New Trailer For Expendables WITH ARNOLD AND BRUCE!

ARNOLD! BRUCE! SLY! WHOAHHHHHHHHH

TPG's LOST Compass: The Package

Last night's episode entitled "The Package" was full of tantalizing hints of where the show is headed, welcome answers about the past, and another wonderful flash sideways story. So let's get going, and hopefully not run into a tree, because I don't think you all want me to start speaking Korean.


1. More than any other castaway, Jin really has a knack being a prisoner. First off, you could say he was a prisoner to Sun's father, aka he was forced to do his bidding. Then he crashes on the Island, where he is not rescued. But being stuck on a Island wasn't enough, he then got captured by the Others where he had to live in a pit for a little bit. After that he rejoins up with his homies, only to be left behind, get blown off the Kahana, only to fall in with Rousseau and her pals. Things are pretty groovy when he's with Dharma but once that bomb goes off, he gets captured by crazy Claire, and then if that aint enough, he's captured by Widmore. Damn Jin, what a rough ride.

2. The Smoked Out Locke mentioned that all the candidates have to leave the Island together. This is very similar to the season 5 theme that all of the Oceanic 6 must return to the Island together. Is it possible that the serendipitous connections of our castaways have a deeper meaning than pure coincidence. Perhaps them being together is some type of Captain Planet combined force that can save/destroy the Island.

3.  When Smoky Locke asked Widmore if he knew who he was, Widmore responded with "Only what I know about from myths, ghosts, and noises in the night!" Man, I may be too deep in this LOST game but what a loaded response. Myths - this show is rooted in heavy Egyptian mythology, it was taught in the Other's schools. Ghost - ask Miles about it, they are everywhere. And noises in the night - that clearly is the whispers, one of my favorite Lost mysteries.

4.  In last week's Compass, I talked about how Desmond was going to return to the Island to regulate Warren G style, and BOOM, guess who's back! I didn't foresee him being "the package" and as DJ Steve pointed out in the post lost talk, him being Widmore's captive would indicate that Widmore knew Desmond's purpose for a long long time. Is this the reason he didn't want Desmond to be with his sweet sweet Penny?

5. MIND MELT: Why is Desmond so important? Because he was the only one prior to the bomb who could exist in both times. See the best LOST episode ever "The Constant" for further explanation. Now, because Jughead was detonated, all the castaways are stuck in some time of permanent existence in both times. They all will need a constant to survive. What could this constant be? Maybe the Island itself, whoa I just melted my own mind. Speaking of melts, I had the best grilled cheese ever last night. The secret ingredient? Red onions.

6. I have to agree with the podcasters when they label new character Zoe as the Island's own Tina Fey. But on a serious note, what is her character's significance, and why is she a geo-physicist? My guess is that her knowledge of electro-magnetic energy pockets is somehow connected to Faraday's research, which Widmore financed. Perhaps she is the one who will re-allign the Flash sideways and the Island timelines. Whoah, that was a mini mind melt.

7. And the march toward the end continues with another great episode. I particularly enjoyed seeing Keamy and Omar again. These two are quite a duo, in fact if the Sawyer and Miles cop show spinoff ever gets made, I want these two guys to be the head bad guys for the first season. Hey, they make good eggs.

Welcome Back To Earf: Will Smith to Star in Two Independence Day Sequels?

In the craziest rumor to hit in a while, IESB, is reporting that Will Smith is set to return in two back to back sequels to original Independence Day, which no doubt will definitely be in 3D.

IESB has received a tip that Will Smith is now locked for not only Independence Day 2, but also a third installment. The plan would be to shoot both films back-to-back. Whether the studio opts to go the Matrixroute and release the two films six months apart or do like the Pirates of the Caribbean sequels and split them by a year remains to be seen. According to our sources, if all goes according to plan, the sequel(s) could shoot as early as 2011.

As much I wanted to make a joke that the sequels will be called "Labor Day" and "Columbus Day," I won't do it, wait I think I just did.

Knight & Day Trailer

Reasons to See This Movie
1. Takes place in Boston, my hometown
2. Cars blowing up and flying around
3. Tom Cruise playing a smooth talking psycho who looks like a fun guy to kick it with. Keep in mind this is exactly what he is.
4. Car chases and bulls

24 Points About 24: 5:00AM- 6:00AM

Luckiest/Unluckiest Terrorist Ever (See Point #23)

1. Jack has grade three level bruising and they are offering him painkillers. This is a man who used be addicted to Smack, and I aint talking about cereal here folks. And besides Bauer doesn't need painkillers
2. The success of the drones at CTU are just like this season of 24: completely inconsistent.
3. I love how Dana Walsh has a completely different "mole" voice than her real voice. When she wants to be a mole she just speaks real low. Her normal voice is high. I wonder what voice FPJ knows intimately.
4. "I can no longer guarantee the safety of Manhattan," yes, let's just make that clear, that line was written for the "next week on 24" bit last week.
5. President Taylor has Jack on call as some type of private mercenary, remember he's not an government employee. I wonder what type of other tasks the President has Jack do. "Jack it's the President, I need you to get some momentum going on my policies." "Sure thing, Ma'am, I'll be right there with the constitution"
6. You know a place is terrorist hide out when people are welding 24 hours a day.
7. I'm still a little perplexed why Jack has a wired headset on his ear and talks on the phone with the other ear. If he was real hardcore he'd have a bluetooth in the right ear, wired headset in the left, and iphone in the left pocket, and DROID in the right

8. The evil terrorist bossman has a damn nice goatee, I don't think it's real, just making the call now before it gets complicated.
9. Facts on the ground! Facts on the ground! Looking like a damn fine show with the facts on the ground! Alright, that joke is old and dated, but the scene where the higher ups are discussing turning over Hassan is the best scene of the season. Great mini debate in that chamber.
10. Yeah President Taylor, that was one hell of speech! A fellow CTU agent points out that she is finally taking a stand on something.
11. Was there ever any doubt if some doubt that some Washington power player was going to scheme on President's Taylor plan. No good logical political plan ever goes into motion in the 24 government without some weasel scheming to ruin it.
12. CTU has such a giant staff, but it seems like only Chloe, Arlo, and Dana are doing actual work. I guess the rest of them are playing Farmland, posting on Lost forums, and looking at pictures of chicks in bikinis (check out this video, you'll get the joke)
13. "Jack Bauer is not someone to be taken lightly!" you got that right. In this day alone, has already been electrocuted, stabbed, shot, spoken in foreign languages, and forced to watch cartoons with a toddler.
14. Ethan has probably the most un-clutch heart attack in the history of political heart attacks.

15. Rob, aka the dude that looks like Scott Brown, was portrayed as cunning earlier in the season, nevertheless I'm not buying his complete turn around to team evil.
16. How convenient that the tunnel Jack has move down to safety has conveniently located cover points.
17. You can put this Rob character on the short list of people Jack Bauer is going to destroy on his path of vengeance. Also on that list is Dana Walsh, who I really hope Bauer and Chloe get to double torture.
18. "Good luck" says Jack to the female secret service agent. What he means to say is "you're screwed lady."
19. Man this shootout is vintage 24. Loving this, and he's using smoke grenades, nice equipment choice Jack! Why couldn't you be this ruthless last week?
20. "Mr. President, take care of your family" as he tosses Hassan a piece. Coolest line of the season! Air Force One style!
21.  Man! I really wanted Hassan to say something like "You chose answer D, for death."
22. "I don't take orders from anyone except the President of the United States!" That's right Jack! Of course it seems like you generally like to follow your own rules most of the time, but I will give you that!
23. Damn Tarin has a tough life, one minute he's banging the smoking hot daughter of the President at the Four Seasons in Manhattan and the next he's a suicide bomber blowing up the Four Seasons in Manhattan.
24. Wow! What a great episode! We had a great shootout with Bauer straight up doing work on bad guys*, some meaty season seven white house politics, and great plot developments. And now next week is a TWO HOUR week, first one since the opener!

*I mean they were just an American special forces team, not sure if they were 100% bad guys.

A Peek Into My Mind

Yeah this is pretty damn accurate. Just go through every post about Avatar or Lost I've ever done.

History Is Written By The Victors and Filmed By Steven Spielberg

Everything I know about World War II I learned from Steven Spielberg. This hard fact came to me last night when I was watching the new HBO mini-series "The Pacific" which was produced by Steven Spielberg. And while I can't say I can pick a better director to shape how we view history (Sorry Michael Bay, Pearl Harbor doesn't cut it), the fact that one person is shaping how we view such a huge part of history is a little unsettling.

One look at Spielberg's filmography reveals that he has had a hand in almost every great WWII film or mini-series. Here is the line up: 

Schindler's List (Director)

Saving Private Ryan (Director)

Band of Brothers (Producer)

Letters from Iwa Jima (Producer)

Flags of Our Fathers (Producer)

The Pacific (Producer)

That is one highly decorated list, encompassing over 10 Oscars,  Emmys, and Golden Globes combined. For someone like me who's first experience with WWII comes from stories from my grandfathers, the fact that the only "realistic" visual portrayals of WWII has come from one man is startling. When dealing with history it's crucial, at least for me, to learn all the sides of the story, something which is difficult to convey in a contained story, whether it's a film or a mini-series.

Considering that Steven Spielberg has only made democratic donations, it would be safe to assume that he is not completely neutral in the stories he tells, then again, no one is. Now, before all my readers think I've becoming Glen Beckinized, I'm just saying that the best history shows all perspectives. I realize that "Letters from Iwa Jima" focused on the Japanese, but that was only produced by him and it doesn't have the same visual and narrative style as "Brothers", "Pacific" or "Private Ryan."

As more WWII veterans pass on, our concepts of the war will now be defined by these films and mini-series. Kids these days are spending more time in front of screens and less time with books. As time goes on, these Spielberg stories will cease to be portrayal of the war, but rather THE portrayal of the war. As Churchill said "History is written by the victors," but in this day and age, all stories deserve to be told.

Now You Are Free Jack

Jack has been officially cancelled, now you are free.

Hot Tub Time Machine: The Back In Time Review

If I could go back in time the first thing I would re-write history so I could star in Die Hard, Commando, and Cobra. Then I would probably make some minor tweaks to ensure the future would be better than the past and then I hop back to the present and just live my life. Well, I was certainly living my life last night when I hit up the very crowded midnight showing of the enjoyable Hot Tub Time Machine.

By now you know the story is about four pals, or three pals and a kid who thanks to some magical whirlpool action get transported back to the best year in the history of years: 1986! And like all great time travel movies they have to get back the future and have some fun while trying to do it. In terms of time travel narratives, this is not PRIMER (by the way if you haven't seen that movie, please do), it's a dumb downed time travel story for the midnight crowd.

The film is funny enough that you can look past it's flaws and missed opportunities. The four leads Rob Corddry, John Cusack, Craig Robinson, and Clark Duke all score some solid laughs, but the bulk of the laughs come from Corddry and Robinson, who seem to be having the time of their lives in this movie. But seriously, how can you not be having a ball with a movie like this, I mean look at the title.

The film is not as enjoyable as "The Hangover" but it's pretty close. There are some missed opportunities and loose ends mainly, who the hell is Chevy Chase's character. The creators also missed a boatload of laughs by not having tons of John Cusack self-referential jokes, which is surprising because Cusack is a producer on the film. But generally, if I could go back in time, to um Thursday March 25th at 5:30 PM, I'd say to myself:

Yo, TPG, what's good, yeah go ahead, buy that ticket to Hot Tub Time Machine, you won't regret it, and while your at it, brace yourself for a crushing Syracuse loss, and take the right lane home from work.

Chances are you know if you're going to see it or not. The film is exactly what you think it is: a stupid, funny, gross out comedy, albeit, one with time travel and hot tubs.

Ghost Recon: Future Soldier Live Action Trailer Brings It

Seeing tanks get blown up by mini missles, aka like in Iron Man never gets old

Welcome To The Future: Insane Choir Video

Creator Scott Haines is slowly proving there is more to youtube than sneezing pandas

Scott Pilgrim Vs The World Trailer

I guess this looks pretty cool, but honestly it looks so damn crazy I don't really know what to make of it.

Are You Enlisted In Otto's Army?

I spent four magical years of my life at Syracuse University. Considering my grammar and sentence structure is similar to a 5th grader this may come as a surprise to some of you, but I assure you that I did attend and learn when I was there. Syracuse has many stellar things about it, including to but not limited to the following: tremendous education, cheap pizza, cheaper beer, surprisingly nice fall weather, and a plethora of interesting and intelligent people.

Some of these interesting intelligent people have created an awesome website for all the Cuse folks out there. It's call Otto's Army, and I managed to actually do some real research and track down the creator who has this to say about the site:

One of the most unfortunate lessons learned in college is that one day you have to graduate, but that doesn't mean the Army has to disband.  For all the former and current SU foot soldiers, OttosArmy.com offers the some of latest insight into Syracuse sports, while bringing out your inner Otto.  Started by alumni from NYC, we have five featured columnists and a contributing staff on board that aim to inform and, once in a while, entertain.  To aide in your amusement, we have installed "Squeezing the Juice", an ongoing segment where we engage in some one-on-one banter with SU figures.  We were fortunate enough to sit down with Josh Pace (link) of the 2003 national championship team last week and will be featuring former SU basketball great John Wallace in our next segment.  So cruise on over, take a gander, and tell us what you think. And, as always, bleed orange...

The site is for all Syracuse Sports, not just basketball, but basketball is the go sport at the moment, how at the moment, try 4:07 EST at the moment. Go Cuse!

TPG's LOST Compass: Ab Aeterno

We've been waiting a very long time for some Richard Alpert answers and now we finally got them. But that wasn't the only thing that this episode gave us,  it was just as much a history lesson on the Island itself.  It provided some key details on the Island and what has/is/will continue to be going on there. So what do you say, we grab our old school wine decanter, take that metaphorical cork off and get drizzed on some deep Lost theorizing.


1. These days everyone is talking about answers and how they crave them like their some shipwrecked slave salivating for water. Well, we got them now and guess what, since the Lost creators are telling a story they didn't exactly write them on the chalkboard in simple terms. Hidden in this episode were some real quality respuestas. How did the statue crumble? It got hit by a tidal wave. How did the Black Rock end up in the jungle? Jacob brought it there in a big ass storm. Why doesn't Richard age? Because he requested it as a way to deal with his soul crushing anguish. What is the Island? It's a cork? Why should we care about the characters and the show if it looks like they are just some puzzle pieces in some cosmic scheme? Because they still have free will, focus on the variables not the constants here people.
2. So apparently the Island a cork that keeps all the evil in the world in check. The Island rests on top of the evil, so that would make the evil "Hell," now above Hell lies the earth, and above that Heaven. That would be put earth smack in the middle, and in the middle of heaven and hell lies, wait for it, purgatory. It's not the Island that's purgatory, it's the entire world that's purgatory. This is why the Island is so important, it's some type of ultimate testing ground for the human race in the great cosmic battle of good and evil.
3. MIND MELT: Richard learned the Island is a cork way back in the 1800's, but, things have changed since then. Did the bomb destroy the cork? Did the bomb shatter the bottle like the Man In Black did at the end of the episode? Was using the bomb the loophole?

4. DOUBLE MIND MELT WITH BACON: With all this talk about Heaven and Hell, and God's and Devils who is our man who is going to come back like a boss and regulate on this faith based matters? HEY BROTHAAAAAAAAA. That's right Desmond! Don't forget he was trained by monks, monks who had ties to THE OTHERS!!! The Island isn't done with him. Him being on the Island was "saving the world" aka keeping the evil at bay, the cork in place. He'll be back and then he'll shoot all the haters (yes that's you DJ STEVE) with a spear gun in the chest.
5. Sorry about that last post there folks, looks like I was getting a little drizzed myself on sweet Jacob's wine. But I must say, I really enjoyed last night's episode. Nestor Carbonell, who plays Richard really brought it hard on the acting front and fit was great to see Titus Welliver, who plays the Man In Black return to Lost. I know many people are jumping ship on LOST right now, but to all you folks out there, be like Richard and have a little faith*

**And if any of you wanna challenge that, post something in the comments.

24 Points About 24: 4:00 AM - 5:00AM

LAMEST MOLE EVER?

1. I don't know how CTU works, but they sure do have a lot of emergency lighting and also in groovy blue hues. Dare I say it's Jay Z blue in honor of the Empire State?
2. Bad guys in 24 love a couple things: facial hair, accents, and hanging out at docks. Honestly CTU should just monitor the docks at all the major cities. Oh what's that, a whole bunch of evil looking people driving in shady vans at 3AM by a dock, wonder if they're setting up a lemonade stand or trying to kill us.

3. The writers missed a golden opportunity by not magnetizing Kayla Hassan. It would hilarious if she turned into a giant magnet, kind of like Ernest in whatever movie Ernest gets magnetized, I mean they all blend together, except Ernest Saves Christmas, which is the truth.
4. The reason you have four bars and the call is going through is because you don't have SPRINT, which sponsors 24.
5. Any time Bauer gets to handle automatic weapons is a good time, but his accuracy is terrible, gotta use that Sleight Of Hand Pro perk Jack.
6. Only three Casualties after a CTU bomb, whoah they must be relieved, last time CTU got attacked, the body count was terrible (RIP Milo), and the time before that was even worse, so they got out pretty clean.
7. Chloe things Jack Bauer is in trouble, Jack Bauer doesn't get in trouble babe, trouble gets riddled full of bullets when it gets Jack Bauered.
8. FPJ is rocking some type of handheld 1999 video camera for night vision. It would be cooler if he had some of Wing Commander technology.
9. Somewhere in the universe there is a nerd smiling widely because they and only they understand all this technical jargon about trunk lines and servers, routers, cables, ITs, and sprinklers that Chloe O' Brien is talking about.
10. Renee is Jack's apartment sprinkling rose petals on the bed and setting up candles. She's gone domestic! Of course going domestic means grabbing guns out of purses. I mean Renee you are in the house of Bauer, guy probably has a weapon room hidden behind the large family portrait.
11. Bill Prady is from Arkansas, and he's clearly in love with Kevin Wade, which means that he's a gay southerner, which is similar to his character on True Blood. Yes! Next season Jack Bauer takes on the undead.
12. Jack Bauer is so damn soft these days, look I know times are different and mass killing and torture isn't the rage, but please don't make Jack all emotional in combat. Dude has killed over 300 people and now he's getting all sentimental over some SWAT team rookie who didn't follow orders.
13. This is not the first time Chloe has handled a weapon, in fact handling that little pistol is child's play for her. Don't believe me check out the pic on the right, and yes that's post kill.
14. Kayla Hassan will be alright until she realizes that exposure to the EMP has turned her into a giant blue bald man with a preference for walking around naked and being void of emotions (yeah that's the nerdiest 24 point ever).
15. I'm so sad that Hasting didn't have a good answer to the "Where do you find these people" question because that would explain a long history of terrible CTU Human Resource decisions.
16. Chloe is like a brilliant jazz pianist when she's got her hands on those wires.
17. Since when did Hasting value Dana Walsh's opinion, just an hour ago he was disciplining her like she was some hasty school girl now she's a judge of character. Come on Hastings, Chloe deserves more respect, woman is a the Alicia Keyes of hackers.
18. Last season Bauer took out 20 dudes at a dock in D.C, and now it takes him an entire episode to take out of couple of goons on NYC dock, I mean what is going on here?
19. When I saw that CTU code come back online on the screen, I really thought TRINITY was going to start recruiting Chloe in the fight against the machines. Yeah I said it, Chloe is the new Neo.
20. Renee Walker has more kills in this episode than Jack.
21. Seeing Jack Bauer in pain from bullets is confusing and makes me uncomfortable
22. I would like to be the first congratulate on FPJ for maintaining a consistent accent for the duration of an episode, well done FPJ.
23. Dana Walsh is a stone cold killer, but at least Bill Prady attempted to cop a feel before he died.
24. So the mole has been revealed and Dana Walsh joins a legendary pantheon of evil turncoats. Who is in the Pantheon? Of course Nina Meyers sits on the throne of greatest mole of all time, Queen of Mole people if you will. Who else is on the list, I'll let you decide.

Chris Evans is Captain America

Captain America Himself

Chris Evans has been cast as Captain America. Chris Evans seems like a comedy guy, and he looks goofy as hell in The Losers so I hope he can play the leader of the free world.

Ultra Hot Babes to Be Bond Girls

BOND GIRLS

Whoah, I come back and there is wild rumor floating around the internet. Apparently Olivia Wilde and Freida Pinto will be the next Bond girls. I can't be happier about this, I mean let's be honest, they are both hotter than that pyromaniac girl I know who lives in Death Valley. And yes, I pulled this directly from Geek Tyrant, which is a great website with a shady name.

Sam has been talking about Bond for months now and is so excited about it. The project has been in the pipeline for months and Freida was always the dream Bond girl, but initially she was nervous about accepting it. This is going to be the most ambitious 007 yet. Sam plans to reinvent the genre. Peter Morgan, who wrote 'The Queen', has penned the first draft of the script and it promises to be visually stunning. t will be a typically glamorous and raunchy role and Dev has been joking to friends he is cool with seeing Freida rolling around with 007.

The TPG Spelling Bee for Kids

By Jacob Perlin

After TPG makes it big as a Movie Star/Actor/Writer/Producer/Blogger in his film Billy Ray Justice and the Secret Lair of Zeus I assume that his terminology for things will become a part of the common vernacular and "dropped" on Scrabble boards and college essays everywhere. Basically the future entails Urban Dictionary and Websters Dictionary fusing into one dictionary. I have this beautiful mental picture of Tim running a spelling bee and asking the kid to spell the word "Legitness".

Here are a few of the terms that will be commonly associated with the following meanings in the future:

Drop: Always the truth, appropriate to ask for permission first, and the act of telling or doing something.

Used in a Sentence: Permission to "drop" some truth on you. Terminator 2 is by far the best of the franchise.

Legit: Taken from Urban Dictionary. A modern synonym for words such as "cool," "ill," "tight," or "dope." (All those words will be in Websters as well).

Used in a Sentence: That pie was so "legit" I'm going to snag another piece.

Yo Guy: The polite way to get someones attention.

Used in a Sentence: "Yo guy" pass that pie.

Combination of all the terms for extra points: Let me "drop" some truth on you. That pie is so "legit". "Yo guy" pass me a slice of that pie.

ONLY ONE THING TO SAY TODAY

LET'S GO ORANGE... ENJOY ALL THE HOOPS ACTION!

A Book Review Less Snooty than the New York Times

A bit of a departure from the typical TV, film, music and general pop culture fare that brings you to THIS LA LIFE daily, but I get to take over the posting today and I'm doing a book review so deal with it.

EVERYTHING IS WRONG WITH ME: A Memoir of an American Childhood Gone, Well, Wrong by Jason Mulgrew isn't only the book with the longest title I've read this year it's also the most side splittingly funny. The book is a spin-off, if you will, from his immensely popular blog, which has built a steady readership since its inception in 2005. This memoir deals with Mulgrew's early years growing up in South Philly and features roughly 250 pages of brand new material that's never been seen anywhere before.

His loyal readers are used to Mulgrew's sometimes unbelievable self deprecation and painfully honest stories surrounding his working-class upbringing and family dysfunction, but for a first time reader his writing feels unbelievably fresh and particularly hilarious. The narrative really soars when Mulgrew speaks of his chain smoking, hard edged, quasi-ex con father, who becomes a somewhat main character in the memoir. Weather you're looking for the more sophomoric jokes about his tiny Irish penis (he regularly compares it to an acorn), lack of sexual partners or booze filled nights trying to spot hookers or you're more interested in the David Sedaris-esque peek inside Jason's Irish Catholic background, you'll find yourself very satisfied with this light and quick read.

You can buy it here. Seriously, just buy it. It's cheap, it's short and, deep down, all Jason wants is to be liked... oh and a threesome. He really wants that too, so help him however you see fit.

SMP's LOST Compass: Recon

Alright folks, here we are mid-week of TPG's vacation and guest blogging adventure. Today, I'm here to deliver my own version of the now legendary (and weekly) LOST Compass. I'm going to try my best to follow format but as a warning, I'm going to be more negative about the show than this blog has ever allowed. Let's get after it:

1. For me this season of LOST has been a pretty large disappointment and last night's ep was nothing new. I've grown tired of the writer's failed attempts to keep the viewers riveted. I remember how many times I rolled my eyes during the classic S05E06 "316" where The Lamp Post station is introduced and Eloise Hawking mills around science experiments and acts like she knows what she's talking about. Now I'd give anything for that kind of mystery, and this, friends is a very depressing statement.

2. What is with these new characters being introduced with 9 episodes left of one of the most enthralling character dramas television has ever had? Most of the time the show has been successful because of the interesting storylines and backstories of the core members of the original flight (Losties) and their entanglements on the island with The Others. It's clear now that while the writers claim to have "mapped out" everything from the start, they inadvertently or foolishly, used up all their best storylines by about halfway through season 3 or maybe 4. The result? Introducing characters in the final season of a show that begs to be wrapped up nicely. Let's cut the bull on this one: I'd trade 1,000,000 Dogen episodes for 10 seconds of screen time for Juliet again.

3. Where is Desmond?

4. Claire is out of control. We've seen her on a roller coaster ride of emotions before: "I love you Charlie..." [5 mins later] "I hate you Charlie!", but at least before we could blame it on the pregnancy. Now it seems she's gotten even crazier. Nice how Flocke/Smokey/Samuel (presumed to be the cause of her current paranoia) made a point of mentioning this to Kate as if it were some great reveal: "I had mommy issues, and now Aaron has a crazy mom too."

5. What a TERRIBLE final line of the episode. It seemed to sum up how I feel about the season and where the show is at right now in general. Kate asks, but how can we get off the island if we don't have someone to fly the plane? Sawyer responds, easy freckles, we take the nuclear sub instead. WHAT? Translation: But Carlton Cuse and Damon Lindelof, how can we make sense of the complex, all-encompassing philosophical exercise that is LOST? Easy, viewers, we create an entirely different complex and all encompassing philosophical mindf*** to distract you from the fact that neither makes any sense. TITLE CARD. Don't be surprised when the final scene of the series is something that completely distracts you from all the hard work and thought process you've put into something that doesn't, and will never, add up.

6. Charles Widmore so easily led on by Sawyer? I DON'T THINK SO. When Flocke/Smokey/Samuel arrives on the Hydra, expect things to get violent with newly introduced characters from this season biting the dust left and right 24-style.

7. Where is DESMOND?

8. How will Jack and Hurley tie into all of this? Are they still off wandering around the island looking for impossibly large landmarks that were never evident at any other point during the series despite how large they are? Jack and Hurley are an odd combo. Jack doesn't have a sense of humor and Hurley's only purpose in life is to make light of a given situation. The sooner they get back to some sort of group dynamic, the less awkward the writing will have to be for them.

9. WHERE. IS. DESMOND????

10. The last point I want to make is about the scenes from the next LOST trailer. Even before this season began, I was made aware of the episode that is coming next week. Rumor spread about a Richard Alpert centric episode and I won't lie that the promise of receiving so many answers is intoxicating. We all agreed upon seeing the trailer: next week is a make or break for LOST. If a Richard Alpert centric episode isn't the headiest, most mind-numbing, geek-out, LOST fan-boy FREAKFEST of all time, there's no hope for the show. Many believe Alpert to be the key to numerous theories and explanations on and off the island... the question is, whether the writers decide to give us LOST-dogs a bone, or continue to spoil the gourmet feast that LOST once was by dicking us around yet again. I'll be praying every night to the egyptian Gods of Jacob's past that they decide to deliver on a promise they made years ago by introducing such a mysterious and AWESOME character like Alpert.

**** PLEASE NOTE ****

All opinions and aforementioned theories are spun from the mind of DJ Steve, co-author of the wildly successful, world-famous Lifting Fog Blog. Please do not send TPG any hate mail, at least none regarding LOST. Thank you!

Why Hasn't This Blown Up Yet?

SNL has been churning on all cylinders lately, but only geeks like me who still watch it religiously would know that. Either way, possibly the best skit they've done in years. I can't believe it hasn't taken the internet by storm yet. Just watch.

24 Points about 24: 3:00AM - 4:00AM

1. Let me use this first point to thank my dear friend and fellow Agent Timothy Goessling for bestowing upon me this great honor to run guest point on the segment while he enjoys a little R&R with his family. Hopefully unlike most rookies in seasons past, I will once again live to see the enlightenment of another post.

2. Right off the bat, no rating for "Sexual Situations" this time around unlike in episodes past. Crespy just left.

3. Chloe pulling the classic "I-just-need-you-to-do-your-job-in-these-extreme-circumstances-that-I-just-repeated-again-for-exposition-sake" line to Arlo. Usually that's Jack's gig.

4. Again, still no bluetooth for Jack. Worth noting.

5. This ep's started off nicely. Well paced, a lot more action, a lot less talking.

6. What's the deal with these bulletproof vests? These budget cuts are even affecting CTU now I guess..

7. Uh oh. New level of bad guy has officially been introduced, pretty much on cue and according to 24 standards - close-up of mysterious upper-upper-level bad guy saying something cryptic; cut to unrelated activity said bad guy is doing (this time around, soldering).

8. Last week's preview said something crazy was going to happen in the first 15 minutes. If something happened, I missed it.

9. Bad guy bro finally gets a name: Nick Caughlin. From Southy brah?

10. Another broadcasted terrorist hostage video. This time via ChatRoulette?

11. The CLASSIC 24 trade-off re-introduced: National Security vs. the Life of a Loved One.

12. 100GB thumb drive? Is this guy serious? Yes. It's parked out front on the heli-pad.

13. Great getaway scene. Tarin dies a redeemed man. He chose the Loved One over The Cause.

14. Kayla initially described the room she was in as "dark and empty." If this were Season 6, Jack would have reflected, in an emo response: "Just like my soul."

15. Almost done with this ep, but where's our beloved Renee Walker?

16. Bad guys aren't running from the scene of a crime. Something's up. They've been playing chess this whole time to CTU's checkers.

17. Hastings celebrates the teams good work. A bit premature, if you ask. Once again showing his lack of experience and (more importantly) lack of understanding of rudimentary 24 plot points.

18. Dana Walsh again putting a damper on an otherwise awesome episode (can't be a 24 points without a little Dana Walsh bashing).

19. Whoa. There. Guy. Huge twist. Now we're talking 24 Status. Tarin NOT dead. Once again, bad guys playin chess. Hastings playing checkers.

20. Terrorists are headed over the Williamsburg Bridge, Chloe just said. Just on their way to a Hunters and Runners show for a little R&R.

21. Once again, CTU is attacked, but for the first time since Season 5 with the Sentox nerve gas. RIP Edgar. The most undeserved death in 24 history.

22. Next question: which semi-important-yet-disposable character-that-holds-crucial-information will be found almost dead under the rubble?

23. Indian. Jason. Schwartzman.

24. That is all for tonight. Again, a big Thank You to ThisLALife founder Timothy Goessling and the rest of my CTU Agents.

Signing off...

It's been real, folks. It's been life. It's been busy as fuck in the office. I probably should have posted some straight up offensive stuff here - Tim wouldn't have known for at least a week. Oh well. Maybe next time.

I'll leave you guys with this:

Jason Statham likes shooting things that are JUST out of reach.



Hope you kids had a lovely Monday, tune in tomorrow for the CTU team and 24 points about 24.

G'night, folks.

Kick Ass Retro Posters

The closer it gets, the more excited I am for KICK ASS, especially if they keep releasing awesome promo art like these. Two more after the jump.

The Most Excellent Tattoo You'll Probably See All Morning

Over at Things That Happen, I keep my editorial down to a minimum. No ones cares what I think about stuff. They just want to see pictures of dogs saying funny things. Come on, guys. It's the Internet, OK, this ain't my first rodeo.

Tim, however, likes to expound volumes on the content he deems worthy to be part of This LA Life. And so, with that in mind, I give you the greatest tattoo I've seen on the internet this morning. I'd give it more hyperbole but, you know, the internet's a big place and I'd hate to regret anything I deemed LALife-worthy.

Nakatomi Plaza, the fictional office building used in mega-hit Die Hard, is actually located in Los Angeles. So. That's the best segway I have. The gentleman featured above has permanently inked his body with John McClane's most cunning of escape plans: guns and holiday-themed duct tape.

And so we salute you, sir: may you have an easier time getting through airport security than you're likely bound to have. Yippee Ki Yay indeed.

An Introduction

Good morning, folks. How was your weekend? Good? Great. We'll get to mine a bit later - it was a doozy.

I figured I should introduce myself. I'm Jay - I run Things That Happen, which is a fantastic haven of stupid videos, cool music and the occasional poetic waxing (which is like a Brazilian except with metaphors and shit.) TPG's sailing away for the week on a cruise with his family to parts unknown, and as he so boldly announced last week, he's asked a few fellow bloggers to step up and man the ThisLALife helm while he's gone.

It's kind of like that time that Bane broke Batman's back, and then Batman had all those other dudes fill in for him and accept the mantle of the Bat while he was on a cruise with his family. Or something like that, I dunno, I read that shit ages ago. You know, I'm like Nightwing, and Kyle Fitz is like Robin, and DJ Steve is like Azrael, and, um... Fuck you, don't get all high and mighty with me, you know exactly what I'm talking about. And fuck you too if you don't. What, you never read comics as a kid? Geez. Some people, amirite?

I'll open the forum this morning with some back story. I was lucky enough to know TPG in the life he had before this LA life -- he and I are from the same town back east - grew up together, went to high school together. In short: he's always been like this, cross my heart.

It's a bit of a busy day in the office today so I'm gonna let this post stand as my opener, but I'll be sure to toss some more content on here as the day goes on. Anyway, happy Monday, folks, hope your weekend was truly excellent and don't fret - we're all in this together.

The Late Reality of Green Zone

Green Zone, like the war it portrays is a muddled look at the war at the "conflict" in Iraq. It hovers in weird limbo area that is 50% badass military action thriller and 50% political message movie. This medium-zone both strengthens the film and weakens it at the same time. Shot back in 2008, it  has been waiting for deployment for a long time, I can see why it has been delayed.

Matt Damon plays Roy Miller, a tough talking army leader who along with his team is searching for weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Now keep in mind the film takes place in 2003, when the war was fresh (and had popular support) and the world believed that the WMDs were there. The search for the WMD leads Miller to the CIA, rogue Republic Guard generals, The Washington Pos, and to all around Baghdad. That's all I'm going to say but don't worry, this film roars along at breakneck speed. The script here by Brian Helgeland moves like a helicopter roaring over Baghdad. And don't worry there are political messages here a plenty, and if you don't believe, take a look at the last shot of film (it involves something that's black and plentiful in the Middle East).

So if the film has a strong political script and is anchored by a great performance by Damon, what is the problem? Well, it lies with the direction, and it pains me to say because I like director Paul Greengrass, but he seems a little lost here. He doesn't know if he should let it rip on the sensational fantasy violence of the Bourne movies or keep it grounded in the documentary realism of Bloody Sunday and United 93. Every time you think it's going to take off on an crazy action level it brings you back to reality and every time the action gets too real something slightly spectacular happens to let you know you're watching a film, not breathing on the battlefield.

Yet besides this somewhat major flaw, I do feel that the film is an important one. It basically uses the premise of entertainment (BOURNE IN IRAQ) to remind the American people, and the world, how terribly we screwed up in Iraq. Elements of the film, including fabricated sources, corrupt officials, internal military squabbles, and a horrible understanding of local politics were and all still prevalent in Iraq today. And don't forget Greengrass's use of imagery from the last decade to remind us how terrible The United States can be. There are hooded detainees, torture victims, dogs barking at detainees, yeah you get the picture.

If you're expecting Jason Bourne in Iraq you may be a little disappointed, but hey you will learn a couple things to.

Thrilling Announcement!!

While I really do not want my ship to get taken over my William Dafoe, I am happy to announce that I'm taking a week off to go on a cruise with my family. However, this does not mean that the fun will stop on thislalife.com.

I have recruited some truly legendary writers to take the reigns for a week. But who knows, if people respond to them,  this could be the first seeds of an empire. Here's a quick preview of who you can expect to get great content from.

Monday - Jay Judah who has been in this blog game for as long as I have will be giving you a potent blend of his trademark attitude and his obscure video/picture finding techniques.

Tuesday - The entire CTU team will be contributing to keep the 24 Points going. And it looks like it's going to be a decent episode, fingers crossed for the death of Dana Walsh.

Wednesday - DJ STEVE of Lifting Fog, who is some type of modern day Richard Alpert will be handling the Compass. Prepare to have your mind blown.


Thursday - This one is going to be a surprise.

Friday - Rookie blogger, that doesn't mean he's not good by the way you haters, COD from ohcod.blogspot.com will be sending you off into the weekend.


Namaste 

Jay Baruchel And The Simple Enjoyment of She's Out Of My League

It's a shame that Jay Baruchel name isn't featured on the poster for this flick because he's definitely the heart and soul of this enjoyable movie. And let's just be clear, this is an enjoyable movie if you are between the ages of 14-25. I don't think tons of people are doing a double feature with this and "The Last Station." Imagine if "Step Brothers" was a romantic comedy, and that's pretty much what this is.

Jay Baruchel plays Kirk, who if you believe the poster is a "5" who somehow ends up dating a babebraham lincoln named Molly. Wait, is the entire plot spelled out in that one sentence on the poster? Cause that's pretty convenient, I wish other movies did that. Either way, the film is funny in a crude bathroom humor type way, in fact one of the funniest scenes literally takes place in a bathroom.

The movie works well because it's full of recognizable comedic actors doing there part to make the audience laugh. So in order to make your life easier, I'll break down where you have seen each of the characters before.

Jay Baruchel - Tropic Thunder and Knocked Up

T.J. Miller- Cloverfield

Mike Vogel- Cloverfield, hold on is this some type of reunion?

Nate Torrence- Get Smart

This movie is not going to win awards, it's not destined to be some comedy classic, and it maybe, might become slightly quotable for about a month. For a raunchy comedy, it hits the right beats and delivers what it promises.

Twilight: Eclipse Trailer

I'm posting this to try to drive traffic to the site. That's just me being honest.

Robin Hood Trailer

Yeah... I will be there

About these 24 rumours...

Jack Bauer doesn't get cancelled, his movements just stop getting publicized by some television show for mere mortals. And yeah, today is Chuck's birthday too.

TPG's LOST Compass: Dr. Linus

How ironic that the trailers for "Dr. Linus" talked about Ben's demise. Instead we were treated to rebirth of one on of the greatest (and most decorated) characters on the show. For me this episode was one of, if not, the best episode of the season so far. So let's cue up the principal's emails and see what we can find.

1. The biggest reveal of the evening was that the Dharma Initiative existed in the flash sideways time line. Roger Linus talks about how different things could have been if they stayed on the Island. Roger arrived in 1973 with an eight year old Ben Linus and in this "flash sideways" they didn't stay on groovy Island paradise. Did they leave after "The Incident" in 1977? What happened to make them leave? How does this relate to our favorite castaways? Yeah, this one is a real head spinner
2. In a clever twist or a sick joke, in the flash sideways Benjamin Linus was keeping his father alive with oxygen gas. Hardcore LOST fans will know that in the Island timline killed his Dad with poison gas.
3. One interesting twist here is the reveal that Jacob is the closest thing that Llana has ever had to a father. What exactly is the connection between the two of them? In the season 5 finale, Jacob appears to her when she is bedridden and they both already know each other. I believe there is a connection between Jacob, Richard, and Llana. Remember Llana and Richard both speak perfect Latin and know the answer to Jacob's questions (What Lies in the Shadow Of the Statue). Dare I say Llana and Richard are related?
4. When the episode opens Dr. Linus is dropping knowledge on his pupils. Good ol Benny complete with his highly academic sweater vest was explaining about the Island of Elba. A place where Napoleon faced his "greatest test," which was his loss of power. This concept relates to Ben, Widmore, Jack, Jacob, Man in Black, and the fate of Damon and Carlton after the show ends.
5. Ben's speech to Llana in the jungle about his grief about letting Alex die only enhanced the flash sideways story. For a character as layered at the legendary Benjamin Linus, seeing him make the right choice, even in a parallel universe to selflessly help Alex was incredibly rewarding.
6. While I'm glad that Widmore finally showed up, his arrival felt like a cheap coda to a brilliant episode. Widmore has spoken about a "war for the island" and considering that there are clearly two sides now, I believe Widmore has known this moment was coming, probably for a long time. I can't wait to see what side he takes. On one hand he encouraged Locke to return to the Island, which would mean he knew about a loophole and would be with team Smoke Monster. On the other hand he encouraged Locke to bring the Oceanic six back to the Island, which would put him on the latter.
6. The slow motion beach reunions get me every time, that's all.


***Next week I will be on the Island and will not be able to write The LOST Compass. My good friend and fellow candidate DJ Steve from the legendary Lifting Fog Blog will be taking over in my absence.

24 Points About 24: 2:00AM-3:00AM

I WENT OUT WITH A BANG RIGHT?

1. Marcos really knew how to draw and engineer his way around his suicide bomb vest. Did you see that map on the wall? Not only is he terrorist, but he's also a the worlds fastest speed sketcher (SICK LINK).
2. Kind of cool that Marco's backstory contained a nice little reference to the Wayne Palmer administration's internment of Arab American citizens in extremely forgettable season six.
3. I realize now I was a fool, a damned fool, to think that this Dana Walsh story would end. Her character is the chemical weapon destroying the show I care about, the show I've watched for eight years, the show that caused my family to get cable TV (that's another story), the show I call 24!
4. Nothing boils a CTU hacker/employee's blood like having to answer to the legendary Chloe O Brien. Yeah that's right, Chloe is the new Bill Buchanan.
5. I just realized it now, there is no one interesting at CTU this season except Chloe and she doesn't count.

6. For over four episodes now, we've been following this rookie CTU Agent Owen. This is the longest living rookie (not played by a major actor) on 24 history.
7. Wow, Marcos's big speech to Jack is a little bit too real for my liking. This is supposed to be entertainment, not some weird political metaphor.
8. Hassan's daughter is really sweaty after sex. Either someone forgot that people see EVERYTHING in HD or she just  sweats a lot.
9. To umm, follow up on the previous point, I'm not trying to get too deep into nomenclature here but presidential smoke-show daughter Kayla Hassan is played by an actress named Nazneen Contractor. That is a crazy name combo if I've ever heard one.
10. The skyline city view out of President Hassan's hotel room is terrible CGI.  A fellow agent points out that every light in the city is on at 2AM. Well done, CTU agent, well done.
11. Great to have FPJ back in terrorist fighting world saving mode you know as opposed killing lame ass bros for your horrifically terrible girlfriend mode
12. "Everyone is replaceable" says the director of CTU.  Considering that CTU has been attacked multiple times and almost a considerable amount of their directors are dead, I would say that yes, everyone is replaceable. (And it looks like another attack happens next week too)

13. The bail bondsmen character is another terrible addition to the Dana Walsh storyline. The only thing that could save it would be if he secretly was a vampire or really cared about his red stapler.
14. The sooner Dana Walsh dies the sooner 24 is saved, I hate to be so dire, but that is where I am at.
15. For all those people wondering,  Rami Malek, the actor who plays Marcos was in the "Night at the Museum" movies. He will be also be in the "The Pacific."
16. Any episode where Jack spends a majority of the time watching a TV screen, is not a good episode of 24.
17. Alright alright, let's give it up for Mare Winningham, the actress who plays Marcos's mother, she brought it pretty hard with that scene.
18. " I'll make your mother clean up your pieces then take her to the blast site!" Say hello the new Jack Bauer, aka the angel of death Jack Bauer.
19.  This scene where Jack absolutely owns Marcos in emotional warfare is vintage Bauer!

20.  Where are academy awarding winning The Hurt Locker bomb technicians to defuse this Marco's vest? Renner? Bigelow? Mackie? Cameron, oops, sorry wrong flick.
21.  That is a graphic ass shot of that the hyperbolic chamber post explosion. And that noise you hear after the explosion is last week's point #7 coming true.
22.  While you won't see it in the points, my CTU team and I called the mole in Hassan's organization two weeks ago.
23.  Another hour goes by and not one scene with President Taylor or Renee Walker. So with no strong women on the show this episode, I guess the writers are telling us that all women on 24 are cheating on their boyfriends with slackers or getting kidnapped by their lovers. So basically they all are totally manipulated and weak willed. Someone get the big female guns back here stat.
24. Great ending to an episode that started terribly slow.

*** I'd like to announce that next week the 24 Points will be written by my CTU team members. I am going on a mission in the Caribbean. The objective -  get bronze and have fun with my family.

Oscar Roundup: The Hurt Locker

Here is my review of "The Hurt Locker" from way back in the day. It's an amazing movie (even though Avatar should have won).

I have no idea what the Iraq War is like. Sure I can watch "Generation Kill" and see that there appears to be great camaraderie and a startlingly large amount of down time. I can read articles and know that it's a politically delicate situation. And I can play "Call of Duty: Modern Warfare" and blow away countless terrorists on max volume from the comfort of my large ultra plushy couch, yet the actual experience of war is foreign to me. The film "The Hurt Locker" is an excellent attempt to understand the both physical and psychological aspects of the Iraq War.

Masterfully directed by Katherine Bigelow (Point Break) and starring Jeremy Renner (who already has deserved Oscar buzz for his performance) and Anthony Mackie (highly underated ), this is an extrodinary peek into the lives of a bomb defusal unit in Iraq. Whether it is a car bomb situation next to the UN or an sniper standoff in the barren desert, the film is wired with so much tension, it was hard for me to sit still. Unlike other war films like "Body of Lies" and "The Kingdom" there is no elusive mastermind to track, and the narrative feels a little weak because of it.

At first this lack of a strong narrative bothered me, but then I realized, there isn't a core narrative in this war in Iraq War. The "mastermind" Saddam was captured in 2003, and we're still going. Heroes in the war come and go with each pentagon news blast. It's a continuing cycle, and the film has a similar structure. I mentioned before the film is attempt to understand the Iraq War, I use the word "attempt" because I believe no media can do the war justice simply because the viewer/reader has not lived through the experiences.

The last shot of a bomb defusal technician walking down a street alone towards an uncertain future is a perfect visiaul metaphor for this endless path the Iraq War currently has. Sure, end dates, goals, and benchmarks may be set (and met), but as long as there still are US troops in Iraq, there is no ending, damn, maybe there hasn't even been a middle yet.