophers have to tackle - Is there a God? Lindelof tackled this theory in this summer's "Prometheus"  a film that like "Lost" inspired waves of theories about what it all means.

With "Prometheus" Lindelof like "Lost" was earnestly tackling some big ideas that like all philosophers, he doesn't understand because he simply can't (no mortals can brah). Yet still his basic vision that our creators were bald super jacked alien engineers who lost faith in us and now want to kill us paints a pretty grim picture, don't you think? Rather, I think with "Prometheus" has taken his philosophy game one step further by both those tackling larger issues but also injecting modern Ancient Alien conspiracy mysticism into the discussion. Yet still, the crux of both of these stories come down to the individual, and how they process powers greater than themselves. Noomi Rapace's character in "Prometheus" and Jack in "Lost" both see their convictions tested. Do they turn to science or to faith?

This concept of science/practicality vs faith is everywhere in his work. Ultimately so far, we've seen his character's trust in faith not science/ logic. This is even true in his "Star Trek" reboot. In that film we see a central character born in a baptism of fire and then assume the mantle of leader not because of his science skills like his rival Spock, but because of his emotional beliefs. It may not be as clear as the symbolism of "Lost" and "Prometheus" but it's still the same.

I don't know any other screenwriters or entertainers that are exploring themes through hyper entertaining mass media and that makes Lindelof unique. He's got the gift of making us talk about our "theories" about his stories, and many of us (myself included) probably don't realize that what we're really talking about are the questions that have vexed us humans for generations. With "The Leftovers" he won't need  tropical polar bears, time travel, or alien body builders to make us talk about what it all means. This is a good thing, because it's about time he stopped messing around and embraced this whole 21st century philosopher thing.

10 Things About This Taken 2 Trailer

1. This shit looks awesome, had to get that out of the way, but seriously, yes, i'm there, opening night fo sho.
2. I'm just assuming here that since Taken came out four years ago in 2008, Liam Neeson's particular set of skills has been augmented by his experience with the following: fighting wolves, fighting gods, loving when plans come together, forgetting his memory and getting it back, helping Russell Crowe break people out of prison, fighting aliens at sea, and scaring the shit out of Ricky Gervais.
3. Good to see Rade Serbedzija, aka Dmitri Gredenko, aka the one armed bandit, still burning it up on the screen.
4. Love the highlight reel from "Taken" that opens it, as if we needed reminding how awesome the first one was.
5. I'm putting the body count for this movie at a paltry 42.
6. Oliver Megaton is directing this time, taking over for Luc Besson, who still is on board producing and writing the screenplay. Besides having a ridiculous last name, Megaton directed last years "Colombiana."
7. I wonder if Liam's family is so calm with him on family vacations cause they know he is a straight regulator, sixteen in the clip, one in the hole style, or if they're just terrified to be around him.
8. Istanbul is a great setting for this flick. The last movie with some solid Istanbul action was "The International," which wasn't that good, but has an incredible shootout at the Guggenheim museum in new york. Watch that scene here, easily on the best shootouts of the last ten years.
9. No word if Jean Grey uses her powers in this film.
10. The whole thing is just a prequel to Lost.

The Mind Melts You Should Be Asking About Prometheus

SPOILERS


Lotta people are asking me about my "Prometheus" review and saying they're surprised that I was disappointed cause they consider me someone who likes heady space alien awesome shit. Well folks, I'm still disappointed, but a recent online discussion has allowed me to gain a much larger appreciation of the film. In particular one live journal post from a fan in London really the blew the lid of the heady ruminating on the film. Slash film got into it as well. The whole thing seems very engineered to be exactly like the crazy theorizing that surrounded Lost season 4/5. Not a coincidence, since Damon Lindelof wrote both. So in the spirit of "Lost" theorizing, let me drop some old school 2009 ish "heyyy brotha Daniel Faraday" mind bones on you about the film.


SPOILERS
SPOILERS




1. What did David say to the Engineer after waking him up?
Lindelof has said it was originally subtitled and we'll learn what he said on the dvd, but until that drops we're left to speculate. Over the course of the film, David learns more and more about humanity. He learns about faith and toughness of Shaw, the corruptibility of Holloway, and the lust for power that Vickers has. I was struck by the scene of him washing geezer Guy Pierce because it seemed like he knew that this was going to be it for the old man. I think what he said to the engineer was like "this old man doesn't deserve your awesome power, kill this sucka right here."

Of course that raises the question if David knew he was about to get his head ripped off. Of course he did.  He knew that like the other famous feet washers in history (aka Jesus), he would ultimately be resurrected and ascend to heaven. In the end, where's David going...blasting off through the heavens to meet his a higher power.

2. Where did "The Alien" Really Come From?

When they first go into the the chamber with the jars of black ooze, there is clearly a xenomorph (that's the nerd name for the traditional alien) on the wall of the chamber. This means that Engineers know about them and the alien wasn't just the spawn of the gigantic vagina octupus thing at the end. Rather, they're the evil incarnate killing machine that lurks inside every engineer. I like they're like a a defensive mechanism, so when engineers are KILLED, their nasty little true self pops out. When the tentacle monster kills the engineer, a xenomorph...not THE xenomorph is a result.

3. How Big of A Reboot Is This For the Alien Franchise?

"Prometheus" co-writer Damon Lindelof is a world creator. He's responsible for the super deep mythology of "Lost" and the rich world of the new "Star Trek" movies. There is no way Fox and Ridley Scott hired him to touch up the script. No, they hired him to create a massive new sci-fi world for future films. This world includes the engineers, their creators, whatever creepy space creatures the engineers were making, the Weyland-Yutani company, and let's not forget the Predators. With The Avengers proving that audiences eat up crossover storytelling, there is no way Fox has not already blueprinted for the predators and more to fit into this mythology.

4. Why was The Engineers SpaceShip in The Opening Different Than Ones On The Planet?

No doubt the opening of the film was some super far out meaning of the universe Tree of Life shit. As for the ship featured in the opening, I think this was the first glimpse of the engineer's creators. This hints at the cyclical nature of life in the film. The engineer's creators made the engineers so they could seed life through sacrifice, the engineers created us in their image, we created robots in our image, their sacrifice being they have no souls. Now based of David's actions he has evolved beyond humans (he clearly sees us a less than him). What comes after David? Like "Prometheus" the film I don't have all the answers....but my head hurts.

TPG Ticket Check: Prometheus

Ticket Check - Where I examine previous hype train articles to see if the tickets that I purchased and primed you guys to purchase where worth the ride.

Prometheus is a well acted, gorgeously shot, tremendously exciting breath of science fiction movie-making that happens to not make any sense. I feel good that I hyped it up, because seeing bold movies like this with huge ideas and massive production design is a good way to show the decision makers that audiences want something besides "Battleship." Now I should say, I feel that many of you, like me, will see the film and be disappointed. As my buddy and frequent reader of Thislalife Dewbert pointed out about the movie - "It kind of sucks...but shit does get crazy."

My biggest beef with the film is the apparent lack of simple logic on behalf of almost all the characters in the film. Everyone seems to pretend like a movie character who serves a purpose instead of, you know a normal person. For example, at one point two characters are stranded in the alien crypt, rather than rest as close to safety as they can get, they chose to rest in a place that they actively know to be extremely dangerous. Why would you do this? Another part of the film finds a main character attacking crew members, but when the characters meet again, this is not discussed at all.  For a film so caught up on the big heady ideas it's very ironic it can't handle the small details that matter.

Ahhh, those big heady ideals. The film celebrates them even if it doesn't really know how to throw a party for them. We're constantly reminded about our quest to understand our maker and therefore ourselves. Every other topic in the film whether it's, religion, aging, artificial intelligence, evolution, and history comes from that DNA. Like a stoned philosophy under-grad the film is very good at presenting these questions in a stunning manner...but just awful at answering them. Don't get me wrong, I like when a film presents some thought provoking questions...but some of them need to be answered and the film doesn't do that.

Ultimately though "Prometheus" is a film that unintentionally or not is extremely challenging to understand. These may have been Sir Ridley's intentions; to make us think about something besides whether Tony Stark has enough weapons or if Bane will kill Batman. Already people are dropping "Lostian" theories* about the film and with it's impressive (and continuing) viral marketing and production design, I'm sure exactly what they wanted. I'm sure by the time 2014 rolls around and the first trailer for "Prometheus 2: Paradise" is getting released I'll hopping on the hype train once again.

SPOILERY MIND BONE BELOW

SPOILERY MIND BONE BELOW

SPOILERY MIND BONE BELOW

SPOILERY MIND BONE BELOW

Towards the end we learn that the "Engineers" were basically creating dangerous weapons of mass destruction, some of which they were unable to control. I'm calling it now, one of these evil weapon creatures that they created was the Predator species and no doubt the predators will be appearing soon in this new franchise.

TPG's Game Time - Episode 10 Valar Morghulis

Yeah that was pretty much all I've ever wanted in a Game of Thrones episode. Well, I could have gone for a direwolf kill, but sometimes the vault is empty, and the direwolves just end up brooding. Hodor? But seriously, just a badass episode full of epic action, romance, white walkers, dragons, tantalizing cliffhangers, and more. So let's get into it:.


Direwolf Badassery - .2 All were got some cool shots of Summer and Shaggydog walking around with Rickon and Bran. We didn't get to see Ghost or Grey Wind rip anyone to pieces!

Joffrey Swag - Love this guy. All season he's been so deliciously annoying/evil/hilarious. His speech to go with Lady Tyrell as his new bride/Queen over Sansa was dynamite.

1. Episode director Alan Taylor must have been a "Lost" fan because his episode opened focusing on the blinking eyeball made me think we were stranded on the island again. In reality, we merely were on the Island that Tyrion has found himself metaphorically on. Abandoned by his family, stripped of his title, and all he's got is his squire and his true love, oh yeah, he's got a badass new scar.

2. Speaking of True Love, this was by far the most romantic episode of the series. First we got the tender moment where Shae professed she really cared about Tyrion deeply and will stand by him. Then we got a quick lil "I don't wanna marry an ugly girl" wedding with Robb Stark and Talisa. If that wasn't enough we got see Khal Drogo say he'd kill and swear at Gods for his wife and child. We were introduced to a new blonde super couple of death in She Man and The Kingslayer. And finally Ygritte finally to see Jon Snow use his sword and got dayuuum she clearly was into it!

3. I loved the very direct metaphor of Tywin Lannister's horse shitting all over King's Landing, he clearly hates it there.

4. Ahhh, our first mystery, what the hell did my boy Stannis see in the fire? He goes from brooding about a lost battle, complaining he killed his brother, and choking out Melisandre to the making the best "O" face ever seen on the show when he gazes into those flames. Did he see:

• A potential alliance with Khalesi and her dragons? 
• A vision of himself with an army of Shadow Assasins? She did say the power was within him?
• Some crazy sex shit with him and Melisandre?
• A vision that made him realize he was actually a character in a book/TV show...wow...went a little off the rails there.

5. So Theon didn't get killed. Are you guys disappointed? After he went barreling down the evil path at the start of the season, he really started showing remorse, and I'm not surprised they're keeping him around. Whoever kills him is gonna be someone important, my vote is on Bran. Second Alfie Allen, the actor who plays him has done a tremendous job this season and I'm happy he's sticking around.

6. In the first episode of the series, we were promised Dragons and "Blue Eyed Demon" monsters. Tonight we got them both. Life is good.

7. After an entire season, we finally get to see Jon Snow fight and kill and you know be a regular one man virgin army wrecking crew. His fight with Qhorin Halfhand was short but awesome, complete with some nice trashtalk about mother's and bastards (pretty standard for Snow), but the kill, the huge Valerian steel through the chest was epic. And the icing on the cake? "We are the watchers on the wall," is Qhorin's final words, a true ranger to the end. Can't wait to have Jon undercover with the Wildlings, in particular Wildling King Mance Rayder, who is coming close to the coolest name on the show.

8. Loyal Thislalife reader Z wanted to know if I was more jazzed off of the Dragons roasting that bald warlock trickster or the Ice Man Cometh White Walker Dumbeldore---Z thanks for your support but I gotta go with the Iced Out Blue Eyed Demon!

9. One thing that I've really enjoyed this season is how magic is becoming a bigger part of the show. There was no better example of this than the reveal that Medieval Bodie aka Sir Jaqen was actually a "faceless man." Coolest shit ever! We know have shadow assassins, white walkers, faceless ninja long haired assassins, fire breathing dragons, warlocks, and who knows what else. 

10. Another season finale, another series where Khalesi salvages her entire season storyline with some wildly cool shit. Her journey through her future (burned out Iron Throne) and her past (her child and dead husband) and finally he fire baptism, imprisonment of Xaros, and promise of a ship was fresh. If only she would show my man Sir Jorah some love, dude can't hang in there forever!

11. Couple other stray throughts

• It was cool finally seeing spymaster Varys recruit a new spy into his legendary army.
• I guess Bran's vision of the direwolf by the pond foreshadowed the super depressing death of Maester Lwuin.
• Khal Drago's baby was fat as hell. Rhaegar gotta lay off the Lays.
• Where is Sir Davos?

So that's it for the season. Thrones will return sometime in the Spring of 2013 and while it seems like a long way off, we will have a new season of Breaking Bad and the return of my Chemistry Class recaps to hold us over. Thanks for reading, it's been real fun writing them for you guys.

High Class Trash - Is Game of Thrones Really As Good As We Think It Is?

"Game of Thrones" has it's finale this Sunday and I can't wait. If you've been following my recaps* over the course of the past two seasons, you've probably noticed I'm kind of a Thrones' junkie. I even snatched up the books so I can be more in the know. Yet as we approach the end of the season and the unbearably long wait until season 3 sometime in Spring 2013 (!!!) I find myself just wondering how "great" the show really is.

For me a "great" show needs to transcends the boundaries of the space it exists in. Yeah, I know that sounds incredibly TV watcher pretentious, but stick with me here folks. The great TV dramas including "Mad Men," "Breaking Bad," "The Wire," and are both gripping narratives and also statements about something**. "Mad Men" so far seems to be about the passage of time between generations, how history both personal and national shapes us, and how the media forms our sense of self. "Breaking Bad" is a study in self control, power, and the shifting nature of evil. "The Wire" is about all the little interconnected pieces in a city. If you encounter fans of any of these shows they'll be able to talk about what makes it good, but they'll also be able to talk about what it's "about" (it's about tha game, life, power yo!)

There is no doubt that "Thrones" kills it on almost every level. Incredible production design (and budget), great acting, interesting characters, loads of sex and violence, magic, dragons, teleporting cloning warlocks you get the idea, but I struggle to figure out the deeper meaning behind the whole thing, because so far I don't think there is one. This partially due to the immense cast of characters the show has. "Breaking Bad' and "Mad Men" both have super strong protagonists that cary thematic weight, and "Thrones," shit, I don't even know who the central protagonist is? Robb? Arya? Jon Snow?

It's also excessively pulpy and trashy. It revels in excessive violence, gratuitous nudity, and a fantastic genre. A show like "Breaking Bad" is violent as hell, but it doles it out in small doses and each kill has a weight. In "Thrones," just last week we got people chopped in half, chopped diagonally, leg chopped, head crushed, and eye arrowed. Let's not forget last seasons excessive horse killing. If that's not all pulpy I don't know what is.

This desire to satisfy the audiences need in place of story makes it weaker in more line with gore fests like "True Blood" and "The Walking Dead," which aren't "bad shows, they're just not on the same level as the great shows they're "second tier." Other shows in this group that I've put "Thrones in include "Sons of Anarchy," "Homeland***" and even though it pains me to say it "Spartacus." Tune in at the bottom for a TPG power rankings of my favorite shows on the air.

Maybe I should listen to David Simon and judge "Thrones" on it's weightier themes after it's aired in it's entirety. Perhaps then it will work better thematically.  If each season is based on book, maybe I should judge each season as one story, kind of like the "Harry Potter" films. But for now, I'm going off what I'm seeing, and what I'm seeing is an awesomely trashy fantasy pulp epic. I'm fine with it, but wish it was something more.

TPG POWER RANKINGS (On Air)

Tier One

1. Breaking Bad

2. Mad Men

Tier Two:

1. Game of Thrones

2. Spartacus

3. Homeland

4. Boardwalk Empire

4. True Blood

5. Walking Dead

*If you're looking for a recap for last week's episode "Blackwater" - here it is: people got chopped up.
** I still haven't seen "The Sopranos," yeah I know, I gotta get on it.
*** "Homeland" is just "24" in a different package.

Bourne Legacy Trailer

I gotta be honest, I'm a real sucka for people shooting down planes with sniper rifles (Shooter for life), improvised weapons (Sudden Death for life), and cool motorcycle chases (Torque...for life...just kidding), but seriously, this looks pretty fresh.

TPG's Game Time: Episode 8 - "The Prince of Winterfell

All across the land last night as the credits rolled on another great "Game of Thrones" episode, everyone wondered one thing---when the hell is Theon Greyjoy going to get his? But moving beyond fake Iron Man Theon, I found last night's episode to be one of my favorite of the season. Yeah yeah, I know it felt like a set-up episode for next week's much hyped "Blackwater" battle, but still there was a lot to like here.

Direwolf Badassery: .01? I'm pretty sure the direwolves were hanging out with Bran and Rickon Stark in the basement of Winterfell, and while I prefer my direwolves to be killing and maiming, the dude who likes dogs in me understands sometimes you just gotta snuggle up.

Joffrey Swag: 5 Points. With imminent invasion, his city of the brink of civil war, and no combat experience he's roaming the walls talking about going on the offensive. Not to mention his line about giving his enemies a "red smile" with he was flashing a demonic Lannister rojo smile of his own.

1. It's looking more and more likely that Theon is going to bite the bust soon. But I think it's more than likely he'll get a death trying to help the Starks after a change of conscience. First you had his sister soften up with her story about Baby Theon (no word if he was womanizing as a baby), then Dagmer scoffs at his nice notion to send gold to the farmer, and finally he looks up at the charred corpses, wants to take them down, and can practically see "WTF" coming out his mouth. He's done...but he may have some good left in him.

2. I'm just going to come out and say it, Jon Snow, the blue eyed demon killing badass is not doing it for me this season. He simply hasn't fought enough wildlings and has spent the bulk of the season moping around. I don't care if you and Ygritte got something going on, leave the romance to Robb Stark, you Jon Snow, you go back to slicing and dicing bad guys with that valerian steel!

3. Lady Stark says Jaime Lannister escaped, but that's a half truth! He's stuck on a romantic canoe trip with She-Man and I wonder if there is a play here beyond a simple prisoner exchange. Also...canoeing is legit.

4. Siq Jaqen H'ghar is the medieval version of Bodhi from "Point Break" (Which is the shit.) He worships some heady "Red God," has long blond hair, is dangerous, and extremely enigmatic. 

5. MIND BONE WITH AGED CHEDDAR -Ned Stark may be buried, but he was all over this episode. First we had his name get mentioned with Jon Snow up in the north as something with value, then we had Robb reflect on what a great man while on his stroll, and finally he was brought up in King's Landing about someone who didn't know the game. It's clear that Ned's values of mercy, family, and liberty (shared by Talisa btw) still ring true for the "good" characters on the show. And I loved how the episode closed out this message with wonderful shot that showed that the values of the Starks live on because  because there are Starks in Winterfell.

6. Holy shit was it good to have Stannis back. I've really latched onto him as a character because he's so driven. That story he told about holding the city was crazy and a reminder just how intense he is.

7. I don't consider myself a fashion aware dude, I'm not up on Pineterest, but I gotta call it when I see it: Khalesi is wearing some really funky outfits in Qarth. Not sure where her wardrobe is coming from if she has no money, no dragons, and no allies except Sir Jorah.

8. With all this business with Tyrion's favorite whore and Cersei threatening her, please forgive me here folks, but is this a "Game of Thrones" or a "Game of Hos?" Zing!!!

9. Last week we got to see a sympathetic part of Cersei as she lamented why Joffrey was so evil and what her life had become....well good to see that was just a phase cause this week we got her threatening people (see above if you missed my genius joke), insult her brother's manhood, and just being a ice cold beyaaatch.

10. Next week is the big ass battle episode. Titled "Blackwater" here are some things to get you pumped up for it (besides the picture on the right)

• The episode is written by George R.R. Martin, who's the writer of the books and last year's head chopping episode "The Pointy End."
• It's directed by Neil Marshall, who specializes in well directed hyper gory awesome action movies. See the genre pic Centurion for reference.
• The season 2 budget for the show was raised specifically for this episode.
• Apparently it's not as epic as people want it to be (maybe I should read the books?)

TPG's Game Time Episode 7 - A Man Without Honor

Man, I gotta wash my hands, because that was just a dirty vile hour of television. From the bizarre horror movie music at the end, to uh, the last image of the charred corpses of children the whole thing was just super grim. That being said, I'm sure there is a light at the end of the tunnel, it's not like this show is all dark themes of incest, death, treason, and family members killing each other...wait...whattt? Let's get into it.


Direwolf Badassery: 0 (I really thought I was going to see them step it up)

Joffrey Swag - .2 (Even when he's not around they're speaking his name)


1. Jaime Lannister! It's been too long since he appeared in an episode and simply put this dude is an absolute beast. There are a multitude of reasons why he simply dominated this episode, so let's start with the first. His speech to his second cousin/nephew/fat person related family mate Alton was a metaphor for how people age in this harsh world of the show. The story about how his time as a squire, his first kill, and how they fear him now, was fitting because it shows how fast people age on the show. Just last season Robb Stark was just a teenager, Jon Snow was in training, and Ned Stark was alive. If you need more evidence that this episode was about how people change, look no further than the only real youth not on the battlefield on the show...Sansa Stark and as we saw...she's turning into an adult. That's a scary thing because if you're not prepared for the real world of adulthood, you're probably going to get burned by...or in this case...beaten to death by your idol. Rough brah.

2. In the grand world of "Titanic: You Both Can Fit on That Board" logic, why doesn't Bran and Rickon just hop on the Direwolfs and Osha hop on Hodor? Would conserve food and energy.

3. Seeing Theon wake up, briefly look around for Osha, realize he was in deep shit, made my wonder what a medieval version of "The Hangover" would look like. Jamie would be the ringleader, Jon Snow the 25 year old hyper religious virgin, Theon the tool that everyone hates, and Hodor would be just be Hodor.

4. Couple words about Theon. The look on his face when those child charred corpses appeared seemed to indicate he was disgusted with himself and shocked how far he game. Right now I'm 95% hoping for a brutal awful death and 5% hoping for Boromir situation where he redeems himself but still dies.

5. Jaime is such a great character cause he's a deconstruction of the classic Prince Charming archetype in fantasy. He looks like Prince Charming (see left), he "saved" the Kingdom, he's name is revered across the land, he's an expert fighter, and he's royalty. Yet...as we see, he bangs his sister, kills innocent people, and has been captured. There is no "Prince Charming" and if there was, he'd probably be up to something awful...just like ol' kingslayer.

6. Funny seeing Tywin get all deep looking out over the hanging corpses and ruins of Harrenhal. Also...Tywin def knows that Arya is a Stark...he's just keeping her close.

7. Jon Snow is a man that's never belonged. He wasn't a Stark...so they sent him to the wall...he tried to flee the wall to be with his family...they made him a Steward...he wanted to become a ranger...he's falling for Ygritte the wildling...now maybe he'll become one.

8. Damn those Warlocks really broke up The New Day Co-Op / Council of Nine real fast huh. Wait...is there only one Warlock...and his name is Pyat Pree. Shit is confusing but totally awesome. Cannot wait to see what is going on at The House of The Undying. I hope whatever is in there is something Khalesi can handle emotionally because she's more emo than Sawlly Draper these days.

9. "The more people you love...the weaker you are," says Cersei on Mother's Day. Dayuuumm. Is she the most ice cold character on the show? Also...where the hell is Stannis?  Double also... are Hodor and Sam related

10. I don't think that is Rickon and Bran hanging at the end. It's the kid's from the farm. Notice that Bran said they would be tortured if they went there. Bran can see the future. Hopefully this means he'll turn into a wolf.

TPG's Game Time: Episode 6 "The Old God's & The New"

I can feel the set-up. It's becoming almost standard practice with these epic cable series that they start a little slow, begin to ramp up, and then around episode 7 they just become a mad blitz of violence and awesome power until the end. This week's episode title "The Old Gods and The New" felt like the last episode before shit really begins to pop off, and I enjoyed it greatly. That being said, I cannot wait for what is coming. I feel like there is some next level Thrones shit on the horizon and I'm ready for it.

Joffrey Swag - 1 Seeing him pouting like a boss while his sister was shipped away in tears was hilarious and awesome. Also a return of the Joffrey being so spectacular he can't even respond to getting slapped earns him points as well.

Direwolf Badassery - .1 Can these beasts please kill again. All we got was Ghost plotting around behind Jon Snow, getting called a "pet" and Shaggydog and Summer rolling out of the castle with Bran & Rickon stark.

1. Ahh, Theon Greyjoy, you little shit, I cannot wait for you to beg and plead for mercy while Robb Stark feeds you to Grey Wind for lunch. However, on a observational direwolf note, you ever notice that while Theon was boys with the Starks for so long, he never got a direwolf. Jon Snow got one and in case you didn't know...he was a bastard. As for Greyjoy, dude is so weak sauce now he can't even take Sir Rodrick's head off with one strike...that is definitely a metaphor. Where Robb seemed to transition very well from being a son to being a leader, Theon is obviously struggling.

2. Ygritte is the name of the wilding babe that Jon Snow is spooning with. I gotta say, I had no idea that wildings could be so hot, I thought they were all grimy witch people like Osha (more on her later), but I wasn't ready for her snow bunny ginger powers, and from the looks of it, I don't think Jon Snow is either. I wonder if she's going to teach him more about the White Walkers, wildlings, and you know other things that he's not as versed in.

3. MIND MELT WITH ICED BLUE CHEDDAR - I loved the speech that resident ranger badass Qhorin Halfhand gave to Jon Snow about the purpose of the wall, not just because it was a well written speech, but because it seemed to be timeless commentary about the current state of war in the world. The wall is a metaphor for Iraq/Afghanistan, the Night's watch are all the armed forces members who exist but the common man doesn't know or care about, the Wildings are insurgents, they may or may not be tied in with the massive global evil that we know nothing about, aka the White Walkers. The whole thing just fits so well and was a nice change of pace from the usual power play lingo of the show.

4. More than any other character Daenerys has had the least to do this season. So I suggest she take some acting lessons from Megan on Mad Men to further bring the thunder with her threats and promises of her pending kingdom taker over. She also should meet up with Stringer Bell from The Wire to learn about business, as that whole I will pay you back three times seems like a real bad deal.

5. However that being said, I don't know who massacred her men and took her dragons, but I'm going to guess it was those zany old warlocks, always up to no good, those Warlocks. Here's hoping my man Sir Jorah gets to regulate a little bit trying to get them back.

6. This week on "Game of Thrones" gratuitous sex was replaced with gratuitous guts getting ripped out part 1. First we had Dogg rescuing Sansa, something which was satisfying because it has been foreshadowed ever since Ol' Little Finger told her the story of Dogg's dicey relationship with her brother. We also had him offering kind words to Sansa last season after her father's death. Still ol medieval Two Face's quick destruction of Sansa's rapists was very satisfying and I wonder if he really getting tired of Joffrey's tricks.

7. This week on "Game of Thrones" gratuitous sex was replaced with gratuitous guts getting ripped out part 2. Osha! I wondered what her play was during the course of the episode, but seeing her sacrifice her body to rescue Bran was very satisfying. Also was her ninja throat rip on that guard! I wonder why she's doing it. Is out of loyalty to the Starks or because she knows Bran is seriously important for his potent dreams?

8. With the Stark boys bailing on the Winterfell, my girlfriend and I both wonder...what happens when a Stark isn't in Winterfell? Do all the ravens grow an extra eyeball?

9. I loved seeing Robb Stark just walking through his troop camp just giving out high fives and fist pumps. "Ahh, whatup Sir Freddy Blacksmith Mayne...nice battle, sup Ace McCloud...what's up super hot nurse babe...what's up Mom..whaa?" Also how the hell he noticed his mother but not She-Man is beyond me.

10. For all you Joffrey Haters out there...aka the world, here's a picture of him with shit on his face.

The Avengers Is Simply The Best

Oh.My.God. "The Avengers" is so gottt dayuuuummmmm awesome I can barely contain myself. Longtime readers will know that your boy TPG lives and dies by OSMs aka "Oh Shit Moments," so it brings me great satisfaction and joy to proclaim that the movie has more OSMs than every previous super hero every made combined. For those of you who are super hero movie literate it's basically like someone took the combined power of the below sequences, shot them full of gamma rays, and made a movie out of it:

Wolverine Defends The Mansion in X2
Train Battle in Spiderman 2
Iron Man 1 Afghanistan Scene
Iron Man 2 Suitcase Suit Brawl
Thor Mjonir Fight Scene
Captain America Grenade Scene

You'll notice that last scene I included wasn't an action scene. "The Avengers" has plenty of action, shit, I mean that last act where they fight monsters in New York is easily one of the BEST action sequences of ALL TIME. Yes, I'm not exaggerating, it really is that fresh. But, the movie wouldn't be incredible if it was just all action all the time, the fact of the matter is the movie is hilarious. Screenwriter Joss Whedon knows how to structure his jokes into the narrative and they almost always work. In addition he gives each character great material that fits their personas. Captain America is noble and true, Tony Stark is jackass, Thor has humbled swagger, etc. Simply put it just all works.

So with action off the chain, hilarious dialogue, great characters, and more oh shit moments that you can possibly imagine, does anything in the movie not click 100%? Sure, there is some moderate pacing issues and some of the more minute details of the plot are a little confusing, but those are small things, this is entertainment of the highest order. Yesterday I put the Avengers on the bottom of my summer movie anticipation rankings, but now after seeing it ( I will def be seeing it again in theaters) I feel really embarrassed that I put it there.

"Avengers" is easily the best super-hero movie ever made. Yeah, I know all you Nolanites will lose your shit and say "The Dark Knight" is, but beyond that movie and it's coming sequel's brooding intensity, it's still a super-hero movie with guys in costumes, evil villains and their henchmen, and lots of larger than life technology. Where Nolan's "Batman" hides it's super hero roots around gritty "realism" and dark themes, "Avengers" wears it's comic book heritage on it's sleeve like  S.H.I.E.L.D logo. It's refreshing and incredible.

After four years of anticipation and hype, I never thought "Avengers" movie could be this awesome. I know I hype up a lot of shit on this site folks, but seriously, this one, damn, this one is 100% legit.

Summer Movie Threesome: Who's On Top?

There are many movies coming out in the summer of 2012, but you wouldn't know it. Three movies are dominating every conversation I've had with movie geeks, standard bros, and everyday film goers: "Avengers", "The Dark Knight Rises", and "Prometheus." I mean that's all there really is right? Sure there is the "Spiderman" reboot which feels totally unnecessary, a new "Men In Black" (devoid of a new Will Smith theme song...which is bullshit), a new "Expendables," a slightly better looking "G.I. Joe," but seriously at the end of the day it all comes down to the trio...the trinity.

So in the words of the almighty Highlander (movie is nuts by the way) "there can only be one," so lets breakdown each of three cinematic titans to see which one is the most anticipated.

Prometheus: Aliens in space kill people! This movie which has run a perfect marketing campaign seems to be at the top of the pack right now. Director Ridley Scott described the movie as "2001 on Steroids" and if there is one thing that male movie-goers like, it's trippy far out mega space shit. The trailers released feature space ships, foreign landscapes, androids, alien creatures, machine guns, flamethrowers, ATVs, mysterious civilizations, and of course Idris Elba aka Stringer Bell. So...pretty much everything that dudes like when they were little is now updated to everything dudes like talking about when they are blazed. Coming at us in IMAX 3D, this looks like the harsh gritty terrifying version of Avatar, and Avatar is the business. 

Avengers: You're boy TPG has been hyping this one for years and with stellar reviews and relentless marketing, the film is everywhere and people are talking about it. But for some reason it's the last ranked on the anticipation scale. I think it's because everyone knows what they're gonna get. Cool superhero action with lots of Oh Shit Moments, easter eggs to other marvel characters, and some tantalizing tease after the credits. It's the movie equivalent of eating really good pizza. You know pizza, you love pizza, you know there is some pizza that is better than other za', and you're pumped up for this legendary pizza, but ultimately you're still scarfing down the same shit you've been eating since you were a kid. It's gonna be delicious but it also won't be entirely new. (Note, don't read that paragraph as me not being pumped for the flick...as I'm straight dying of anticipation here).

The Dark Knight Rises - Is is possible that the most hyped movie in the history of this website will fail to deliver on it's massive promise created by the end of "The Dark Knight?" Probably not, the Nolan worshipping disciples will remind you that not only was "The Dark Knight" the best super hero movie ever made (I'll give you that nerds) but that "Inception," also blew your mind so any seeds of doubt should be crushed by the power of Nolan. Yet in the scope of "Prometheus" and "Avengers" this trailer needed to be an A+ to get me amped and it comes in at a solid A-. However, once I start thinking about seeing Batman on screen kicking ass, all the conspiracy theories on the film, there is no way I'm not amped as hell for this. I feel once I see "Avengers" on Friday and Prometheus on June 8th, my anticipation for this will be rising.

TPG Hype Meter:

1. Prometheus

2. The Dark Knight Rises

3. Avengers

The Dark Knight Rises Trailer Hits

Maybe it's the insane buzz for "The Avengers" or insanely good trailers for "Prometheus" but this trailer leaves me a little underwhelmed. The new audio mix is terrible btw. What the hell is that seriously.

TPG's Game Time: Episode 5 - The Ghost of Harrenhal

It's official, "Game of Thrones" is approaching "Lost" like levels of unbearable anticipation for each episode. Show is so money and it knows yet. Each week it's delivering the goods, but, now...just hold a second. Perhaps it's cause I turned 26 last week, but as my fandom increases so do my standards, so this will be my first recap with a side of criticism. Show is still fire...but I gotta point it out when I see it. So let's gaze into the warlock stone and get into it.


1. I'll just come out with the criticism. Tywin Lannister is portrayed as the most smart, cunning, and dangerous person on the show...yet how the hell has he not connected the dots about Arya. Either he has and he's just keeping her close or he's just be neglecting his R-Mail (that would be raven mail for you non-throne junkies). I'm inclined to believe it's the latter because no-one has picked up Gendry...a dude the Lannisters went on a baby killing spree for and is now just straight chilling making weapons. Yeah yeah yeah, I know they found the bull helmet and think they killed him, but connect the dots here people!

2. So we got a pretty major character death with Renly. How do people feel about it? I always thought Renly was soft as hell compared to his brothers and I won't miss him that much because he seemed to spend the bulk of his time talking with his lover or sitting on chairs. Allllright....I'll be real with you...I knew this death was coming cause I stumbled upon reading about that shadow assassin thing. Kind of depressing that it wasn't as shocking, but that kill was pretty stellar, especially how the blade dissolved.

3. BREAK FOR ACTION MOVIES - Let's go ahead and make some connections with "Game of Thrones" and some classic action flicks:

• Last Action Hero - Tywin Lannister himself (actor Charles Dance) pops up in this Arnold Opus.
• The Rock - Tyrion Lannister takes in a host of chemical weapons and decides that they don't belong to the government, they belong to him...how very General Hummel of him.
• Leon/The Professional - A young girl, who witnessed the death of her father is mentored by a mysterious killer. Hello Arya Stark!

4. We are five episodes in and the coolest thing the mighty dragons have done is cook a piece of steak. Are you kidding me HBO? Could you at least throw some nudity into these dragon scenes to make them more interesting? After seeing them get birthed last season, I was expecting some Dragon Wars (real movie) shit to be going down by now.

5. Theon Greenjoy gets dirtier and dirtier every episode. By the time the season ends I expect him to fully covered in grime (literally and metaphorically.)

6. From this episode on I will now be calling "Brienne the Beauty," you know the badass female knight that was down with Renly and is now down with Lady Stark by name of SHE MAN. Not because she's a gigantic tall female warrior...but because she looks like He-Man.

7. Let's talk about Qarth...can we talk about Qarth. My girlfriend pointed out that it looks like something out of "Midsummer's Night Dream," and while she's right, it's clear that there is some crazy shit going on in the desert. The Warlocks who are addicted to "shade of the evening" are clearly competing with the King's Landing "Alchemist Guild" for most stonerific characters on the show. The woman with face mask is extremely intriguing. And finally Xaro Xhoan Daxos is proving very J.J. Abrams like with his secret hatch/vault full of promises. No word if Desmond is inside..brotha.

8. SLIGHT MIND MELT: Good to see Bran stepping up in Winterfell. The juxtaposition of his little brother playing with rocks while he assumed the leadership position was satisfying. Notice how Maester Luwin didn't say much, where in the past he did the bulk of the talking. This scene was crucial because we know that Theon is coming through.

9. Jaqen H'Ghar was the 80's hair band rocker mysterious knight dude that promised Arya three deaths last night. Who this dude is and what instrument does he play in the 80's Throne Hair Band (is Jamie Lannister in it too) is beyond me, but he certainly is interesting. The whole business about owing Three Deaths to the Red God was super cool, but I don't think he can be trusted.

10. Finally...let's give it up for Sam...aka the clutchest friend on TV right now. He eagerly volunteered to be steward just so Snow can go regulate...something that the Bastad and us should be thankful for.

TPG's Game Time: Episode 4 Garden of Bones

Whoah, Game of Thrones just isn't holding back anymore huh? Not like it every really did, but damn with an episode titled "Garden of Bones" you knew things we weren't going to be getting bright and cheery. There was a lot to talk about here, so let's load up our crossbows and get into it.


Direwolf Badassery: 1.1 point for yet another kill for Rob Stark's direwolf Grey Wind. We didn't see it eat that guy's guts, but we saw the ferocious furry pounce and then we cut to the aftermath. .1 bonus points for the kill having a stealth element, nice!

Joffrey Swag: .1 points. Man, this was the episode where he crossed the line. That whole stunt with Sansa and the crossbow was acceptable cause it wasn't anything new, weapons, bossing people around, threats, you know would usually would give him a whole point. But turning a potential epic threesome into a ultra-dark S & M display....total loss of points. See #1

1. Is Joffrey the most hated character in all media now. I don't think there is a single person on any screen, TV Screen, Movie Screen, Silk Screen, Smoke Screen that audiences want to see die a horrible horrible death than this little shit. Crazy to think he was once the angelic kid scared of a street thug in Batman Begins! Jack Gleeson, the actor who plays Joffrey is doing an incredible job, but I really want to see that smoke demon baby thing rip him to pieces.

2. What's that, you thought post number one was going to be about the aforementioned "smoke demon baby monster jesus what the hell is that shit" thing that popped out of Melisandre at the end? Sorry, it gets post #2 cause I have no idea what to make of it besides the fact that it was a radical step into crazy magic for the show, and one that I'm totally behind. Cannot wait to see what that thing can do.

3. Speaking of Magic, have you noticed that the show loves to focus on people just not knowing how real it's all getting out there. Throughout season and two, people are doubting that dragons exist...but we the audience, know that they do. People scoff at the concept of White Walkers...but Jon Snow will be killing dem bitches in no time...trust. And now in this episode, Maester Luwin says that magic doesn't exist and that he's learned enough to know these things...but once again we know what's really going on.

4.  The Spice King of Qarth (which popped up in the opening credits) looks exactly like Kyle Gass of Tenacious D.

5.  Game of Thrones is approaching "Wire" levels of mind blowing quotes about the quest for power. You know stuff "They say hard places breed hard men and hard men rule the world" and simple gems like "Power is Power," so it was nice to hear Renly have such a nice quote as "A man without friends is a man without power." Damn Renly, a gay king, with a female bodyguard, and a really positive outlook on friendship! So progressive!

6. Nice to see Sir Gregor The Mountain turn up again, but they definitely recast him. This could be related to the fact the actor who played the original Mountain Conan Stevens appeared on Spartacus where he promptly got his face chopped off (extremely graphic link here).

7. The captured prisoners story interlude that Arya and Gendry have found themselves in is a classic situation that pops up in all great fantasy stories. It's all over the works of Tolkien and appears in Harry Potter as well. Can't wait to see what happens with Arya being Tywin Lannister's cup master.

8. The Hound seems to be getting more and more sympathetic to Sansa and her struggle. I wonder if he'll come around and see how evil his boss is.

9. Finally Game of Thrones is due for some truly crazy shit. We're four episodes in and while it's been great...I need to see where this extra budget has been spent. Until next week, I'll leave you with some of wild shit I want to see on the show

• Dragons actually fighting instead of perching up on Khalesi like baby iguanas
• Jon Snow fighting White Walkers, the real ones, not some possessed Wild Wings
• A real huge epic battle, not just the preparation for it
• Theon Greyjoy in a big pirate battle on the high seas.

TPG's Game Time: Episode 2 - The Night Lands

Man am I happy that this show is back. And considering that there wasn't a single epic battle this episode, I still enjoyed every second of it. So without further adieu, let's just get right into it.


Direwolf Badassery: .25 for that shot of Ghost just looking boss, but where was he when Jon Snow got attacked

Joffrey Swag - .5 points, he didn't even appear and he scores points because we learned it was him not his mom who ordered all the bastards to be executed! Ice cold!

1. Blue Eyes! White Walkers! Oh shit! As Game Time readers know, I'm all about the blue eyed demons, so seeing just the tiniest glimpse of them at the end of the episode transformed an excellent dialogue heavy episode to one which holds promises of more wild magic to come. Also, Jon Snow, how you going to get snuck up on like that. You hear how loud the snow was underneath those boots? C'mon son.

2. Let's talk about Game of Throne's resident womanizer Theon Greyjoy for a moment. This dude, who I thought was a Stark for almost the entire first season is always messin' around with the ladies (including his own sister accidentally...wtf HBO...more on that later), but also have gigantic Octopus on their mantle, which is just insanely cool. It will be interesting to see how Theon's family problems with his father Balon impact Robb Stark's world problems.

3. Let's talk about the Lannisters for a second. They are clearly the villains on this show. Well everyone except Tyrion who's just showing us why he got that Emmy. The scene where he had the corrupt city watch guard hauled off was fantastic, if only because it seemed like delayed justice for Ned Stark. One of the great things about seeing Tyrion as the King's Hand is noticing the moves he makes compared to the currently cranium deprived playmate defender Ned Stark.

4. Speaking of Ned Stark, how about his daughter: little Arya. If Jon Snow and Fat Sam weren't best buddies, I would say that Arya and Gendry are the resident best friends on the show. I love how Arya still isn't afraid to lay down the law on anybody including little boys and locked up criminals, but I fear that the show will make it so Gendry is her protector and not her partner in crime. I guess time will tell.

5. Another episode, another awesome scene with the smuggler pirate knight Davos Seaworth, this time he's making deals with Salladhor Saan, who appears to be the Kingsley Shacklebolt of the Game of Thrones world, aka the resident ultra cool super badass black dude.

6. Before all my bro'd out readers judge me (I'm talking about you Anthony), let me say that this episode had way too much nudity/sex in it. I love that I can see it on all premium cable but this episode seemed to go overboard for no real reason. The scene in the brothel, featuring some cleanup at the hands of Littlefinger just seemed totally unnecessary. Theon doing the business with his sister...really?This was the first episode that made wonder if HBO is just showing all this because they can and not because it's in service to the story. Why can't we go back to the good ol days of horses getting chopped in half?

7. MILD MIND BONE (Iced version) - Are the White Walkers eating babies or converting them? Smart money is on converting them into blue-eyed demon snow zombies because they gotta be raising the army from somewhere right? Winter is coming!

8. Cannot wait for next week.

TPG's Game Time: Episode 1 - The North Remembers

See that red comet in the sky? That means that my recaps of "Game of Thrones" have returned. With "Spartacus: Vengeance" ending this past weekend, "Game of Thrones" is back to give me my dose of crazy intricate family politics, epic violence, gratuitous nudity, dragons, spoiled little brat kids, and of course dragons (did I already say that). So what do you say we grab out bull helmets and dive into the episode.


Direwolf Badassery - 1.5 points. We got to see Robb Stark's direwolf Grey Wind get super intense entrance and menacing growl. I also gave half points from Bram seeing the inner direwolf in his trippy dream.

Joffrey Swag - 2 Points. For those of you who don't know this is when the most hated character on TV does something so evil it can only be considered cool, on a extremely" ironic meta Tony Montana why do we like bad things" way. So I give him points for the wine pour of almost death and talking shit to his mother, and yes this is hard to measure.


1. Did you notice the new opening credits? The budget for this sequence, which has been parodied on "The Simpsons" since season one ended, seems to have gone up substantially. There are new places (Dragonstone!) on the map and more details on the ones that we know (The Stark Tree blooming for example). I get a very Age of Empires 2 vibe from the whole thing, and I think that's a good thing.

2. MIND BONE APPETIZER - Red Comet, what's it all about folks? Besides the accurate assessment that the dragons are coming, Ned Stark is dead, and the Lannister's are sneaky bastards, what it really means is that everyone on this show sees their own destiny in front of them, waiting to be taken. It's yours for the taking and remember people you win or you die!

3. Speaking of dragons, after an entire season of waiting for them, it's a trip to see them actually on the show, even more of a trip to see them in a cage. Are we going to have to wait another season to see them in action?

4. So glad Game of Thrones picked up right where it left off..... killing horses. Last season had two dead horses, this season has already got one, anybody want to gamble on how many we'll see.

5. The first time we Stannis Baratheon is on a beach filled with fiery effigies, burning swords, and sizzling (not literally) witch priestess advisor Melisandre. Other shows take notice, that's how you introduce a new character. Stannis is a cold beast so far and the fact that his old advisor hates his resident soothsayer enough to try to poison her speaks to what influence she will have on the plot going forward.

6. My new favorite character this season is Sir Davos Seaworth. I'm a big fan of actor Liam Cunningham who plays him, but also there is no way that this dude is not going to be regulating on people this season.

7. Good to see that Littlefinger was up on the The Hunger Games way before anyone else at King's Landing. That Mockingbird pin was pretty damn close to the Mockingjay pin Katniss wears when she's in combat.

8. With Jon Snow not getting to do anything to but have deep thoughts about why this dude has so many daughters while on patrol with the nights-watch, Robb Stark was just dropping tough guy talk everywhere. Three victories are better than three defeats, you're going to be killed by a boy, calls him out on banging his sister, etc! Robb Stark is the show's resident badass, at least until Sir Davos or Jon Snow start slicing people up again.

9. Just when you think the show has grown up, we get a brief scene of some woman at brothel teaching  a whore how to bang. WTF HBO, is this really necessary (I'm cool with it though).

10. What a final scene. All the bastards in King's Landing getting killed including babies! That was super intense, but finally we see the ultimate bastard Gendry Baratheon, and he's rolling with Arya Stark! Such an amazing final scene and killer opening episode.